Surrender

So I have noticed that since Justin and myself have gotten out of the boring jobs, we blog less. I think that means we must like our new jobs?

A lot has happened since my last post. I've been completely broken and have been trying to restore myself. I've been surrendering myself to God daily, and my week has been 'better.'

I've had a chance to look outside of the past month. When you take yourself out of the situation you realize the truth of what really went on. I kinda blogged about it before but it's becoming more apparent to me every day. When God blessed my life with a good new job, good boyfriend, and my last semester of college, and great friends, I concentrated on what I could make better. I took the good and ruined it all with my control. When I felt things weren't going my way I was a 'spaz'. I made my life and people I care about lives so stressful. Being pulled out of the situation I wish there were things I could do to change. I definately went through a time when I wasn't my typical self.

I try to pride myself on having a smile, balancing a lot of things, and just loving people. I turned from the people I love and made them not want to be around me. I felt I'd be better off alone. I prayed for brokeness. I now pray for answers. I have realized that no matter what I do in my life, I can't control it. God is the only one that can heal me. I wonder if things will ever go back to the way they were.