Thoughts...

God is great. I don't know what it has been the past few days but my life is at peace. Here is why..

Great friends. I can't stress it enough how blessed I am to have the people in my life that I do. Wonderful conversations and growing deeper with new friends has changed my life.

I got a job at Little Friends daycare in Peoria. I start January 7th. I'm excited because I will be a teacher for a 6 weeks-12 months classroom. This means I get to love on little ones all day. :) My feeling is this will either tide my baby-jones phase until later or make it even worse, but I'm willing.

Although I found out that my transmission didn't go out but my transfer case was stuck in neutral in my car, I will still need a new shift motor for my 4x4 and a new module to control it. To fix it will cost a little under $1,000. I should be upset or worried or something, but I'm not. Tomorrow will be judgement day when I figure out what to do, either get it fixed or continue working on the plan I started two weeks ago to trade in my car.

I've released burdens, found peace, and today's message at Harvest really related to me. Jeff Donaldson from Chicago's Harvest spoke about really trusting God. He made a clarification between suffering (what Jesus went through) and life disappointments (mostly what we disguise as suffering). A busted computer, a broke down car, crappy job, etc etc has nothing on the price and true suffering that Jesus went through.

Thoughts...

God is great. I don't know what it has been the past few days but my life is at peace. Here is why..

Great friends. I can't stress it enough how blessed I am to have the people in my life that I do. Wonderful conversations and growing deeper with new friends has changed my life.

I got a job at Little Friends daycare in Peoria. I start January 7th. I'm excited because I will be a teacher for a 6 weeks-12 months classroom. This means I get to love on little ones all day. :) My feeling is this will either tide my baby-jones phase until later or make it even worse, but I'm willing.

Although I found out that my transmission didn't go out but my transfer case was stuck in neutral in my car, I will still need a new shift motor for my 4x4 and a new module to control it. To fix it will cost a little under $1,000. I should be upset or worried or something, but I'm not. Tomorrow will be judgement day when I figure out what to do, either get it fixed or continue working on the plan I started two weeks ago to trade in my car.

I've released burdens, found peace, and today's message at Harvest really related to me. Jeff Donaldson from Chicago's Harvest spoke about really trusting God. He made a clarification between suffering (what Jesus went through) and life disappointments (mostly what we disguise as suffering).

Shout outs..

Okay so the past few days I have realized the importance of friendship. When you fall flat on your face for God, friends are what get you back on your feet. I have had too many friends to mention that have been here for me offering support, breakfast, or prayers, but there are a few that need to be thanked.

1. Kevin Sletten. I don't know anyone else who would let me drive their 2006 Audi A4 quattro (I think that means really fast in Spanish). I will admit that I did feel cool/hot driving it. So not only was it a source of transportation for me but a boost in self confidence.

2. My mom. Not only did she drive to Bloomington on Sunday to pick me up, but she let me borrow her car after I returned the Sletten mobile. I did have to run an errand for her, but for the sake of her sacrifice of staying at home, I did it without a problem.

3. Cory Brown. Thanks for letting me drive your sweet ride. I just would like to say how impressed I was when starting the car and having Power 92.3 blaring some rap. But the best experience I have had so far in the Accord is the flashback I had to 2002 when I heard the Avril Lavigne CD in slot #3. Taking me back to Junior year when I had my Honda and was pissed off at the world and would sing Avril at the top of my lungs. Thanks for that sweet memory Cory Brown.

4. Dan Bobbitt and Brandon Cruse are probably my heroes right now. In the rain, and freezing cold these two men of God hand-cranked my Ford Explorer onto a flatbed. They towed my car from Blooomington to East Peoria. It took longer than expected causing Brandon to be two hours late for work. I appreciate you boys and your muscles.

For everyone who has offered support, words of kindness, your cars, your prayers or even just your company, I thank you. It is because of the great people I have surrounding me that I am somewhat sane. God has me exactly where He wants me, and I look forward to what I'm in store for.

Broken.

So the past few days it's been getting harder and harder to hear the fact that I am unemployed. I don't know where God wants to use me, and I feel useless. I know I wasn't supposed to be at Independence, so I'm faithful in following, I just feel irresponsible.

Well although we joked about me being 'single and unemployed' the other night, we can add something else in the mix. I am staring out the window at my car that is parked crooked in front of my sisters house. It technically wasn't parked there, but we had to push it there this morning because my transmission went out.

Good thing I have a well-paying job that can pay for the tow truck back to Peoria, a new transmission, Christmas gifts for my niece and nephew, rent, cell phone bills, credit cards, car payment, and gas that have to be bought/paid for this week :)

God, I'm broken. So is my car.

Feminine Beauty..

I've decided to start reading "Captivating" again. I read it in highschool, but I have found that it means so much more to me now. My heart resonates with desire. About a month ago I felt desired... even beautiful.

Typically I'm the girl you can have a beer with and watch the game, the girl with a foul mouth, the one who will get competitive in sports, plain and simple..the girl that gets treated like one of the guys. I have never been the girl that guys seek. Maybe it's because I'm so assertive that I push people away. Who knows, but whatever it is I feel it changing.

(Disclaimer to all of my guy friends: I will still be the one who'd prefer to watch football then do the dishes)

God is preparing me for something. Just not sure what.

To be domestic, I decided to bake cookies from scratch today for a shin-dig tonight. Well, let's just say Strike 1. I used cold butter instead of soft, the consistency was too dry. The dough was too sticky to use the cute snowman cookie cutter, so I made balls. The cookies tasted alright, but looked like hockey-pucks. I was embarrassed, and threw them away. Looks like I'll be swinging by Kroger today. :)

My sincerest apologies

I just would like to make a public apology to all my loyal blog readers. Due to a broken computer I get electrocuted everytime I try to turn my computer on. It has lasted throughout college and I know it's time to upgrade. But I will have to make due until I can afford that expense. Therefor I have to get online at friends houses in order to keep updated on my 'internet involvement.'

I apologize to all you stay-at-home mothers or workers that escape their day by reading and checking blogs. I hope to get my computer fixed soon and be back in action.

Trust me, God's been doing a lot and I could post for days!

Evan Almighty.

Last night the roommates and I settled in and watched Evan Almighty. I've never seen it, but have heard good things about it.

The story was about Noah building the Arc, and how "Evan Almighty" had to leave everything to follow God and build this Arc. This was weird to his family, co-workers, community, etc. Everyone watched him and when God appeared to not be around, Evan stuck to his faith knowing God would provide.

Sounds a little like my journey right now. I can imagine everyone around me thinking I'm ridiculous for quitting my professional job for nothing. But I will be like Noah, and build my Arc regardless of what people think. God will be there.

The Right to be Right...

Some of you may know this about me, but I am very prideful when it comes to knowing things. I have experienced a lot, which allows me to know,or think I know answers to questions or situations that some may not. When searching my heart on Sunday at Harvest to find what I really need to surrender to God, this didn't come up. Although it was a choice in a list of issues many struggle with, I didn't think it was me. Control, yes. Job, haha YES. Relationship, you get the picture. But not the right to be right.

I have to be right on a lot of things. Maybe it's from my childhood always being in competition with my sisters, but if I know the answer to something you better believe I will stick to my guns to prove I'm right. Heck, I even correct my grammar in group prayers just to be right. That one time a year when I'm wrong (thats a joke..) I will admit it hesitantly. But even if someone backs down, I will still prove I'm right.

Pride is an awful thing. As I think about surrendering my right to be right I relate it to current issues I'm clinging to. As foolish as it may sound, I thought for once I was in a "real" relationship. I even told people just how real I thought it was. My heart was changing and there was no shred of doubt in my mind that it wouldn't last. As it has clearly been overwith for 3 weeks I have been clinging to that ounce of hope...why?

Maybe it's because I'm too prideful to admit I was wrong.

Vacation..

So as of yesterday, I am no longer required to go to Independence Media. I was told "Today is your last day." It was a very emotional discharge - on my managers part not mine. There was something he asked me to do, I did it, but not the way he wanted, and in his exact words, "I am making the executive decision that today is your last day." I said, "Okay."

I think he thought it would be an awkward situation for me. In reality, the only akward thing was him sitting there staring at me while I packed my stuff. (which he awkwardly suggested I do) Went around and gave hugs, said thanks to the other manager, and took my box and left. It felt like I was getting fired. But then I remembered I quit first.

Long story short, I get paid until next Friday. Thanks Independence Media for a week and a half paid vacation as a parting gift, thats nice.

Peace.

Yesterday I was talking with a friend about some theological issues. I love being challenged to search deep in my heart why I believe things or why I do what I do. Last night I was searching for clarity in one of my many situations.

Recognizing the huge leap of faith I am taking when it comes to my work situation, I was wondering why my life in other areas wasn't reflecting that faith. Why was work good enough to give to God but not relationships? I seemed to NEED clarity on that issue.

So what it all boils down to, is that regardless of where I am in life, how stupid my friends think I am, my whole life has jumped. :)

and i have peace.

I'm a follower...

So I did it, I decide to jump not knowing where God would have me land. I gave my two weeks notice this morning at Independence Media. I know God wants me to be in a different, not so hostile environment.

The past 6 months God has been doing amazing things in my life. I feel 100% confident that this is what I am supposed to do. I don't necessarily have anything planned after the 2 weeks, but I will continue to be diligent and obedient.

It's funny, after the individual one-on-one meetings this morning, everyone has walked out and given me a hug, or said "I envy you". When I have been asked what my reasoning was, or what I will be doing, I have the opportunity to witness to all I work with. Taking a leap and admitting that I really don't know what I'm doing afterwards, but that "God will provide" or "I need to be in an environment that supports my faith" really puts peace in my heart.

God, I jumped.

Leap of Faith..

I've been really wrestling with something God has weighed on my heart. Some of you may remember a vague blog post a few posts back, well it's the same situation.

I feel led to make a change in my life, a huge change. God has and is shaping my heart for change. With so much confusion I have yet to make a decision. There are obvious 'things' in my life that cause huge concern. The words came out of my mouth yesterday, "I'm standing at the edge and I'm ready to jump, just waiting for God to tell me north, south, east, or west."

Is that really a leap of faith?

Last night at Northwoods (Charlie this is kudos to you)was a sermon I definitely needed to hear.

-> Following obediently means following God knowing He's with you everystep of the way.
-> God has done it before, He can do it again.
-> We need to play all-in when it comes to God's will
-> We shouldn't just sit on the bank and let God clear the way before we head into the unknown.
-> Sometime God waits for us to take that leap before opening doors.


HMMMMM.....Should I jump?

On 10.

Today I came to a horrible realization that was definately 'blogworthy'. Every Wednesday Summer Molly and I go to Richwoods for lunch to hang out with our Young Life friends. It does give a sense of comfortability seeing friendly faces of teachers & administration. But today I had a horrible realization of how old I really was.

In the terazzo there was a bake sale today. My friend Kelsey told me that on the announcements this morning the bake sale was supposed to be 'on ten'. This didn't seem right to me. So I said, "On 10 tables? Wow they were way off, it's only on 1." BUT supposedly 'On 10' is a new slang phrase for "The Bomb" or "The S***".

I try to pride myself of being hip or up to date on things. This was the first time in my life my age showed. Wow.

A light in this world...

Sometimes there are things I just don't understand. As the weather has been getting colder and the sky getting darker, it seems as though gloom is all around me. I ache for my friends.

Coming in to work this morning I got some awful news. A girlfriend of a radio personality was in a car accident, she's in the hospital awaiting surgery but her brother passed away. This is the second loss she has experienced within a year; her father passed away in March.

Last week my friend's grandfather passed away, and I have heard of many relationships breaking up. With all of this gloom, to be a light in this world is a constant effort. I don't have reasons, but because I'm a Christian people ask me, "see why does this happen.." and I feel like I should know.

My heart goes out to all who ache. I pray that my faith will give comfort to others.

Thanksgiving Holiday..

A few points from my Thanksgiving Break...

1. Do NOT try to golf when it 30 degrees and windy.
2. Family football is a good idea until the day after and you are so sore.
3. Driving when you have a lot on your mind can be a good thing. (except when the only thing on the radio is Christmas music...)
4. Family can actually be a good thing when things aren't going so well.
5. God can still speak to my heart to realize I am blessed no matter what storms I am going through.



I have finally received peace that I have needed for a week. As hard as it is for something to end that didn't seem wrong, I know God is working in my heart. I will never waste my time on a relationship that was anything less then what I just experienced. God is turning me into a 'sally' and I think I'm okay with that. I just know God is doing wonderful things in my heart and one day bless my life with a man that deserves me and an amazing family.

Now, the storm I have to get through is everyday from 8am-5pm.

Pride

How long do you let your pride keep you from being volunerable. Always tired of the same mistakes, showing weakness. Never wanting anyone to see it and when they do you are embarrassed. Pushing people away.

This week I have turned over that leaf. I have been run down. I am on empty. It's time that I open my heart, spill what is left of it out. With this I hope to fill up with God's fresh love. Today I realized that it's okay to not be strong.

Lessons Learned

Thinking back on where I've been, God has gotten me through a lot. Each circumstance has brought a lesson in my life. As I search for answers to possible 'lessons' I'm supposed to learn in this set of storms, I've come up with a few possibilities.

1. God's unwavering grace. The positive people I'm surrounded with keep me reminded that God continually blesses me. I am no where near where I used to be when I was without Him. Times get tough, but my faith gets stronger.

2. I am a witness. With the recent changes in my life, I am a witness to those around me. Young Life kids, co-workers, etc, etc. The way I handle situations reflects God in my heart. I could potentially lead someone around me to see Christ in my thoughts, words, and actions.

3. I deserve a Christian relationship. Until Ryan I never felt that in my heart. I never believed that a Christian man could love me/care for me because of where I've been. Ryan's genuine Christian heart allowed me to open up about my past and rest assured that I was a new person in Christ. If anything, I can walk away knowing that I can be respected.

4. Patience rested in faith.

5. The power of prayer is huge. I will do nothing in my day but pray. Prayer for praise, prayer for restoration, prayer for peace, and prayer for softening of hearts. Prayer is huge and I feel this is my only way to be vulnerable and raw with God. ...ask and you shall receieve, knock and He will answer....

My storms are not yet over. After much surrender, I know God is with me. I will not be sure of what God is trying to teach me right now, until these storms pass. My heart will be shaped and molded into what God desires, but until that day when the ache of change is gone, I will praise my God for every day of deliverance.

My storms

It seems that when I feel the closest to God, Satan attacks, at everything I have. My favorite song depicts what I have to do, what I need to believe, and where I need to humble myself to my God. My prayer request is for peace. Peace in my relationships, finances, and job, because right now it's all up in the air.

"Praise you in this Storm" by Casting Crowns
I was sure by now God you would have reached down
and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
that it's still raining
as the thunder rolls
I barely hear your whisper through the rain,
I'm with you
and as your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away.

Chorus:
And i'll praise you in this storm
and i will lift my hands
that you are who you are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
you hold in your hand
you never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise you in this storm

I remember when I stumbled in the wind
you heard my cry you raised me up again
my strength is almost gone how can I carry on
if I can't find you
and as the thunder rolls
I barely hear you whisper through the rain
I'm with you
and as your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away

I lift my eyes unto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth
I lift my eyes unto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth

Have you ever felt cheated?

Imagine being afraid of flying. Through God's grace you met a pilot. You had the desire to fly, so you decided it best to educate yourself to make it easier. You built a friendship with the pilot, learned about the plane, read books, sought advice, when the time comes you are ready to fly. The pilot cancels the trip. Imagine what that feels like in your heart.

I feel that now.

My work day...

These are the things we watch at work...in addition to facebook, blogs, myspace...can you tell I'm really 'into' my job?

PS: If you think it's dumb, keep watching.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q5im0Ssyyus

For Sale

I know mostly my friends read this blog, and they already know...but my car is for sale.

It's a 2002 Ford Explorer XLT V8.
Tan leather interior/tan exterior
Sunroof
6 changer CD player
towing package
4 wheel drive
100k
$9,500

Let me know if you or anyone you know would be interested.

Fall Weekend

This past weekend I had the privilege of spending a weekend with high school kids and young life friends. It was definitely a challenging experience but God spoke to me throughout this weekend.

For certain reasons I have to be indirect on this subject. I feel very lead to make a change in my life, and I pray that God continues to open doors for me. It's one of those times in life where I have told God, lead me and I will follow. I received peace hearing God tell me that He would take care of me in my worries about the situation.

I just am grateful that God speaks to me and for once in my life I hear Him clearly.

It's about time..

I've been post-poning this blog post until I felt I could openly tell you all the truth. I have a boyfriend.

I know, try to contain yourselves. ;) It's something completely different for me to handle. And for all my friends who worried about me last time, Ryan IS a man of God. He challenged me spiritually from the first time we started talking. Our conversations cease to end, heck our 1st date was 4 1/2 hours long at Panera. We saw the lunch crowd, the emptyness, and then the dinner crowd.

For the first time in my life I don't question my relationship. Typically Satan puts ideas in my head, or negative thoughts, but Ryan does not confirm any of them. I love the time we spend together laughing and being stupid. He has a huge servant heart.

I am excited and praising God everyday. I don't deserve a guy like Ryan, but I will surely be diligent for my Lord who always provides.

My cross..My attack

One of the things that I have always struggled with (and I KNOW I'm not alone) is money. A friend said it best today, "I'm paying for the mistakes I made years ago." I know God is a faithful God, and He has ALWAYS provided. Especially to diligent and earnest servants. Things have been going really good in my life. I see Satan taking this opportunity to attack my cross that I bear regarding finances. I pray for the day that I worry no longer and that I am able to provide for others that lack.

The Gym Clique

Summer and I have been on a workout schedule for maybe 1-2 months? I don't exactly remember what triggered us to start our 6am workout, but despite some accidents and illness, we have stayed strong. Each morning my routine after my workout pretty much stays the same. In the locker room there is a group of women (clique) that must have known each other for years. They talk about family, relationships, TV, shopping...the typical female locker room stuff. Me being the social butterfly that I am, I get ready on the complete opposite side of the locker room and keep to myself. Today the locker room barrier was broken. We spoke.

Here I was, minding my own business getting ready to hop in the sauna when
Clique Member #1 asked me where I got my bandeau towel. Caught off guard I answered her, and a conversation struck up. (Mind you, only about towels- she uses the towel service at Golds)
Clique member #2 thanked me when I got her papertowel to dry her hands without her asking for it.
Clique Member #3 was surprised I noticed her hair color was darker and told me I was the only one who noticed when I complimented her on it.

I prayed God would work in my heart this morning when I woke up. I want to show people love and kindness. I broke the Locker room barrier. Maybe in another few months I will actually be able to get ready near them. :)

Peace

God has been speaking to me the past two weeks. Not only have I had a constant peace about things in life, I am genuinely happy. I feel compassion, I feel love, and I feel patience.

Yesterday on my way to the gym I heard 1 of my favorite worship songs, "Praise you in this Storm" by Casting Crowns. On my way home from the gym I heard my 2nd favorite, "Love Song for a Savior" by Jars of Clay. The previous night I had the song stuck in my head from church..strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord..I heard that on the way from my house to work. It was one of those moments where I just needed to praise God then and there.

Last night I had a 'raw' moment with God. It was one of those moments that I felt all the burdens I have been carrying lifted off my shoulders. I wept in praise.

I am so excited for the things God is doing in my heart, and also what He is providing for my heart! :)

Diligence = Deliverance

This semester our Young Life team focused on a devotional that discussed the importance of diligence in our lives. As a personal goal I wanted to be more obiedient to God. In doing so I've experienced Satan's attack.

Last Wednesday I heard Jeff Schwartzentraub give a message on Getting through the Wilderness. I went to church that night with a full obiedient heart, not searching for what I would get out of my experience. But the result has changed my heart. I was able to release a burden I have been carrying all of my life. My efforts have been rewarded with peace.

Battlefield..

Last night I started reading this book about the battlefields of our minds. I only read the first chapter because I like to absorb and work through each subject.

As a remember before my Christian days the ideas of Satan and God seemed very cartoonish to me. You know, the good angel bad devil stuff. Like the ideas were aparations floating above me, not real figures in today's world. Even as I read last night I struggled with the idea of presenting Satan and God to a non-Christian. How can I describe the evils of Satan without sounding either 'looney' or 'churchy'.

Today I am under great attack. I believe it's because I'm starting from square one to get rid of the 'strongholds' that I have had in my mind from years ago that lead me to feel the way I do now. Every minute goes by and something new is going on about how I feel. I don't feel content. I see glimpses of a peaceful mind. Today is definately a day that I should have taken a personal day.

PS: Doesn't help that work is pretty slow!

"When you have nothing, it's THEN you begin to start living." -The Ultimate Gift

How true.

Movie Review: "The Ultimate Gift"

I'm typically not the person who does reviews on movies or music, but after watching "The Ultimate Gift" I had to do something that spread the word about this great movie.

The main character goes through some huge challenges in order to receive this gift from his dead grandfather. As materialistic as this man is, he is intrigued by the anonymity of the gift. Throughout the movie he faces realizations that I believe every one of us should analyze on a daily basis.

After the movie was over I was looking at my life and realizing all of the gifts God has blessed me with. Sometimes we get so caught up in the materialisim of life. I highly recommend this movie to everyone, especially youth ministry leaders.

Job.

The past few nights I have had the urge to read the book of Job. (This post isn't about my j-o-b unfortunately, I wish I could blog about that...)

Job was so faithful to his Father. Through his faithfulness, God blessed Job with abundance of livestock and a great family. Even after Satan got permission to 'test' Job from God, Job still remained faithful. (It's sounding now where I'm reading that Job is questioning things, but I'm not there yet..) Something else struck me funny.

"When the parties were over, Job would get up early in the morning and sacrifice a burnt offering for each of his children, thinking, "Maybe one of them sinned by defying God inwardly." Job made a habit of this sacrificial atonement, just in case they'd sinned."

My question is can Job really sacrifice for his children and God forgive them? I know this is the Old Testament but there is a case in the New Testament where Jesus mentions to a crippled man, "You are saved by your friend's faith."

I have my thoughts on this, but I'd be interested in hearing what you guys think about this.

Forsaking All I Trust Him

Sometimes faith is all you can have.


God, Your will be done.

My intentions...

Things this week have been pretty crazy for me. With the changes in work, things just seem so unstable. Time flies by and so does my time with God. I sit down, more like lay down, to be with God and end up falling asleep. Last night my schedule was open, and I took full advantage of it.

For my baptisim, I got the book titled, "The Secrets of the Secret Place". I'm using this as a study guide for my campaigner girls, but last night I read a chapter that really got a thought process started.

I have always thought being a Christian was a way to live your life, believing in what God did for us, and impacting the lives of others. In the chapter I was reading it talked about not being a Christian to impact other's lives. But the main purpose of being a Christian is to be closer to God. It's a simple thought but in reality I can honestly say I don't think I've processed that before. I do want to be Christ-like because I believe thats how God made us. But I wanted to be a positive influence on other people. With that in mind I use other people as accountability. But in reality I should want to do this for God.

Today I am pushing through work with that focus in mind. Suffering through cold calls, for God only.

My passion..

Yesterday was a very defensive day. With changes in the market with Hippie radio 101.1 we have been faced with a lot of skeptics. There is even a website where radio folks, who have nothing better to do with their time, do nothing but talk smack about jocks, stations, etc. I found myself getting defensive.

But with this in my heart, I realized my passion. I have always had a love for music of all genres. But now music is my passion. I have dedicated my career to music and I know the power of radio for advertisers. My mission is to grow businesses through the power of music.

Today I feel energized to go show people my passion and excitement for not only Hippie 101.1 but radio.

Hippie Radio..

The past day has been filled with change for my job and Independence Media as a whole. Most of the time people are scared with change, and I can't lie, I was at first. As of tomorrow, we are introducing a new format to this market. Mix 101.1 that was once carried by Scott & Gin will now be Hippie 101.1.

http://www.hippieradio.net/ (program website)

http://www.myhippie.com/ (local website)

Check it out, and Baby Boomers around tune in to Hippie Radio starting Wednesday the 19th!

Liberty Mutual..

The power of advertising is something I have chosen to base my career on. Yesterday as I was relaxing watching the Cubs and Bears dominate, a commercial came across that caught my eye.

http://www.whyresponsibility.com/

Although this morning it took me long to figure out what company it was, because the creative of the commercial was what really stuck in my mind...I watched this again and still got that good feeling. What an inspiration, and to show that everytime we do something nice for someone else, people are watching. What can this say about our Christian lives? If we live like Jesus on a daily basis, doing things out of love and kindness, people will notice and in turn do the same thing.

Yoga

Technically Friday are 'optional' days on Summer's and my workout plan. With interuptions yesterday neither of us went. (She actually had a puking kid, I just needed sleep.) This wonderful Friday morning, while the sun was still sleeping, Summer and I decided to attend the 5:30 am Yoga class at Gold's. A few reflections:

1. I am not as flexible as I once was.
2. I never knew how 'tight' my body was until I was stretching it.
3. My back as never felt so good then when I was in the different positions.

There was quite a spiritual side to Yoga that I was never aware of. I always thought of hippies when I thought of yoga. (According to Blue Like Jazz hippies have the unconditional love like Christians should, minus the whole pot thing.) We prayed for a blessing before and after the session and we meditated before we began. This provided a time to get one on one with God. Although my muscles were quaking during some of the routine, I will have to say I thoroughly enjoyed downward dogging it all morning.

(I just wonder how sore I will be tomorrow)

Monday Monday..

As I sit here at my desk this Monday morning, I wonder where my weekend went. Friday night I got the privilege to help my friends make their new house a home. This included painting, and ripping up floors. How exiciting that I was able to be apart of their new life. Saturday was a day dedicated to Young Life. I spent 7 hours (no I'm not complaining Summer) getting trained and hanging out with my fellow Young Life leaders. Saturday night was a great time to share with my old college roomates that came in town just for Sunday.

As I have mentioned in previous blog posts, God has been working in my heart. One of the things I have been challenged to do was to finally give my heart to Him. To symbolize my acceptance of this, I made a public declaration in front of my friends and family. Yesterday I was baptized. Not your average baptisim I must say, I mean how many people can say they have seen someone baptized in a softtub?

I would have people ask me, "So how do you feel?" after the actual dipping, and in complete honesty I didn't feel any different. Well, not until I was trying to sleep and kept tossing and turning. I was replaying the events in my head, wondering the effect this had on others. I'm not the type of person who can handle compliments, or cry for that matter. But yesterday I was forced to accept the nice things people said about me, with a simple "Thank you." I knew it would be an emotional day, but I don't think I have ever been as nervous as I was. My hands were shaking, my stomach was turning, I couldn't even get through the first paragraph of my testimony without crying for pete's sake.

I enjoyed being able to share this experience with my friends. I was finally able to talk to my college friends about my faith in a way that would explain why I moved away. I affirmed my mom after all the years of a broken relationship, and I got to finally thank the people who broke down the wall around my heart, the Waids.

I now realize that declaring this step in front of 40 people must bring about change in my life. I have 40 brothers and sisters in Christ that don't want to see me fall. What an inspiration to be a better person.

Thank you to everyone who was able to share this day with me. I love you all.

Christianity in sales..

The reputation of a sales professional is money grubbing and scandalous. That is a stereotype that I am dedicating myself to break. I have noticed a continual struggle with my workday. My goal is to have my work glorify God. I want to serve other's and their businesses by offering growth through radio. The problem with breaking the stereotype is that people automatically assume you are nothing but a sleazy salesperson. It takes tough skin, a genuine heart and perseverance to show them the difference. I'm working on that.

I want my work to glorify God. I know He will provide me with clients that will see my true heart. Until then I pray for unconditional love to the people who call me names, and have nothing but rude comments in response. I want to be the difference in sales, at Independence Media, and to the community in which I am calling on. The difference with my work will be my character, which is solely a result of God in my heart.

(It's nice to know that the corporate employee I shared this with yesterday is in full support of my method.)

Something new..

Since I am getting baptized on Sunday, I am using this opportunity to discover secrets hiding in my heart so I can completely get washed clean.

A theme that I never really thought of before was my body being God's not mine. The things I do with and to myself aren't just hurting me, it's against the Holy Spirit that is in my heart. Summer and I have started a 6am workout. So we can get a workout in before work and kids get out of bed. It definately was a different experience getting ready for work at the gym. I enjoyed it! It's only 9am and I'm wide awake!

Church this weekend definately got me inspired to give my all to God in all I do. This week I will focus on my work being for God, instead of my career.

I pray that God continue to shine a light on things that I should focus on, and give away to Him this Sunday.

Christianity after college.

Since graduating I have had the wonderful opportunity to take three trips this summer. Throughout these times God has spoken to me and I believe has really changed and formed my heart. Here is a recap.

1. There were different times where I felt God moving into my heart asking for everything. I was reading this book called Time Bandits when I was consumed by my worries. A quote mentioning, "Concern yourself with what concerns Me, and I will take care of the things that worry you." I have been blessed by 2 out of the 3 worries have been taken care of. I know things will always not be this worry free but I am okay with believing God will take care of them when they arise.

2. I'm getting baptized. I believe this summer God has really weighed on my heart to start clean. To make a declaration of my surrender to Him. To make this even more meaningful, I am having not only my mentor but my friend baptize me. It will be a little different then the typical church ceremonies, I will be baptized at the Sletten's house by Summer.

3. I have found that I am completely in disgust by the life I used to live. The way people act as if their lives aren't important, and all they are out for is a good thrill made me feel sorry for them. I am so glad finally I have been delivered by what was a struggle of mine for years.

4. I laugh about it now, but I genuinely feel for people. A couple of weeks ago I saw someone weaping, and my heart ached for them. I cried at some stupid Mandy Moore movie because she was letting herself love another. I recieved a gift from someone and I cried like a baby. I have been praying for immense compassion and I have found it. I wasn't crying for any other reason then sympathy and celebration.

I recognize daily the gifts I have from God. I search biblical ways to handle situations. I use scripture as a focus for things I do. If I start to worry I am immediately reminded God will deliver me as long as I am faithful to Him. I know all of you Christians are thinking to yourself, "This is what it should have been like all along...duh" but I have come to the conclusion that being a Christian is easier for me after I graduated college.

Re-occuring theme..

The past few days I have had one reoccuring theme in my life. Storms. It's been beautiful weather, but I mean the life is out of control storm.

I'm sure that I've blogged about this particular verse before, but I can remember over a year ago listening to a pastor at New Community talk about Mark 4. In case you aren't familiar:
"That day when evening came, he said to his disciples, "Let us go over to the other side." Leaving the crowd behind, they took him along, just as he was, in the boat. There were also other boats with him. A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, "Teacher, don't you care if we drown?" He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, "Quiet! Be still!" Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.
He said to his disciples, "Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?"
They were terrified and asked each other, "Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey him!"

I think it's so important that we use this story as a reminder that we as believers should know God will take care of us even when we think things are over our heads.

Casting Crowns says it perfectly, "I will praise you in this storm." Amen!

God's path..

So the past few days I've been feeling God leading me to step out of my comfort zone and venture out in regards to my career. I've started working in the position where I feel He's leading me, but I started thinking, "What if it's my idea and not God's?" I have been praying about it constantly, and actually this epiphany came to what I believe is an answer to a prayer... so in that regards, where do I disconnect my desires with God's leading?

"Personal Day"

Yesterday was an amazing day for realizations. I don't want people to be under the impression that I was sad or depressed, that simply wasn't the case. I needed to take some time to myself to re-evaluate what I had going on in my life, and God showed up to help.

It was such a great day to do whatever I wanted. It has been a long time since I have been able to take a day for myself. I needed a fresh start. I moved some stuff around in my room and deep cleaned what hasn't been reachable since I moved in. I recommed every one take a day like that to 'get your heart right'.

Today has been an amazing reflection of the time I spent yesterday. My heart is at peace even with the stresses of the world, but I am confident that God will get me through like He always has. I read a quote last night in a book I was given about "Time Bandits". It said, Worry about how you can live for God and He will take care of the things that worry you. (not a direct quote, but you get the jist)

That's exactly what I need to do.

On bended knee...

The past week has been filled with rough but necessary realization. While I was traveling to California my spiritual relationship was in full blossom. I have never felt as close to God outside of a retreat then I did while I was there. I believe I was growing in ways I needed in order to fully dedicate my heart to God and surrender my life to Him. When I got back home, it's been nothing but challenges.

After church this morning, it took all I had not to break down into tears. I'm not depressed and playing my own violin's of sorrows, I'm explaining God's works and I need to be brutally honest even if it does cause me embarrassment. I was standing in the hallway with some of the most humanly influential people in my life. These including the people who introduced me to Christ, and also the people who inspire me to be more Christlike everyday. I stepped out to walk to my car and my heart was bursting. My whole way home I was putting together pieces of the challenges I have faced the past week and was uncontrollably broken.

Last week I had visions of what I was really facing in my life. Today, put it together. I have desires of surrendering myself to Christ, fully. That is something I don't believe I have ever done, but in times like these I have to, God is really all I have here. My job produces nothing but anxiety and frustration. I dread going into work because I get sucked into the gossip and anger everyday. My finances are literally causing me to consider a second job which would sacrifice my sanity and lack of 'me' time I already miss. My phone constantly rings by people in which I owe money to and every time it causes me to cringe because I would give anything to just be able to pay them and not worry about it anymore. I see everyone around me moving into that next phase of life and it creates such a desire in my heart. There is not even a lead to that part in my future. (Disclaimer: this just adds to the list, and is actually the least of my worries) The things I valued are broken. I dropped my brand new phone and shattered the screen, no insurance. My camera in which I enjoy broke the second day I was in California. My friends (including myself) are all so busy starting our lives that we don't really have time for each other.

All of this has caused me to really evaluate what I have in life. I have come to realize that when it seems you have nothing it makes you realize the one thing that you will always have; unfortunately it takes your whole life falling apart in order to realize that.

I know it's been awhile. A lot has gone on in my life since my last post. I will take the time to explain in more detail later, but I just have a prayer request. Something that always seems to get me down, even after such a great spiritual few weeks is my finances. I just ask if you have a second, to please pray that things work out. I know God has ALWAYS provided, and I believe he will, it's just until it happens my heart races and I have anxiety for the amount of loaded up debt. The hardest part is through the past month I have cancelled ALL of my credit cards, so what I would use to get gas or food is not there. I need financial peace.

Fireworks...

Last night Tara and I had a very relaxing evening. We both cleaned our separate quarters and decided to watch a movie. It was during the middle of the stupid movie, "Must Love Dogs" I got up to get a drink. I was standing by the sink when all of a sudden I heard a BANG. Typically when I would hear that sound, I would think someone had just gotten 'capped'. Not in the Ravenwoods.

Tara and I quickly ran outside to find my neighbors shooting off fireworks. It was a good minute and a half show, and afterwards all of the neighbors who were standing on their porches started clapping and shouting. "Thanks Jeff" "You ROCK!" Kids were running all over the streets laughing and singing. What a way to celebrate the summer together.

I love my house.

Culture Shock

Last Saturday my friends Summer and Molly convinced me to go to the Elmwood Strawberry Festival with them. I decided to attend the festivities to culture myself in small town interaction. The whole day kept reminding me of such movies like "Sweet Home Alabama" and "Steel Magnolias".


It took about 20 minutes to absorb the whole 'experience'. That including: a band singing patriotic songs while the crowd stood at attention, a craft display consisting of booths only selling homemade jewlerly, woodwork and light covers, a center for prominades, and the best of all the FAIR STORE that sold only items that were made 20+ years ago. It blew my mind how they could still have them there. I just wanted to touch everything, and make sure I wasn't dreaming. We decided that in order to enrich our cultured experience we will be traveling to various festivals around the area.





Here are a few pictures for your viewing pleasure.





This was the Strawberry Jam that was sold. I like to take note to the mason jars. You know your in the country if you use mason jars.
































Please note not the horrible look on Summer's face, but the clogger in the background. Summer did not get the memo that she would actually still be IN the picture, although the main focus was to take a picture of this horribly embarrassing outfit without being obvious. This was taken after lunch as we were enjoying Strawberry Pizza and a fabulous Strawberry Shortcake.





This was the cheesy band playing. They all had matching pale yellow shirts on. They were singing God Bless America while the crowd stood at attention with their hands over their hearts. Touching.























What a better way to get into the Elmwood spirit then to get face paint. Although we had to pummel some little kids because they didn't think we were in line and kept cutting us.




Yes, this was all of us with our Strawberry Fest Strawberry on our face. Molly was the only one whose strawberry didn't look 'booty'.

I am happy to say that I survived my first small town Festival. Thanks Molly and Summer for dragging me to it!



*Sorry if this publishes wrong, I haven't posted pics in a long time!

My life..

Life after college has been great. I've had a chance to relax and re-evaluate who I want to be 'when I grow up' which I guess is now.

Work has been keeping me busy, and I still enjoy what I do. However I still do not have benefits, and I am typing this with a headache I have had for days beating behind my left eye. I have been miserable sleeping, probably havent slept through the night for a week and a half. Maybe I should look into the benefits thing..

I have really been blessed with my friendships. Thats all for now.

Motherhood Moment...

For those of you who know me, you know my intense passion for kids. I dream of the day I can start a family. Well this past weekend, yesterday included was a definate 'motherhood experience' for me.

It was a beautiful Saturday afternoon and my wonderful friends and I were outside enjoying the weather (and celebrating my graduation) when I was holding someone that I love dearly! All of a sudden I feel warm drench my legs and lap. Lyza Gray was feeling under the weather and decided to empty her stomach- which was just fed- all over me. Projectile vomit that missed her clothing entirely but managed to drench me. But it wasn't just one tiny little puke. It was 3 sepearate sections of projectile vomit. The whole group was in shock, especially her parents. I didn't know what to do, I just kept her on my lap until she finished puking. The comments from the peanut gallery didn't help either, "Oh Sick," "Thats gross!" "Look at all that puke." Needless to say on a day of celebration, everyone wants to look their best, and I was covered in puke. So much I needed to get hosed off before entering my house to shower.

Last night I had the pleasure of picking my niece and two nephews up from their school in Bloomington. Sydney is 5, Alex is 3, and Ethan is 7 months. I carted the three to Buffalo Wild Wings (where I definately got looks, being a 'single mother and all'.) We bath and get ready for bed. All was going perfect until I hear the monitor starting to go off at 3 am. Ethan was crying. Of course he didn't want a bottle, he didn't need to be changed, he just wanted to be held. So for an hour and 45 minutes, I held him, and eventually layed him in bed with me. Of course I didn't sleep well because I was terrified of rolling onto him. - I'm not a big roller I just hear people talking about it.-

Needless to say I have had motherly experiences lately, and although I still love kids dearly...I'll wait.

My awesome house..

I've lived in my house for 6 months now, and it wasn't until this month I realized how beautiful it actually is. Our house has so many spots that we never used, mostly because all of the tenants would just retreat to the bedrooms and thats it.

The other night it was beautiful outside so I went and spent 45 minutes with God. The stars in the sky, and the breeze were just enough to make me never want to go inside. I've been a really big advocate for staying at home lately.

I am having a graduation party on Saturday so tonight it's clean clean clean, but with my amazing roomates I know it'll be turned into fun instead of a chore!


(Lame post...sorry)

My stupid mouth..

So I've always been a big cusser. It's a nasty unattractive habit, I know. I typically do it in a joking manner or when I am alone, except when I get all riled up.

My young life girls know they can swear around me, I feel it provides for a 'safe enviornment' where if they swear and I don't flinch then they can talk about other things and the same peaceful reaction will occur. I try not to swear around them, until my stupid mouth slipped tonight. I think/hope only a few of my closest friends, one YL girl heard me. Immediately after I felt remorse.

I have been constantly nagged about my 'language' by my friend Ryan, but tonight I felt so convicted immediately after, it was embarrassing. I don't want those words to come out of my mouth and people look at me to see a religious leader. I know it says in the Bible that my words should only be pure and of God...my challenge for myself this week is that I clean up my mouth. (If you ever hear me, feel free to call me out on it!)


Only one more day of class and 3 finals to go!

My wonderful friends...

Yesterday I couldn't help but let joy fill my heart all day long. God has blessed me with a great group of friends. It's like they understand me. Their kind words and prayers helped me get through my tough week.

It's good friends like that who help me not get offended when I get called, "Bible Study" from others.


Thank you, to all my friends.

Freedom!

My week is over! Only finals now and I will be a college graduate.

Last Horrah..

It hit me on Sunday that the girls I have grown with the past 4 years, are all leaving town and getting into the real world in a few weeks. Granted, I moved away because I needed to get out of that lifestyle, but I never wanted to get away from them.

This week has been extremely busy for me. With work, school, Chi Omega senior week. I have been trying to spend as much time with my best friends as possible. This prevents me from getting home before 2:30am. I figure this is my last college horrah! (I'm sure I'll elaborate on this more later...)

My Week

I didn't sleep last night. Do you ever have those nights where all you can do is think about the stuff that lies undone so if you HAPPEN to fall asleep you dream about those things, and it's such a light sleep that a cricket wakes you up..that was me last night.

When I get stressed, my body shuts down. The past two weeks I have been sick, fighting fevers, sinus infections and losing and finding my voice daily.

Today I have a semester long campaign presentation. It's a high percentage of our grade, like 3/4. A lot of weight is on today. We were up until 2:30am working on it, averaging 9 hours of work each day the past weekend. (We met everyday last week also..) Tomorrow I have a presentation that had to be pushed back to tomorrow because last week I had no voice. I am finished with the presentation, but after watching everyone else go I need to re-vamp my approach. Then Thursday is the next presentation.

Keep in mind, this whole time my boss is out of town this week so I am at the office everyday. It is also Senior week for my sorority so we have something everynight this week at 9pm.

I know it's bad to quote the prior post..but this week: "Lord beer me strength"

The Office

I never do this...... but I couldn't resist.

Jim: "Lord, beer me strength."

Distractions

Lately I have been realizing, that I fill my life with distractions, on purpose. With graduation coming up, I will have a lot of time on my hands. I think it will seriously drive me crazy! I strive at keeping myself busy so when I accomplish tasks, I actually FEEL accomplished.

What I have found is that my distractions I choose to fill my mind with cause me to lose focus on God. Things I know I have no control over. I should be turning them over to Him, but I still let them roam in my mind. This could explain my God dry spell.

I don't know how to stop.

"Take Me Out to the BALLPARC"

On Monday, April 23rd my senior project group is hosting a baseball game at O'Brien Field in recognition and celebration of PARC, a local not-for-profit organization. PARC has been serving developmentally disabled participants in the Peoria area for 55 years.

Gates open at 5:30 and the first pitch is at 6:30. The Peoria Chiefs will be playing the Kane County Cougars. Tickets are only $5.00

The PARC "Dream Team" consisting of 9 PARC participants will be announced along with the Chief players during the National Anthem.

A raffle with prizes donated from local businesses will be held and all the proceeds will go to benefit PARC.

On Monday, April 23rd, bring the family to cheer on your Peoria Chiefs and celebrate PARC. We'll see you at the ballPARC!

*If anyone is interested in donating a monetary gift or a raffle item, please let me know! All items are tax deductible and PARC is a 501 (c)3.

Who I am..

This morning God has put on my heart for me to analyze who I am. More importantly, who I portray I am to others. I have never really thought about it much, but I can imagine countless times where I don't portray on the outside, who I really am on the inside.

Once I figure it all out, I'll post more.

Satan..

Before I became a Christian I always compared people who talked about Satan to those who obsess themselves with mythical creatures. Satan to me was just this image that was on a trading card or a video game. I now know how real he is.

As I posted before I was able to release myself of things I was holding on to this past weekend. I wasn't the same person I used to be and it was evident when I read my journals. It was depressing to read the past few months of journals. But after this weekend I re-checked my heart and found it was filled with natural things instead of spiritual things (Romans 8)

Yesterday, Satan tried to get at me. Fill my head with negative ideas and images with what I had just released off my heart. How frustrating! It was as if I knew the truth of God, but still was under attack of Satan. One thing I learned last night was that Satan can't read your mind. Since we are filled with the holy spirit Satan is unable to break through. So in order to get his influences out of our hearts we need to tell him outloud. (Thanks Gina)

I pray that today I can focus on living in the Spirit.

Forgiveness

So the theme of my past weekend has apparently been forgiveness. Knowing that God forgives me, and actually accepting that forgiveness in addition to forgiving myself. Well I was reading a book last night (I've been reading it FOREVER....) "It Comes from Within" and the chapter I was reading talks about confession. When we confess things it should be a sign of change. A conscious effort to not commit the same sin again.

Today I confessed and admitted to someone that I made a mistake. I think in order for me to release the shame and accept God's forgiveness, I needed to apologize to the person I wronged. That was a lot harder then I thought! Admitting my mistake and coming clean with the reason I allowed myself to let me guard down was eye opening.

I pray that I continually can admit when I'm wrong....and ask for forgiveness even if the person doesn't understand why I need it.

Forgiveness

So the theme of my past weekend has apparently been forgiveness. Knowing that God forgives me, and actually accepting that forgiveness in addition to forgiving myself. Well I was reading a book last night (I've been reading it FOREVER....) "It Comes from Within" and the chapter I was reading talks about confession. When we confess things it should be a sign of change. A conscious effort to not commit the same sin again.

Today I confessed and admitted to someone that I made a mistake. I think in order for me to release the shame and accept God's forgiveness, I needed to apologize to the person I wronged. That was a lot harder then I thought! Admitting my mistake and coming clean with the reason I allowed myself to let me guard down was eye opening.

I pray that I continually can admit when I'm wrong....and ask for forgiveness even if the person doesn't understand why I need it.

My shame..

I was told by a friend that I should go to the Good Friday service at Northwoods. I have celebrated the 'events' of Easter before, but in all honesty never like this.

I have been holding on to my shame. I do things I'm not proud of and I ask forgiveness. By God's grace, I am forgiven but as Cal said it perfectly, "It's our mind that prevents us from forgiving ourselves." In my past I have been taught that things can be forgiven, but not forgotten. With any mistake I made growing up, it was forgiven, but always brought back up at one point in time or another. The idea of having something shameful be forgiven and FORGOTTEN has been fairly new to me, and extremely hard to accept. On Friday, as a part of the service, I wrote down the things that I was ashamed of. (My friend Nancy said it perfectly, by asking for a notebook instead of the small paper they provided..) I had the opportunity to tear up my shame, and give it all up to God. Two days later I still feel peace in my heart from my shame.

Easter was great. I was able to attend the service with a friend, whom I didn't know was a Christian. Then I had reflection time. I layed in bed, listened to music and stared out the window. I felt full of God.

Life is really crazy now. I graduate in a month and balancing work and projects and event campaigns just really take up my life. By the end of the day I try working out to get some "Me and God" time, but when I get home I just crash. It was really amazing to have this weekend with God.

A prayer request: I learned last week, that the full time job I was hoping to get when I graduate won't be ready for me, and it could take months...I didn't plan on that happening so I didn't do any job searching. Possible positions could be available at the station for me, but I just ask that you pray for God to show me where I am supposed to be.

22 going on 35...

Last night....I felt old.

Sunday night we were sitting around the table at the Sletten house when Summer tells me she needs to ask me a question. I should have known it was going to be different when she prefaced with, "Leslie, I have something to ask you and I'm only asking because I know you will tell me no if you want to.." Uh oh. She needed a babysitter on Tuesday (last night..) THEN she casually slips in on Tuesdays Lyza has swimming lessons. I couldn't help but laugh hysterically after she asked me.

After checking my schedule I decided I would go through with it. I took Lyza to swimming lessons. Then, about a stoplight away from the place, my FRIEND (or so she says) Summer decides to break the news to me. "Oh you have to sing this raindrops song.." WHAT! Not only was I going to be in a swimsuit (embarrassing) but I will have to SING (even more embarrassing!)

After spending 30 minutes in the pool with a little fish they call Lyza, and singing 4 SONGS! (not 1) I realized swim lessons weren't as bad as I thought....

My waving neighbors

I know, two posts in one day...

Maybe it's my age, or just my neighborhood but something about it makes me feel cozy. Moving from Bradley's campus to a neighboorhood outskirts of North Peoria has definately been a culture shock.

I can remember sitting on my porch on Fredonia last summer enjoying the beautiful weather and witnessing a drug exchange. Some of you may be asking, "how do you know it was a drug sale?" I'm telling you I saw the driver get out of one car, go into the other, turn on the dome lights to check out the goods all while the girl in the original car was emptying the tobacco out of a cigar in preparation. Drug deal, no doubt about it.

Now that the weather is nice, I drive and in my new neighborhood watch all my neighbors take care of their lawn, have a few beers while sitting on their tailgate chatting it up with other residents. The difference is I drive and it hasn't been one nice day that goes by that my neighbors don't WAVE as I drive by. I'm talking everytime I drive by, even my 5 year old girls that live two houses down, I get waves.

It really makes me feel safe. I mean how could a neighborhood be threatening if it's residents are THAT friendly?

Answered Prayer..

My sleep schedule has been out of wack for the past few weeks. I used to be ready for bed at 9:30 and would be up like clock-work at 7:00 am! It's gotten to the point where I can't fall asleep before midnight and I have to drag myself out of bed. Last night I decided to pray that God give me rest that when I would wake up, I felt refreshed. Well needless to say this morning I woke up, and was wide awake. Too bad it was at 4:15 in the morning!

Hopefully tonight I will be so tired that I can start my old routine again!

Case in point: God does listen, ask specifically.

Selfish Prayer..

Last week I was looking at my dedication to God. Take working out for example. I have been working out a lot lately, and I do it because I love how it feels afterward and I have the drive to fit into that bikini! How selfish! So I've been trying to give my workout to God. Instead of quitting whenever I feel like it. I set a goal and push myself to that goal and give that time to God and look to him for strength.

I've been thinking a lot about prayer ever since Cal spoke last Wednesday at New Community. I had been contending for things to happen through prayer. I was frustrated because I felt worn out, then Cal lite my fire again. A few days after I suddenly felt guilty for my prayers. They were selfish. The prayer was for salvation, but deep down in hopes I would reap benefits of that salvation. That sounds just as bad as I re-read what I typed.

So I stopped praying for that. Is it possible to take the selfish need out of prayer? I fear that if I continue to pray I will hang on to hopes that things will change when really I just need to continue moving on.

Thunderstorms

Typically I LOVE thunderstorms...it's great to just cuddle in bed, in my case..alone. Thats besides the point. I was sleeping and suddenly woke up with a crack of thunder. As I woke up the door to my bedroom was open and the hall light was on. Keep in mind that I always sleep with my door completely closed. Talk about scary waking up to my door being open at 1:00am!!!!! It really was hard to fall back asleep after that.

Needless to say I still was able to lay in bed when it was really time to wake up for the day.

Love.

So I have been taking some time away from blogging just because I've been personally struggling with some things on my heart and I didn't want to always sound negative, or repeat the same ideas I've been recycling. This past week has been really eye opening for me. Maybe it's because the weather is getting nicer, but I have definately heard God.

God spoke to me in a dream the other night. It's probably the first time I woke up and KNEW what I needed to do. I honestly can't remember another time I truely believed God spoke to me like that. After being frustrated with people letting me down, turning their backs on me, and just hurting me...I wanted to write a lot of people off. I am okay with putting people in the "we really don't need to be friends category." My dream told me that I needed to be like Jesus, and love unconditionally regardless of how people love/treat me. The parable running through my head as I was getting ready for the day was the Prodigal Son. And I woke up with the Third Day song "Don't you Know I've Always Loved You" in my head, it's been MONTHS since I've heard it.

The past few days I've been making a conscious effort to love people. We talked about it at campaigners, and it really helps to step out of the box to think about this stuff. Sometimes when we hear our own answers to things, it's really embarrassing that we would think like that. But then it opens our minds and opens are hearts.

God loves us unconditionally and although our backs are turned when we come around He's standing there with open arms. Why can't we be that way for other people?

Sleep Patterns

So my friends make fun of me, but I feel like a grandma with my sleep patterns. Like clockwork, at 9:30 I am ready for bed. There was a time last week that my friends were just meeting to go bowling, and I was crawling into bed. How pathetic.

The past week my sleep has been off. I've been ready for bed, yawning and eyes watering, but I sleep like crap. It takes me a while to fall asleep and when I do I wake up every so often. I don't understand?

Maybe it's my lack of sleep, but today has been a rough day...I hope it gets better.

Me and God.

So I've been trying to open my heart to God's will and live my life accordingly. Moving by the spirit so to speak. But for the life of me I am finding it hard to decipher God speaking to me and my own feelings/thoughts. Example:

Situation A is happening. I know I feel a certain way, and I pray about things to go God's way...my feelings don't change, does this mean I'm stubborn or God really wants me to have these feelings?

I've gotten insight on this topic before and they always point me to God's word, aka The Bible. But thought on that is people have a skill for twisting things into what they want to hear. Or view verses in a way that anything can say what they want it to. Any other ideas?


On a great note: RICHWOODS BEAT WASHINGTON! To all the smack talkers, in your face ;o)

The Perfect 'Personal Day'..

Every once in a while I like to take what I call a 'personal day'. Granted, as a student you don't really get those, but it was about time I took one. I have been thinking for a while that I need to check my heart on some issues. I went to my first class and then went to Starbucks to have some 'me time'.

Now without going into details I have been struggling with issues in regards to forgiveness. Not only with other people, but in my head I didn't deserve God's forgiveness for some things. I've been struggling with my spirituality, it's just been empty. Prayers seem heartless and it's as if I don't believe someone could love me unconditionally enough to forgive me time after time. So I'm sitting at Starbucks reading a book I've had for a while but never was interested in finishing. "It came from within" by Andy Stanley which talks about checking your heart. Well I know God was waiting for me at Starbucks today because who he brought there too. None other than Lonnie Whisker. What a better sign to deal with my struggle for forgiveness than to be face to face with someone who has definately needed forgiveness. Something (I believe it was God) told me to tell Lonnie the impact he had on my life the New Community service he spoke at in June regarding the gospel of Mark and storms in our life. I have never been able to recall such a service where my heart was in it and I felt he was talking to me. (I can remember it almost a year later.) So I told him.

Lonnie and I talked for almost an hour about a lot of different things and we both knew God had us there in the corner of Starbucks for a reason. We prayed and then I went on with my personal day. I was able to then spend an hour and a half with my biggest inspiration and her beautiful daughter. We talked about a lot of random stuff and when it was quite it was a comfortable silence....I know you read this Summer..I hope you know how much I appreciate you and your turkey sandwhiches.

The day continued. When I got home I opened the curtains, did laundry and went to work out. I joined Gold's today. I've noticed a difference in my attitude since I started working out, and I know I can't afford it...but for me, I'd rather be healthy inside and out then buy a new shirt or shoes.

I sit here, just getting home from dinner with Tim and I for the first time in weeks feel in control, and I know that I have none. Tonight I am okay with that. I think I should take personal days more often! (Sorry this was sooo long!)

Old Bones..

So last night I made dinner for my campaigner girls, plus our good friend Michelle and we had a sleepover. It was a lot of fun! We stayed up until all hours just talking, pretty much thats all we did. Ate, talked, and a certain someone who will remained nameless busted out with 'the worm' on my wood floor. Hilarious!
Now since my schedule has been crazy, I typically go to bed at 9:30. The girls had school off today, but I still had to work. So I pooped out about 2:00am. Needless to say I was 30 minutes later to work that I'd hoped, and I'm sure I'll be heading to bed early tonight!
What a blessing from God to have a house where we can all fit and just enjoy spending time together. I love it!

Body Attack..

I am trying to keep myself active since the weather is so crappy...so my friend Alyssa invited me to Body Attack at Gold's. Let me just explain this in detail for your enjoyment on this crappy Friday afternoon:

I showed up not knowing what to expect. When I saw all of these women, ages ranging from 16-mid to late 40's in tight workoutfits, I got a little nervous. Then here comes the instructor wearing her spandex outfit sporting her headset microphone. I gave Alyssa one of those, "Are you serious" looks. The class began and within the first minute of the very first songs, I was ready to be done. I looked at the clock after I tried catching my breath, we had only been in class 15 minutes. (The class is an hour long.)

Visual image:

My face beet red, jumping up and down, flailing arms and kicking legs do a beat that is off from the rest of the class. As the time went on my kicks got lower, my jogs got less bouncy, I wanted to die. I would periodically (okay at least once through every routine) get water, but the instructor would insist on keeping the heart-rate up. My heart was screaming at me. There was even a time I had to go to the bathroom because I thought I was going to throw up from the bouncing. I was a mess! In between routines there would be a 20 second water break. Then the exercise nazi would be at it again demanding "high kicks" and for us to "power punch it out". My favorite part was when we were able to lay down and do sit ups. (Mostly the lay down part...)

I immediately started getting sore muscles. I honestly can't remember the last time I worked out, let alone an HOUR of cardio. 15-20 minutes is the MAX for me. The teacher came up to me and Alyssa after class and commented on how good we were. I personally think it was her way of trying to pep talk us so I would come back.

Thanks to Alyssa I have a week's free pass to Gold's. I guess I don't have to say it, but I'll be back tomorrow. ;o)

Surrender

So I have noticed that since Justin and myself have gotten out of the boring jobs, we blog less. I think that means we must like our new jobs?

A lot has happened since my last post. I've been completely broken and have been trying to restore myself. I've been surrendering myself to God daily, and my week has been 'better.'

I've had a chance to look outside of the past month. When you take yourself out of the situation you realize the truth of what really went on. I kinda blogged about it before but it's becoming more apparent to me every day. When God blessed my life with a good new job, good boyfriend, and my last semester of college, and great friends, I concentrated on what I could make better. I took the good and ruined it all with my control. When I felt things weren't going my way I was a 'spaz'. I made my life and people I care about lives so stressful. Being pulled out of the situation I wish there were things I could do to change. I definately went through a time when I wasn't my typical self.

I try to pride myself on having a smile, balancing a lot of things, and just loving people. I turned from the people I love and made them not want to be around me. I felt I'd be better off alone. I prayed for brokeness. I now pray for answers. I have realized that no matter what I do in my life, I can't control it. God is the only one that can heal me. I wonder if things will ever go back to the way they were.

Enough is enough..

This past month has been horrible. Granted God blessed me with many great things, a new job, a good boyfriend, temporary financial security/peace, control over school, and good friends. I think Charlie was the one who commented when God blesses, Satan attacks. I have been under self scrutiny and last night I realized I can't control everything.

Instead of taking all the blessings God has provided, I concentrated on how things were not in my control and allowed Satan to rule my heart. My job is great, but I worked 55 hours. On top of that I have a Public Relations Campaign for school that we actually have to carry out. (I'll post about that later.) This campaign takes a lot of scheduled meetings, outside work and thats on top of my two online courses and the balance of my 19 credit hour semester. I was concentrating on knowing my future in my relationship instead of living for the day. I wanted to know what God had in store before He wanted me to. When things didn't go my way I looked at the negative. I no longer have a sense of security with my finances, especially after I have many upcoming large bills to pay. My friends are still good, and I love them every moment of my life.

Last night I found myself stuck. Someone I care about lost two people in their life this past weekend. I couldn't control anything. I wanted to console him, I wanted to take his hurt. But it puts me in a hard position because he isn't letting me. My heart was/is so heavy for his family. I can't do this. It all has to be God. I was writing a talk last night for Young Life and the cool thing about this talk was my topic was "God can do anything." How true.

Valentine's Day

So I have NEVER had a good Valentine's day. Ranging from having the day forgotten to revealing a cheating partner, it just hasn't ever been good. Today isn't much different, I had to wake up to facing my night before.

Tim and I broke up. It's hard because for a while I was needed, I could put my efforts into something that seemed to be producing happiness for both. Supposedly it had become a 'rope around the neck'. It hurts facing that. To think I was causing someone that pressure to be a good boyfriend. It is definatley something I will be analyzing and in all honesty, my actions afterward will also cause me agony.

As I was driving away I let my emotions get the best of me. I wanted to show how much I was hurting and get out of there fast. Little did I think, the roads are horrible. I couldn't stop and I swipped someone's car. My first accident at the age of 22. Put it in the books. Of course I was hysterical, but there was no way I was going to blame this on 'breaking up with my boyfriend'. The couple's car I hit the rear light was the only damage. For some reason my right rear-view mirror was shattered. (I haven't quite figured out how my mirror was at the same level as their brake light, but whatever.) To make matters even worse, the wife of the couple was my second grade teacher. :( How embarrassing. Let's recap. This past month my record has been: 2 parking tickets, 1 speeding ticket, and now this.

Pardon me if I slip into a deep financial and emotional hole.

Horrible Super Sunday

So I was driving to Chicago from the YL Mission Community Conference to watch the Superbowl. I had plenty of time so I wasn't speeding. I went through a speed zone at 55mph. Once the construction zone ended I preceded to go 67. Not bad. I don't think I have ever driven that slow on the highway. I get pulled over. The cop said I was speeding, and in my head I was going 2 mph over!! Well it turns out that the highway speed limit is 55 not 65. WHAT?! So what exactly was the point of the speed zone I had just gone through a mile down the road?! Well I bit my tongue on all the things I wanted to argue about and with rolled eyes took my $75.00 speeding ticket.

The night wasn't much better. After the first quarter I don't know what the Bears were doing, but it definately put a damper on the rest of my night. I decided I needed to drive home to think instead of staying the night. Today I am hurting because I took a leap of faith last night.

The hardest part of taking that leap is the hurt and the risk of losing a friend. I don't want him out of my life, but I know there is a big difference in where I am, and where he is. I see a light at the end of the tunnel, but I don't know how long I can stay in the darkness. I know thats vague....sorry.

God just please mold and soften our hearts and shine light on where you want me to be.

Nails on a Chalkboard

So I was registered for a class and by personal circumstances I was forced to get a new teacher. This professor is supposedly the best in the department. He's really flexible and easy going. I just have one problem. It doesn't bother me much that he swears in class, just the fact that he uses the Lord's name in vein. HOW DISTURBING. I notice EVERY time he does it. Not only the G word but the JC word too. It's dissapointing to have a teacher that is looked up to that just flys by the mouth like that.

Thats my thought of the day. PS: Today is my first day and I'm loving it. ;o)

VOP"s

Last night Tim and I were trying to decide where to go eat. It's been years since I've been to Vonochan's so I thought since it was back in action we should try it out. The second we walked in, I did NOT get a good vibe. It wasn't like I remembered it at all! As we were looking over the very broad menu, we kind of wanted to get up and leave. Then I hear a "Too Late" and the waitress was there to take our order. (I probably would have felt too bad to leave anyway..but Tim was coming up with a good plan.)

The problem I had with VOP's, besides the food was horrible...was the fact that their menu was full of choices. Not just food choices, but types of food. They had Italian, Mexican, American, Seafood....kind of like they didn't know what kind of restaurant to be. The ambiance was different too. The room was bright but yet also had candles? Tim and I were the youngest people there. But the foooooooooood.

Not that I am proud of this, but I go out to eat a lot. I have never wanted to leave food on my plate before. I am really picky and like to/need to finish my plate. Not last night. The only thing I was able to finish was my salad and prime rib. Talk about discusting mashed potatoes. Tasted like....well no taste at all actually. Cardboard. The au ju sauce was like a cup of soy sauce. I have never been so dissappointed in a meal before!

I guess next time it's Woodcutter.

One more day..

So last week I informed the AGM that this would be my last pay period of working. I was scheduled three days total these next two weeks. Two this week and one the week after. I didnt' see a point in working that one day, but I didn't say anything to her. I would make more money, and get more work done at my other job, but in my mind I would just suck it up and work that one day...

Well I get to work today noticing that the schedule has been revamped. I have been completely taken off of next week's schedule...which makes tomorrow my last day!!! (I love having things change after I make arrangements for them to work.) Oh well....I don't have to deal with this ANYMORE!! YEE-HAW!!

Hasta Le Viste Courtyard!

The Office

Okay...not THE office, but MY office. This morning I got to check out where I will be working. The office is off of Alta Rd, so right by my house. Let me just tell you that my office chair is leapord print. It's a great little office with pretty much anything I will need. My title is the National & Regional Sales Coordinator for Indepenence Media. I will have my own business cards and Nextel. Look out professional world...here I come. I start next Wednesday!

Great Post.

So I have come to the realization that this is my 100th post. Not only have I been doin the blogging thing for 100 times...if that makes sense but I have something great to blog about. God.

So I put my two weeks in at the hotel before knowing if I would get another job. Total leap of faith, right? Well I would like to say that God has provided once again and I got the job at the radio station! Look out business world, here I come!!!

Thanks all for the prayers and kind words!!! Have a wonderful Thursday!

Leap of Faith.

Today is the big day. Interview day. In order to get a business casual outfit...I don't really enjoy collared shirts, I sold a Best Buy gift certificate to a girl I work with. (I have another one for $50.00 if anyone is going to go shopping anytime soon.) Tough money times call for creative solutions. Let me just explain my leap of faith...

Yesterday, as you can tell by my blog post I was having enough with my job. It has gotten to be such a negative atmosphere where no one is happy anymore. I have the type of personality where I want to fix things, and when people aren't happy, I am not happy. It was showing in my life and attitude outside of work too. I put my two weeks notice in. Actually, I said this would be my last pay period working there, because I was scheduled one day on a new pay period and I thought that was just stupid. Anyways...so God put this desire to lift the negative weight I had been carrying and I prayed all morning. (I know its a few hours, but the desire didn't change one bit.) After I put my notice in, I felt 10x better. I was able to smile and joke around and I just felt good. I'm assuming this was God's way of letting me know He will take care of me.

Long story short, if the interview does not go in my favor today...which I will be okay knowing God will provide...I will need a new full time job, by next Friday. ;o) I appreciate any prayers...I know God is awesome.

FRUSTRATED.

Last night I was sitting in bed and it hit me. I HATE living so far away from everything. Granted, I love the house. But it's just so hard because when you are out there, alone...I go crazy! Maybe I'm just meant to be alone. I live with people, but none of us are ever around each other. If we are at home it's either for bed, or with boyfriends. I guess what sucks for me is the fact that my boyfriend purposely moved out of that house so he wouldnt have to drive that far....which means he isn't around the house much...Last night I was just extremely frustrated. I tried sleeping and waking up with a good attitude....but then I came to work.

Someone who started working the desk the same day as I did has been making the schedule. Granted with school starting, my availability is the same as it was last semester, not as flexible as Christmas break. Well with that being said I am only being scheduled one or two days a week! I went from working 24-40 hours a week to 8-16. If you are confused why I am upset about this...read my previous post about my bills. I can't afford this. It makes me want to leave this place even sooner. I just pray my interview goes well tomorrow.

God grant me peace when times make me angry.

Rain on my parade..

The hotel biz has been really hard to stick with lately. In my head I need to prepare for the real world and I don't think I'm suited for hotels. I love the people I work with. The work just sucks. The problem was I had no idea what I wanted to do. I was at work on Friday when I got a random phone call. It was a lady wanting to set up an interview to be her assistant. She works/I think owns, a few radio stations. I would be working with clients, setting up promotions, filing, and designing stuff on the computer. Very flexible hours and she seems like a great lady to work for, granted I talked to her only for 20 minutes. I got a very good feeling about this after talking with her. She even said she wasn't too concerned with my resume, which was good because I only had a rough draft of one since I never planned on needing it. (I always wanted to go to Cosmetology school after I graduated Bradley.) So the e-mail has been set, and a meeting hopefully will happen within the next week! Prayer REquest please!!

Then comes the rain. I have realized today I am financially struggling again. I'm in over my head in debt. Car payments, cell phone bills, insurance, gas, credit cards, utilities, the list goes on and on. I know God will provide for me...but what if I don't have a car to drive? See my grandparents put money towards what I owe on my car for Christmas and my birthday, so in my head at least payments to my past due balances were being made......well my buddy Selina sent me a letter today informing me again I'm still past due. Dangit. I need some major prayers that God would slap some sense in me when it comes to money. I am so quick to pick up the tab for others becuase I know they would do it for me, or invite someone to dinner to catch up and then realize afterward I could only afford bread and water.

Some people like that struggle, because it brings them closer to God. I don't have that peace.....

on a better note::I'm feeling 10x better healthwise! No more mono!

How Do You...

How do you tell someone what it takes to love.

• That life isn't all about them.
• Money doesn't buy happiness.
• Smiles and laughter only are a part to happiness.
• Life is full of temporary satisfactions.
• Just because Christians don't drink, doesn't make them dorks.
• Most people enjoy to live deeper than surface level with each other.
• Time spent is more valuable than dollars spent.

I guess you should just use words. But why do they never seem to come out right?

Children of Men

Probably the most interesting feel bad movie I have ever seen. The plot was set in 2027 and all of the women were infertile. The whole movie is nothing but blowing buildings up, shooting innocent people, and protecting the first pregnant lady in 20 years. It made me sad to think that life could end up like that. Granted, it's a little far fetched, but my vision of society in the new millenium is more peaceful, not like the movie was. The plot didn't change much after the first 1/4 of the movie, and the suspense wasn't much to keep you interested. In any words, don't go see it.

Beautiful Affirmation

Ever since Saturday I have felt back on track with God. No more hiatus. I went to New Community at Northwoods last night, and let me just tell you I left so refreshed. I know God wanted to show me a sign. It was during worship that it happened. In the row in front of where I was sitting there was this girl. She had to be 4 or 5 years old. Like any little kid wants to do when they are in a large area she was standign on her chair so she could see. The song "Blessed Be Your Name" came on and thats when it happened. This innocent child spread her arms open and began to worship. She would use sign language on the parts she knew but other then that she was signing loud to the Lord with her arms open in surrender. I have never seen anything so beautiful, so outstanding. It brought tears to my eyes, enough that a few fell down my face. The mother looked at her daughter, smiled and looked around to see if she was causing anyone elses' attention. When she caught my eye I smiled and she hugged and kissed her daughter in a way to show me that she too thought it was beautiful.

I have never left a service at Northwoods so uplifted. As Cal talked about the aim for the church beginning this new year, I was excited. I pray that his dreams are fulfilled in that church and I know I want to be there to see it happen. As if church wasn't exciting enough, we had a great campaigners last night! We discussed being a new creation in Christ and the old has gone. We each were able to physically get rid of our past and project what we'd see in the future. I love those girls.

My reason to smile: God.

The Mummy

I know, I don't post for a few days, and I have two in a span of a few hours. Let me explain:

I work back to backs maybe once or twice a week. (Thats where I work 3-11 at night and I come back at 7am the next day.) Well I have been sick and last night was my first of two back to backs this week. I decided to take some medicine to help me sleep and I took Sudafed since I was out of Nyquil. Being stupid I read the box afterwards and it said "non-drowsy". Great. I won't be able to sleep. Well I decided to take one of my muscle relaxers after checking to make sure it was okay to mix the two. They usually knock me out in no time. Well I started to get drowsy and went to lay in bed. After my nightly prayers, which usually make me pretty sleepy as well, my mind was still awake. This trend lasted until I got up this morning. My body was heavy and comfortable but my mind was racing. I thought about the most random things!! Here's an example:

1. When I was going to get my car fixed.
2. What bills I had to pay.
3. My resume (yes, I started writing it in my head)
4. I was playing Spider Solitare in my head.
5. Singing, "Somethings Gotta Give" by Leann Rhymes
6. Actually thinking when I have to start school, and arranging 6 more credit hours before then.
7. My future family. (tried picturing my house and kids...)
8. Sheep. Didn't work.
9. Flowers...don't know why..

I am now at work, still feeling the effects of the 12 hour Sudafed....I know it's my birthday and all but all I want to go home and do is either sleep or clean. How lame am I.

My new addiction

As most of you know, well you do if you read my blog....work is kind of slow during this time of year. Okay, I lied it seems to always be slow during the days. We try to create projects or other things to keep us busy, but none seem to do so and make the day fly by. Well I am going to admit, I found a new addiction. Spider Solitare. I have played it before but lately it intrigues me. I am challenged by the two suit twist on regular solitare. At first I just started a few rounds by doing one suit and it was too easy. So I chose the two suited game and let me just tell you I don't think there is a trick to figuring this one out. It's so challenging which makes you want to start a new game whether you are able to complete it or not. So if anyone is looking for something to pass the time, try Spider Solitare and it'll rope you in. I swear.

Brain fart from life..

So there has been so much going on in the past month that I have taken a sebatical from life it seems. I just have become a hermit. 3 major items.

1. Truck for sale. Talk about a lousy buy. It however has gotten me from A to B for the past year, but also has lead me to broke. I finally had my first car issue the past few weeks. My right rear wheel bearing has seen it's last day. I've gotten two estimates with an average somewhere between $450-$600. Holy cow! So I got a name of an independent mechanic who does work for cheap cash. I know, I should have thought something was fishy when I dropped it off and there was no business name on the garage. But hey, he was going to charge me $60.00 in labor and I bought the replacement kit at some parts store. After 5 hours went by and I still hadn't gotten a call saying it was ready, I called him, told him to just put things back the way they were and I was going to take my truck back, broken and all. Unless anyone has any mechanic friends that will change the wheel bearings on my 2002 Ford Explorer, I'm sucking it up and making an appointment at the Ford dealership...

2. I graduate college in 5 months. CRAP! I have come to the realization that I will be soon joining the work force...but my problem is, I have never had to really apply for a job. I don't have a resume, although on paper my work ethic looks stellar. Jobs have always just fallen in my lap before. I am not so sure I am feeling called to be in Youth Ministry anymore. But then again I think I've been ignoring God so we'll see if it comes back since I've realized the error of my ways. Anyone know of any jobs, no insurance claims (Sorry Justin.) I'm great at working with people, typing, selling....pretty much anything I put my mind to. I'm fun, well if you are reading this you probably know that anyway ;o)

3. I've been ignorant to what God has been telling me. Not anymore. Lately in my heart I've been feeling battle. I have been accepting of things that aren't typical and that go against what I know I need. I can't do that anymore and nothing is as important to me as following my God who died for me. I've come to the realization that I can still be a 'cool Christian' but I can't let my actions lead me from my beliefs. I want to feel God smile. And if thats losing people in my life I know God has his plan. Although I am not ready to throw in the towel I'm taking my own direction, if other's follow...then so be it.

Thats my fart in a nutshell. (That sounds sooooo disgusting but I'm delerious from boredom at work!!!!!)

My reason to smile: I will be the ripe old age of 22 on Monday....and I for once don't have any expectations. I love it.