Okay, I admit it. I am a control freak. I never really realized it until yesterday. But now that the thought crossed my mind I am seeing all sorts of signs. For instance, I always drive. In the special occasion that I don't, I am a backseat driver. I get nervous when riding with others, and the person could actually be the safest driver out there, but if I'm not behind the wheel its rough. (I will say that the more I ride with someone the safer I feel.) CONTROL ISSUE #1.
As most of you may know I am a very take charge kind of girl. Things don't necessarily have to be done my way, but if they are I am most likely to be satisfied with the results. Wow I just reread that statement and considered deleting it due to the extremely selfish tone of it. But for the sake of the blog, I will leave it. (Just a disclaimer, I am really not that selfish. I took a test last night in class that placed me under the 'accomadating' and 'compromising' categories for conflict.) I like the feeling of being able to complete a task. CONTROL ISSUE #2.
I could keep going and probably wouldn't have to dig very far with all of my control issues, trust me there are way more than just two. But thats not the point...
Yesterday I felt helpless. I had no control. My mood affected everything I did. I blame it solely on my medicine, but the biggest struggle I had was not being able to change how I felt. The day started out beautifully. The weather was amazing, I had two out of 5 classes cancelled and there was really nothing bogging me down. I skipped half of my class so I could sit outside and study for my test...(don't judge me for attending 45 minutes total of the last 3 Crime and Society classes I've had) I was able to go for a walk with my mom during the day... My day should have been perfect. But as most of you are used to seeing me, I wasn't smiley and bubbly, I kept to myself and at certain points of the day just wanted to be alone. I prayed, listened to happy music, tried talking to friends but nothing I did helped. I analyzed everything and never came up positive.
I know that everything happens for a reason, and I have full faith that God is giving me the strength I need for my health...but I started to think yesterday that maybe this is my sign to give up control. I do hold on to certain things tightly and maybe its time to just give it all up. Hmmmmm....
Reason to smile: The David Crowder & Third Day concert is tomorrow!!!
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I once saw a bumper sticker that read "Jesus is my Co-pilot." cute. But that means that the driver has demoted God to be a passenger on the road of life.
I'd rather be riding shotgun with Him at the wheel. That way I know we'll reach our destination without going off course.
I'm not saying their won't be flat tires, engine stalls, etc. along the way. But Jesus is a great mechanic!
Put him in control and enjoy the ride!
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