I have been asked the same question over and over from my friends that I haven't seen in a while, "Where have you been?" I mean, how am I supposed to answer that question? "Well, the Lord has been doing a lot of work in my heart.." I don't think so.
I decided to spend some time with wonderful people that were a part of my life for a while before God got a hold of my heart. As I sit here after coming home and I am filled with the udder most joy. I am so grateful that God has saved my heart. The worries, the drama, the temporary fixes for all of the void we fill do not interest me anymore.
I found out some pretty tough news tonight. News that months before would have lead me into oblivion. It was like God was holding me the entire time tonight; not letting me slip into old habits to take care of the sting. It lead me to think..
Where would I be if I hadn't given my life to Christ? I had half-assed dabbled in the faith for years before. Meaning I'd go to church on Sunday and have great Christian friends. Not truly believing God was what I needed.
I know that I will always love these people for the comfort they gave me before, but I can not even imagine where my life would be if I did not make the tough decision to leave what I was comfortable with and follow the Lord.
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Sunday, June 07, 2009
Where does my help come from...
Have you ever had those weeks where it seems as though everything is falling apart? That no matter what area of your life you have felt the most stability an earthquake hits and you are utterly shaken? That all of the plates of life you've been spinning well for months have all fallen. That was my week.
I was frustrated with God that He could let everything happen. That I have been walking the line of faith for once in my life continuously and yet I was still in the middle of this mess of life. Why can I never get a break in life? Why do I always have to be fighting for one thing or another? I felt like my family life was a mess, that my job wasn't the place I needed to be, and that I wasn't a good enough person for guys to pursue, the list goes on and on. Being a 'faithful servant' I turned to God asking the one question that will leave me more frustrated then before, "Why?"
That's the problem. We want to know the answer to the infamous question and when we don't get the immediate satisfaction we start to get frustrated with God. Our pride and self righteousness grows each day that the answer never comes. Satan uses the unknown as a wedge between us and the only person who can guide us. I claim to be surrendering everything to God, yet my cries at night are empty frustrations that I don't have the answers to my questions. I have let myself slip into the way I live daily instead of living for Him.
If we live with God's work and kingdom in mind, the questions we have in life do not hold a candle to the real issues at hand. I need to work with a joyful heart, doing what's asked of me and God will lead me to the right people to recruit. I need to love others unconditionally and I will not have hate in my heart when people do not live up to the standards I hold them to. I need to be grateful and a good steward of all of the blessings I have in life and will not be yearning for the things of this world. I need to give my heart to God before he will lead the man He has for me into my life instead of holding my heart out to anyone that passes by. I need to die to myself and live for Him and the "Why" will be unveiled. My help needs to come from God and only God. Not myself.
I was frustrated with God that He could let everything happen. That I have been walking the line of faith for once in my life continuously and yet I was still in the middle of this mess of life. Why can I never get a break in life? Why do I always have to be fighting for one thing or another? I felt like my family life was a mess, that my job wasn't the place I needed to be, and that I wasn't a good enough person for guys to pursue, the list goes on and on. Being a 'faithful servant' I turned to God asking the one question that will leave me more frustrated then before, "Why?"
That's the problem. We want to know the answer to the infamous question and when we don't get the immediate satisfaction we start to get frustrated with God. Our pride and self righteousness grows each day that the answer never comes. Satan uses the unknown as a wedge between us and the only person who can guide us. I claim to be surrendering everything to God, yet my cries at night are empty frustrations that I don't have the answers to my questions. I have let myself slip into the way I live daily instead of living for Him.
If we live with God's work and kingdom in mind, the questions we have in life do not hold a candle to the real issues at hand. I need to work with a joyful heart, doing what's asked of me and God will lead me to the right people to recruit. I need to love others unconditionally and I will not have hate in my heart when people do not live up to the standards I hold them to. I need to be grateful and a good steward of all of the blessings I have in life and will not be yearning for the things of this world. I need to give my heart to God before he will lead the man He has for me into my life instead of holding my heart out to anyone that passes by. I need to die to myself and live for Him and the "Why" will be unveiled. My help needs to come from God and only God. Not myself.
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