I could use a little slow down..

It has come to my attention that tonight (Sunday) is the first night where I have stayed home since I moved in (May 25th). Crazy thought, huh? Whether its work or hanging out with friends I have always had something going on.
My schedule has been pretty hectic the past few weeks, and any chance I get I want to be outside. Well....the sun took a toll on me today. I went to Splashdown today since it has been the first nice day off I've had in a while, and as soon as I got home I crashed. I showered and went back to laying in my bed. I miss being able to just stay home at night and pop in a movie.

I had the opportunity to look at my life, the people in my life and it's like I feel rejunivated. I know what I need to do now. I could have used this night a long time ago!!!

POG to you!

Growing Pains part deux

Everyone needs a little humility in their life, right? Here's the 'awkward stage' picture I wanted to post in my Growing Pains blog 8th grade baby, gotta love it. The second picture was taken my freshman year of highschool.

My plate.

Growing up I used to love buffetts. You could go up as much as you want and eat whatever you choose. The best part about this is that everytime you go up to the buffett, you get a new plate and a waitress takes the old one away. I wish I could get a new plate in my life right now. I feel as though my life keeps adding stuff ontop and I don't know where anymore will fit.

I got my third treatment today. I have noticed a pattern that the day of the shot, I get extremely sleepy! (Maybe it's just because I get them in the morning...but who knows.) 3 down, 3 to go!!

The past few days have been especially hard. I'm not exactly sure where I'm supposed to be in my life and as soon as I feel confident in my direction, I seem to lose my footing and fall. One of my biggest struggles is minding my own business. I have a hard time letting things happen without saying a word, especially concerning people I care about. I turn everything over to God and have faith, but its so frustrating seeing no results. I want so badly to make everything okay, but I can't.

Tonight at work was possibly the worst night I have ever had..no joke. For starters the girl who was supposed to come in at 5 NEVER SHOWED UP. We have been extremely busy due to the girls softball world series, tonight we were sold out as well. So not only did we have 100or so teenagers running all over the place, that was just the beginning. The phones were ringing off the hook, people were checking-in in groups, there were no clean towels, girls running and screaming all over the place, people needing directions, remotes not working, people needing more blankets (ITS JULY!), people wanting towels, garbage all over the place, people making ridiculous requests, a fight breaking out between teams......and I was ALL ALONE! The night was packed full of problems and it crawled by.

So my friend Ryan had a gift from God. An answered financial prayer. It's so great to know that he has that burden off of his shoulders. My question to God is WHEN DO I GET THAT BREAK! I bust my butt working, just like a lot of other people, and I can never seem to get ahead financially. Talk about frustrating! It's now 1:30. I have finished an 8 hour shift, I go back to the hotel at 7 to work until 3. My regular shift at Kellehers starts at 5 and I could be staying there until 2am. Thats not it folks I am back at the hotel at 7am on Saturday to work until 3. You think with all this work my mind wouldn't be so clustered...I WISH. ARG it's going to be a rough one!


POG to you...hopefully one day I'll get it back too. (whenever someone stops at my table to pick up my plate)

To love or not to love

I was thinking about this a while back..but decided to blog about it now. My tastes, preferences, likes and dislikes have changed so much in the past year...
(in no order)
I now love: to love, music, being outside (beach is my #1), God, Young Life, my YL girls, kissing, to cuddle, my family, my friends, good hugs, motorcycles, laughing, playing tennis, vegatables, cheese, BABIES!!, reading, tattoos, watching movies, sleeping, getting my hair done, the smell of clean sheets/clothes, days off of work, having good conversation, Castaway, sunsets (especially at Castaway), shopping, concerts, having money, cooking, spending money on others, playing games, driving, vacations, thunderstorms...

The list of things I do not love involve a lot of my personal traits. (With an exception of spiders) Isn't it so easy to be your own worst critic? I analyze myself and could give you a list of hundreds of negative things that cross my mind. Sometimes I wish it was just as easy now as it was before the Fall. These things are more evident (spelling) to me now then ever!! I just hope I can work on accepting them in addition to changing them.

So on a different note I was reading GLAMOUR magazine at work tonight and I read part of an article regarding 12 men and what they are really thinking. One struck me and I wanted to share it with you all. Coming from professional surfer and father, Laird Hamilton, he wishes all women would have learned these three things growing up.
"1. Your love is precious, don't give it to someone undeserving.
2. You can't rescue a man, he has to be happy on his own before you can be happy together.
3. You are not Cinderella so don't think you need a man to rescue you."

I thought that was really energizing and uplifting. (It's from a chick magazine, guys just let it ride.)

POG to you!

Growing pains..

Great show but horrible truth. The past few weeks I have been thinking about my life. I don't know if it's this way for anyone else, but growing up has definately had its pains. Besides the awkward growing up stage (I attempted to put a picture of me in my awkward stage but it isn't on my computer anymore..maybe some other post) I think this stage I'm at now could be what kills me or makes me grow.

See I am at the second awkward stage in life. Not the braces, bad hair, and drama..but the important life decisions and the "do I party like a rockstar or want to settle down" type of debate. I have been forced to grow up at a very young age, and because of that I am who I am today. I have had a consistant job since I was fourteen and have stayed pretty much financially independant since. (My parents help with the big stuff like school and doctor bills...thank goodness!) But while all of my friends were out having fun, I was stuck working. I see it now because I know the value of a dollar and I hardly take things for granted. Starting in highschool I hung out with an older crowd, and still do. My friends and I found we had a lot in common with the older people and we just kind of clicked.

Thats all well and good except at my age, the older crowd is seriously dating or married. So when I hang out with my older friends I feel as though I should be doing that same thing. But when I hang out with the people my age or my young life kids I find myself not thinking about that type of thing. The hard part about it is when I mention something to people my age about moving on in life and settling down I get the same response, "Your SOOOO young". So I guess my question is when is it ever a right time? How OLD do you have to be to move on?

That was just the question on my mind today...I'm off to work my last leg of a triple, only 9 hours of work left (plus a little sleep) until I go to Chicago for the weekend!!!


POG to you!!!

My Hambone.

After a long day of work...I needed a smile. This is my nephew Alex. He is 2 and will be 3 in August. He's such a goofball. Hope this makes you all smile.

Pickin my brain.. (aka bored at work)

I feel like it has been awhile since I blogged, everytime I have the opportunity I am just too darn tired from work. I have been working for 5 straight days but I'm pumped that I have two days off!!! Here is a little update:

I'm still feeling great. God has definately been working in my heart. Something I have noticed is when I am good with God, I actually am good with other people. I find myself praying for the people who cut me off, not getting lippy with customers who think that they are better than me, and just having a glow about me. Lets hope this continues through next week when I get my 3rd treatment.

On Saturday night I was able to have dinner with a good friend of mine, and it was something I desparately needed. She and I talked a lot about the things we struggle with, and talking about it actually made me realize other things as well. Love is something I have been struggling with lately. The past few days I have been okay with where I am in my life but there seems to be something missing. I am the type of person who loves to love. I am working on my patience and ability to love everyone (including those I normally wouldn't.) But within the past few months I have acquired this desire to unconditionally love someone. It's weird because that typically isn't my path. My goal is to continue this desire all while being patient for God's plan to reveal itself. When he's ready, I'll be ready.

So my girlfriends (I think guys will be added this week) and I have started a weekly event called "Martini Monday". We go down to Martini's on the riverfront and sit and enjoy the acoustic music. I am looking forward to it!

Only one more hour and then I'm off of work for two days!!! POG to ya'll!

Guess who's back..back again..

It's 2:00am. I got off of an 7 1/2 hour shift at Kellehers, and I have to work at the hotel in 5 hours. I can't sleep. I have had such a great day and I need to blog about it. You all might read this and think I won the lottery today..nope..I've just finally felt like my old self again.

The past 8 months have been really rough on me. Medicines and surgery have rocked my world and turned me into a monster. Today, and I don't know what it was that did it, but I have had a glimpse of my old life. Lately I've been getting in funks. I realize that I am in them, but nothing I do can get me out of them. So I sleep through them. (One day I slept until 4pm.) I am positive its the hormones, and stupid people! ;o)

I have passed today with flying colors. I went over to visit Summer and the baby and had a great conversation with her about love. Not just human love, but actually feeling God's love. I am really good at loving others, but not so good at recieving other's love. I hadn't felt God's love in a long time and it wasn't until my drive home it hit. I felt it again! I went to work and it was amazing. Certain situations I didn't think I'd be okay in I was! (just one example: a customer left me $1.00 on a $34.00 tab, I figured he needed it more than I did)

I hope this never leaves me again!! (I'm kinda scared to go to sleep!! haha) POG TO YOU!!

James is the MAN!

So only my campaigner girls will understand the title of this blog. We recently read through the book of James and let me tell you what perfect timing. Lately I've been struggling with feeling some not-so-Christian things. There were a few points in the book that really got me thinking.

James 1:2-3
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance."

Now I don't know about you, but when I go through trials I am NOT joyed. I am pretty preturbed that its YET another thing I have to go through. But what I have realized in the past few weeks is lately when I am tried I turn to God and I know I have grown because of it. Granted, I still get frustrated but I'm working on it!

James 1:19-20
"Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires."

Oh come on folks, if anyone knows me they will know that this is something I do not do. (Especially while driving, I'm road rages #1 client) But lately I've hated that about myself. Why can't I just let things roll off my chest like other people. Through my life I've gotten really good at dealing with things if I am given them to deal with. But if thats not the case I can't even explain what happens inside of me. Another thing to add to the "TO DO" list.

Along those same lines.. Someone can be built up as easily as being torn down.
James 3: 5
"Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body that makes great boasts."

James 4: 7-10
"Submit yourselves, then, to God. resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn, and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up."

James 5:20
"Whoever turns a sinner from the error of his way will save him from death and cover over a multitude of sins."

That should be inspiration to anyone who is a Christian.


I'm done. That is why James is the Man!! POG to ya'll!

Turn the Page..

I'm not talking about the wonderful classic by Bob Seger, this has been my life for the past few weeks. I have not only been diving in deep to a few books. I was cleaning and rearranging all the boxes full of stuff since I moved into my mother's house a few days ago and I found my first Christian book I read. "Redeeming Love" by Francine Rivers.

The novel is based on the bible book of Hosea. Of course "Redeeming Love" has more of a fabricated love story, but it really made me think of my loves. In the book God tells this man named Michael Hosea to fall in love with a prostitute. He finds her and pays all the money to just talk to her and tells Angel (the women) that God told him to marry her. Of course she's hesitant to give up her lifestyle because she's comfortable where she is now. Angel is using prostituton because that was how she was raised and she doesn't think a man could really ever love her with REAL love. After living with Michael for a bit she feels very guilty as if she doesn't deserve to feel this way so she runs back to prostitution. God still is telling Michael he needs to be with this women and frustrated he goes back to the city to find Angel and bring her home. This happens a few times and each time they spend on the farm together the closer they grow. A love grows and the final time that Michael goes to fetch Angel he catches her in the act. Imagine watching the women you love be with someone else. Granted, this novel was turned 'trashy' to entice the reader but I think it shows us a lot that we should learn about love.

If we had that compassion that Michael Hosea had our world would definately be a better place. Our friends, family, significant others may do things that we may not necessarily agree with but if we have compassion to care for them regardless then I think everyone would be a LOT happier! Thats one thing I am trying to work on in my life. Opening my heart and having the initial grace to others that God has given me.

I hope everyone has the POG tonight!

A Storybook Ending....

Tonight before Nexus I really wasn't feeling myself. Maybe a little tired, just not right. All during the service I felt as though God was tugging at my heart about something. Kind of like anxiety but I wasn't worried about anything. It suddenly hit me and I realized what was bothering me. I have hate in my heart.

It takes a lot for me to judge other people to the point of making a 'feeling' about them. I generally give everyone the benefit of the doubt and remind myself we are all equals with different personalities. What kills me is having the feeling of a heavy heart and having nothing be able to fix it. I pray about it, and for the subject of my negativity, but I haven't been able to shake it. I've been reading this book by Donald Miller and also the book of James and they both have been speaking right to me. I find myself struggling with negative feelings toward something but yet I say I'm a Christian? Christians are supposed to love everyone as Jesus did. Thats what was causing me to reflect tonight. (and plus Charlie was talking about the difference between good intentions and actually following through). Of course I want to let this weight on my heart go...but I find myself holding on by a string.

After Nexus a group of us went and ate the amazing pizza at Aggatucci's. I haven't had it in months and it really hit the spot! Of course with a group its always hard to come up with a plan for the evening. I decided we should all go downtown on the riverfront. What a great idea that was! The weather was beautiful, there was a band playing at the center stage and we all just walked along the docks on the river. It was so peaceful and beautiful anybody could have enjoyed it! After awhile 6 of us took a carriage ride around downtown. (Perfect date someday...hint hint) It gave us a chance to realize places we've never seen before. We hung out for a bit more, had some helpful conversation and then decided to head our own ways.

All through this wonderful night I still had a little bit of reservation. Being with these wonderful people helped me forget it a bit. It wasn't until the bike ride back to my car that I felt relief. We had to ride all across town (so we took the back roads) and it was my time to let go. The wind blowing in my hair, the songs I was singing, and my arms stretched out wide.....exactly what I needed. I know I need to work on my heart, but tonight was perfect in my book. I hope my good intentions will actually turn into good actions. ;o)

POG to you!!

The best July 3rd EVER!

As I write this, I'm laying in bed not wanting to go to sleep because the day will end. I don't want it to end but I am sooo tired! The first great news is tht Kevin and Summer have a beautiful baby girl! Lyza Gray Sletten was born at 7:39 this morning weighing in at 9lbs and a shrimpy 19 inches long. What a doll baby!! I got the pleasure of spending a few hours at the hospital watching the glowing parents and holding the bundle of joy. What a way to start out the day!

After a nap I headed out to Morton. The group of my friends and I went out to the Rinkenbergers (sp) farm to have a pre-4th of July cookout. Their land is beautiful! We hung out with the horses (one of which bit me in the butt-kinda hurt), went swimming in the lake, rope swung into the water, and took a few laps in the pool. It was just an amazing time and while we were all on the lake at night they set off fireworks.

As I was looking up at the sky tonight I really felt God in my heart. I have been blessed with great friends and I am excited to wait and see what else is to come!!

POG to you!

If you want to hear God laugh...

tell Him your plans. This line sums up my past two weeks. It seems as though everything I thought was going on, wasn't. What I had hoped wasn't, really was. All while living my life in naievity. (Ben I don't have spell check on here....I need you)

I think sudden changes of plans are God's way of keeping us on our toes. When we get comfortable we hardly look to him. In most situations it is when an disruption of comfort comes along that we are on our knees. Well let me just tell you thats been me.

One of the things I value most in my life are my friendships. It doesn't matter what mood you are in, your friends are the ones to share it with you or pull you out. I think a true friend is one who helps keep you accountable, and is the one to tell you the things you really need to hear. The closest ones know everything about you and could probably tell you more about what is good for you then you can tell yourself. In any situation I would bend over backwards for a friend but sometimes you just have to let them go.

We all have ideas of what we want in life. Significant others, houses, family, jobs, rings, and what not. I have learned that if you want something to happen....wait for it. God's timing is always perfect.

POG to you.