Worthy

It's ironic how messages seem so relevant to your life. Going into Sunday I was feeling as if God had really been blessing my life through my disciplines, my studies, and the peace I felt ending my week. The message at church on Sunday was about revealing to ourselves and others where we are really at. Finding that truth to determine if we would be able to praise God no matter what storms were brought our way.

That got me thinking as I drove to Bloomington after church. As clear as I felt my vision and direction were this past week, it was muddied as soon as I started thinking about where I really was. The vulnerability I was allowing was an opportunity for an attack to knock down everything that was built inside my heart the past week and to question almost everything. I doubted friendships that have always been true, I looked into innocent actions that were meant to be nothing more, and what I was about to walk into would rock my world for the rest of my life.

It was no where near the same devastation that others have experienced this past week in Haiti, but to me I felt my own personal earthquake. My foundations of family and friends were shaken and some knocked down. To make matters worse, my paranoid thoughts turned into actions and may have sacrificed the strength of those shaken friendship foundations.

Through the pain, through the confusion, and through the brokenness, I kept telling God that He was worthy. I didn't have much feeling behind it, but through the emotional exhaustion I KNEW those words were true. Somehow I know when the aide comes and the houses of friendship and family are rebuilt, He will give me the feeling of peace to go along with my words of believing He is worthy of it all.