Leap of Faith..

I've been really wrestling with something God has weighed on my heart. Some of you may remember a vague blog post a few posts back, well it's the same situation.

I feel led to make a change in my life, a huge change. God has and is shaping my heart for change. With so much confusion I have yet to make a decision. There are obvious 'things' in my life that cause huge concern. The words came out of my mouth yesterday, "I'm standing at the edge and I'm ready to jump, just waiting for God to tell me north, south, east, or west."

Is that really a leap of faith?

Last night at Northwoods (Charlie this is kudos to you)was a sermon I definitely needed to hear.

-> Following obediently means following God knowing He's with you everystep of the way.
-> God has done it before, He can do it again.
-> We need to play all-in when it comes to God's will
-> We shouldn't just sit on the bank and let God clear the way before we head into the unknown.
-> Sometime God waits for us to take that leap before opening doors.


HMMMMM.....Should I jump?

On 10.

Today I came to a horrible realization that was definately 'blogworthy'. Every Wednesday Summer Molly and I go to Richwoods for lunch to hang out with our Young Life friends. It does give a sense of comfortability seeing friendly faces of teachers & administration. But today I had a horrible realization of how old I really was.

In the terazzo there was a bake sale today. My friend Kelsey told me that on the announcements this morning the bake sale was supposed to be 'on ten'. This didn't seem right to me. So I said, "On 10 tables? Wow they were way off, it's only on 1." BUT supposedly 'On 10' is a new slang phrase for "The Bomb" or "The S***".

I try to pride myself of being hip or up to date on things. This was the first time in my life my age showed. Wow.

A light in this world...

Sometimes there are things I just don't understand. As the weather has been getting colder and the sky getting darker, it seems as though gloom is all around me. I ache for my friends.

Coming in to work this morning I got some awful news. A girlfriend of a radio personality was in a car accident, she's in the hospital awaiting surgery but her brother passed away. This is the second loss she has experienced within a year; her father passed away in March.

Last week my friend's grandfather passed away, and I have heard of many relationships breaking up. With all of this gloom, to be a light in this world is a constant effort. I don't have reasons, but because I'm a Christian people ask me, "see why does this happen.." and I feel like I should know.

My heart goes out to all who ache. I pray that my faith will give comfort to others.

Thanksgiving Holiday..

A few points from my Thanksgiving Break...

1. Do NOT try to golf when it 30 degrees and windy.
2. Family football is a good idea until the day after and you are so sore.
3. Driving when you have a lot on your mind can be a good thing. (except when the only thing on the radio is Christmas music...)
4. Family can actually be a good thing when things aren't going so well.
5. God can still speak to my heart to realize I am blessed no matter what storms I am going through.



I have finally received peace that I have needed for a week. As hard as it is for something to end that didn't seem wrong, I know God is working in my heart. I will never waste my time on a relationship that was anything less then what I just experienced. God is turning me into a 'sally' and I think I'm okay with that. I just know God is doing wonderful things in my heart and one day bless my life with a man that deserves me and an amazing family.

Now, the storm I have to get through is everyday from 8am-5pm.

Pride

How long do you let your pride keep you from being volunerable. Always tired of the same mistakes, showing weakness. Never wanting anyone to see it and when they do you are embarrassed. Pushing people away.

This week I have turned over that leaf. I have been run down. I am on empty. It's time that I open my heart, spill what is left of it out. With this I hope to fill up with God's fresh love. Today I realized that it's okay to not be strong.

Lessons Learned

Thinking back on where I've been, God has gotten me through a lot. Each circumstance has brought a lesson in my life. As I search for answers to possible 'lessons' I'm supposed to learn in this set of storms, I've come up with a few possibilities.

1. God's unwavering grace. The positive people I'm surrounded with keep me reminded that God continually blesses me. I am no where near where I used to be when I was without Him. Times get tough, but my faith gets stronger.

2. I am a witness. With the recent changes in my life, I am a witness to those around me. Young Life kids, co-workers, etc, etc. The way I handle situations reflects God in my heart. I could potentially lead someone around me to see Christ in my thoughts, words, and actions.

3. I deserve a Christian relationship. Until Ryan I never felt that in my heart. I never believed that a Christian man could love me/care for me because of where I've been. Ryan's genuine Christian heart allowed me to open up about my past and rest assured that I was a new person in Christ. If anything, I can walk away knowing that I can be respected.

4. Patience rested in faith.

5. The power of prayer is huge. I will do nothing in my day but pray. Prayer for praise, prayer for restoration, prayer for peace, and prayer for softening of hearts. Prayer is huge and I feel this is my only way to be vulnerable and raw with God. ...ask and you shall receieve, knock and He will answer....

My storms are not yet over. After much surrender, I know God is with me. I will not be sure of what God is trying to teach me right now, until these storms pass. My heart will be shaped and molded into what God desires, but until that day when the ache of change is gone, I will praise my God for every day of deliverance.

My storms

It seems that when I feel the closest to God, Satan attacks, at everything I have. My favorite song depicts what I have to do, what I need to believe, and where I need to humble myself to my God. My prayer request is for peace. Peace in my relationships, finances, and job, because right now it's all up in the air.

"Praise you in this Storm" by Casting Crowns
I was sure by now God you would have reached down
and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
that it's still raining
as the thunder rolls
I barely hear your whisper through the rain,
I'm with you
and as your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away.

Chorus:
And i'll praise you in this storm
and i will lift my hands
that you are who you are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
you hold in your hand
you never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise you in this storm

I remember when I stumbled in the wind
you heard my cry you raised me up again
my strength is almost gone how can I carry on
if I can't find you
and as the thunder rolls
I barely hear you whisper through the rain
I'm with you
and as your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away

I lift my eyes unto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth
I lift my eyes unto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth

Have you ever felt cheated?

Imagine being afraid of flying. Through God's grace you met a pilot. You had the desire to fly, so you decided it best to educate yourself to make it easier. You built a friendship with the pilot, learned about the plane, read books, sought advice, when the time comes you are ready to fly. The pilot cancels the trip. Imagine what that feels like in your heart.

I feel that now.

My work day...

These are the things we watch at work...in addition to facebook, blogs, myspace...can you tell I'm really 'into' my job?

PS: If you think it's dumb, keep watching.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q5im0Ssyyus

For Sale

I know mostly my friends read this blog, and they already know...but my car is for sale.

It's a 2002 Ford Explorer XLT V8.
Tan leather interior/tan exterior
Sunroof
6 changer CD player
towing package
4 wheel drive
100k
$9,500

Let me know if you or anyone you know would be interested.

Fall Weekend

This past weekend I had the privilege of spending a weekend with high school kids and young life friends. It was definitely a challenging experience but God spoke to me throughout this weekend.

For certain reasons I have to be indirect on this subject. I feel very lead to make a change in my life, and I pray that God continues to open doors for me. It's one of those times in life where I have told God, lead me and I will follow. I received peace hearing God tell me that He would take care of me in my worries about the situation.

I just am grateful that God speaks to me and for once in my life I hear Him clearly.

It's about time..

I've been post-poning this blog post until I felt I could openly tell you all the truth. I have a boyfriend.

I know, try to contain yourselves. ;) It's something completely different for me to handle. And for all my friends who worried about me last time, Ryan IS a man of God. He challenged me spiritually from the first time we started talking. Our conversations cease to end, heck our 1st date was 4 1/2 hours long at Panera. We saw the lunch crowd, the emptyness, and then the dinner crowd.

For the first time in my life I don't question my relationship. Typically Satan puts ideas in my head, or negative thoughts, but Ryan does not confirm any of them. I love the time we spend together laughing and being stupid. He has a huge servant heart.

I am excited and praising God everyday. I don't deserve a guy like Ryan, but I will surely be diligent for my Lord who always provides.

My cross..My attack

One of the things that I have always struggled with (and I KNOW I'm not alone) is money. A friend said it best today, "I'm paying for the mistakes I made years ago." I know God is a faithful God, and He has ALWAYS provided. Especially to diligent and earnest servants. Things have been going really good in my life. I see Satan taking this opportunity to attack my cross that I bear regarding finances. I pray for the day that I worry no longer and that I am able to provide for others that lack.

The Gym Clique

Summer and I have been on a workout schedule for maybe 1-2 months? I don't exactly remember what triggered us to start our 6am workout, but despite some accidents and illness, we have stayed strong. Each morning my routine after my workout pretty much stays the same. In the locker room there is a group of women (clique) that must have known each other for years. They talk about family, relationships, TV, shopping...the typical female locker room stuff. Me being the social butterfly that I am, I get ready on the complete opposite side of the locker room and keep to myself. Today the locker room barrier was broken. We spoke.

Here I was, minding my own business getting ready to hop in the sauna when
Clique Member #1 asked me where I got my bandeau towel. Caught off guard I answered her, and a conversation struck up. (Mind you, only about towels- she uses the towel service at Golds)
Clique member #2 thanked me when I got her papertowel to dry her hands without her asking for it.
Clique Member #3 was surprised I noticed her hair color was darker and told me I was the only one who noticed when I complimented her on it.

I prayed God would work in my heart this morning when I woke up. I want to show people love and kindness. I broke the Locker room barrier. Maybe in another few months I will actually be able to get ready near them. :)