Every once in a while I like to take what I call a 'personal day'. Granted, as a student you don't really get those, but it was about time I took one. I have been thinking for a while that I need to check my heart on some issues. I went to my first class and then went to Starbucks to have some 'me time'.
Now without going into details I have been struggling with issues in regards to forgiveness. Not only with other people, but in my head I didn't deserve God's forgiveness for some things. I've been struggling with my spirituality, it's just been empty. Prayers seem heartless and it's as if I don't believe someone could love me unconditionally enough to forgive me time after time. So I'm sitting at Starbucks reading a book I've had for a while but never was interested in finishing. "It came from within" by Andy Stanley which talks about checking your heart. Well I know God was waiting for me at Starbucks today because who he brought there too. None other than Lonnie Whisker. What a better sign to deal with my struggle for forgiveness than to be face to face with someone who has definately needed forgiveness. Something (I believe it was God) told me to tell Lonnie the impact he had on my life the New Community service he spoke at in June regarding the gospel of Mark and storms in our life. I have never been able to recall such a service where my heart was in it and I felt he was talking to me. (I can remember it almost a year later.) So I told him.
Lonnie and I talked for almost an hour about a lot of different things and we both knew God had us there in the corner of Starbucks for a reason. We prayed and then I went on with my personal day. I was able to then spend an hour and a half with my biggest inspiration and her beautiful daughter. We talked about a lot of random stuff and when it was quite it was a comfortable silence....I know you read this Summer..I hope you know how much I appreciate you and your turkey sandwhiches.
The day continued. When I got home I opened the curtains, did laundry and went to work out. I joined Gold's today. I've noticed a difference in my attitude since I started working out, and I know I can't afford it...but for me, I'd rather be healthy inside and out then buy a new shirt or shoes.
I sit here, just getting home from dinner with Tim and I for the first time in weeks feel in control, and I know that I have none. Tonight I am okay with that. I think I should take personal days more often! (Sorry this was sooo long!)
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