Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Traveling Showers

One of my favorite things is when I go out of town and I shower as a guest. I enjoy observing the shampoo/conditioner choices that one would make as well as the various body washes in the showers. I get in a routine when I'm at the grocery store buying the same facewash, soap, etc. I like the opportunity to try new things and I feel cleaner when I shower in someone else's shower.

As strange as this guilty pleasure is, I relate it to the fact that we go through life envious of what other people have. Showering in someone else's shower allows us to have a taste of what they have in life, even if it's just their fragrance of Dove :)

Friday, October 23, 2009

Alive

Where/When do you feel most alive?

I think we've all been stuck waking up, going to work, coming home, and the next day doing the same thing. Yet there are people who wake up and they never feel as though they've worked a day in their life. How are we supposed to switch gears to from the one to the latter?

I gave a presentation to local businesses on how to utilize social media in their own businesses to build awareness and connect to others. I walked away feeling alive. Like if I had to do that everyday I don't think I'd feel like I'd be 'working'. I love helping people. Showing and teaching them how to better their businesses. Feeling a sense of accomplishment.

Only if I could do that everyday. Hmmmm.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Plans

Whenever anyone asks how things are going the easiest replies are typically 'Good' and 'Busy'. I like to use the word busy because it gives me an excuse if I drop the ball on a phone call or event that I didn't go to. But I was thinking about my schedule and I honestly am "busy".

Every weekend from now until November, and I think that month I have two weekends open I have plans. But if I am honest with myself if something better came up I'd change those plans. So how busy is 'busy'. :)

Disclaimer: I like things in my schedule that I want to do, it helps the week go by fast. So I can imagine the month of October will FLY by!

Monday, October 12, 2009

The Boiling Point

There used to be a show on MTV called “The Boiling Point”. The purpose was to see how long an unsuspecting person could keep their cool while having one thing after another go wrong. Every minute they last under pressure is worth $1.00. I think we have these instances outside of television, but unfortunately neither we nor our unsuspecting victims get paid any money.

For me, last week was the culmination of mercury in my sanity thermometer. Every day brought on a new challenge and frustration and there wasn’t opportunity for resolution after every situation so it added up. Getting stopped at a ridiculous stoplight that has no rhyme or reason when you are running late to a meeting, you don’t feel relief what yelling at it to change. Approaching an awkward situation to resolve internal conflict, only to have it tabled and avoided, doesn’t give relief.

Unfortunately unless conflicts are handled correctly we get to a point where enough is enough. There’s going to be someone that gets the grunt of all of your anger because they are going to be the first person you can verbally tell how angry you are at whatever they have done to upset you. The disappointment can be just, but the person will be getting 100% of your emotions instead of the 10% they may deserve.

It’s a tough situation because you want to be able to be vulnerable with those in your life, but you also want to keep your dignity about you. Even though I feel like a huge weight has been lifting off of my shoulders by letting everything out, I still will feel bad for my Boiling Point victim.

It’s time to remind myself to take things one day at a time.

Friday, October 09, 2009

All in the same.

Unfortunately I have never been able to compartmentalize what's going on in my life. I deal with everything all at once. As humiliating as it is, I wear my heart on my sleeve and when life's good everyone knows it. The same thing happens when life is tough only I blog more to get the thoughts out of my head. My mom always told me that things usually happen in sets of three, especially death. I like the saying, "When it rains it pours". Here's my melting pot.

I am so angry that I never seem to be able to just 'be'. Why are things always such a battle? Give me contentment, give me peace, give me some sort of tangible happiness that covers all of my anger.

I hate how I push everyone away when life gets tough. It's my way of dealing with things because honestly if no one is around there is no chance that they will let you down. I'd rather deal with it alone. I hate how I've let myself get vulernable in a situation that's going no where. I am better than that. I deserve better than that.

I hate how I never feel appreciated in the workplace. I devote my heart into what I do, but when my talents are tested the value is not there anymore.

I am so angry that marriage doesn't hold the importance to people in my life that it should. Marriage is a choice to love someone when you don't feel like loving them sometimes. I worry I will be like them. Maybe I'll see marriage as a lifelong vow but my husband won't. Then there will be nothing I can do.

I am tired of fighting for everything. I look at people who seem to have all the blessings in the world. They aren't fighting financially. Give me security for once in my life.

Give me the desire to serve others when I really feel my world is a mess. That's the only way I can get through. You are the only way I can get through.

Psalm 13.

Thursday, October 08, 2009

No Expectations = No Letdowns

I have this theory that if you don't expect anything to happen either good or bad you won't be dissapointed in the end result. I have tried to convince myself that this is the way to go in life because then you don't have to come to the awful realization that the people you think so highly of will let you down. If you don't expect them to do things then when they don't there is no conflict.

Unfortunately I have realized that even if I voice outloud that I don't expect anything from anyone, in my heart of hearts I really do. I have hidden agendas or secret expectations. I have hope that the people in my life want to follow through or do things without me expecting them to. But truth be told I get let down when I don't feel like a priority, when plans change, or when things like that don't happen.

I give people the benefit of the doubt. I put trust in them even when they have not shown me they have earned it. I see the person they are meant to be instead of the person they are now.

I just don't think its possible anymore to live life with no expectations or without any letdowns.

Wednesday, October 07, 2009

Character Development

Do you ever take a bird’s eye view on what is going on in your life? Until recently I’ve allowed myself to be buried in the crap that is my life. Worrying about the random junk in life that takes away from the enjoyment of living every day. I started reading this book that discusses character development in a story. I’m not finished with the book yet so I’m sure there will be more posts about it as I continue. I’ve already got the wheels starting and it has helped me step out of the crap and see the bigger picture.

The author, Donald Miller, starts out talking about the idea of “Story”. In my own words it’s explained as character development, dealing with adversity, and character change/end result. I get frustrated when I don’t understand why things happen in my life. Why am I the only one that seems to be dealing with this situation or another? Why do I feel discontent in life? Why are my bills so ridiculously high? Why do I get frustrated when other people let me down? When I’m stuck in the mess and crap of life this is what I see.

Just like any other American I have dealt with my share of crap. But taking an author’s perspective on the story that is my life, the crap that goes on is developing me into the person I am meant to be. Instead of just seeing every bad situation or tragedy as a bad situation or tragedy I’m being challenged to look at it as a learning experience. What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger, and in the end I will be one strong as hell woman. I see my character being developed every day. When you look at it from this view, it feels a lot better to go through the stuff then when you are stuck in the middle of it.