Christianity after college.

Since graduating I have had the wonderful opportunity to take three trips this summer. Throughout these times God has spoken to me and I believe has really changed and formed my heart. Here is a recap.

1. There were different times where I felt God moving into my heart asking for everything. I was reading this book called Time Bandits when I was consumed by my worries. A quote mentioning, "Concern yourself with what concerns Me, and I will take care of the things that worry you." I have been blessed by 2 out of the 3 worries have been taken care of. I know things will always not be this worry free but I am okay with believing God will take care of them when they arise.

2. I'm getting baptized. I believe this summer God has really weighed on my heart to start clean. To make a declaration of my surrender to Him. To make this even more meaningful, I am having not only my mentor but my friend baptize me. It will be a little different then the typical church ceremonies, I will be baptized at the Sletten's house by Summer.

3. I have found that I am completely in disgust by the life I used to live. The way people act as if their lives aren't important, and all they are out for is a good thrill made me feel sorry for them. I am so glad finally I have been delivered by what was a struggle of mine for years.

4. I laugh about it now, but I genuinely feel for people. A couple of weeks ago I saw someone weaping, and my heart ached for them. I cried at some stupid Mandy Moore movie because she was letting herself love another. I recieved a gift from someone and I cried like a baby. I have been praying for immense compassion and I have found it. I wasn't crying for any other reason then sympathy and celebration.

I recognize daily the gifts I have from God. I search biblical ways to handle situations. I use scripture as a focus for things I do. If I start to worry I am immediately reminded God will deliver me as long as I am faithful to Him. I know all of you Christians are thinking to yourself, "This is what it should have been like all along...duh" but I have come to the conclusion that being a Christian is easier for me after I graduated college.

Re-occuring theme..

The past few days I have had one reoccuring theme in my life. Storms. It's been beautiful weather, but I mean the life is out of control storm.

I'm sure that I've blogged about this particular verse before, but I can remember over a year ago listening to a pastor at New Community talk about Mark 4. In case you aren't familiar:
"That day when evening came, he said to his disciples, "Let us go over to the other side." Leaving the crowd behind, they took him along, just as he was, in the boat. There were also other boats with him. A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, "Teacher, don't you care if we drown?" He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, "Quiet! Be still!" Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.
He said to his disciples, "Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?"
They were terrified and asked each other, "Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey him!"

I think it's so important that we use this story as a reminder that we as believers should know God will take care of us even when we think things are over our heads.

Casting Crowns says it perfectly, "I will praise you in this storm." Amen!

God's path..

So the past few days I've been feeling God leading me to step out of my comfort zone and venture out in regards to my career. I've started working in the position where I feel He's leading me, but I started thinking, "What if it's my idea and not God's?" I have been praying about it constantly, and actually this epiphany came to what I believe is an answer to a prayer... so in that regards, where do I disconnect my desires with God's leading?

"Personal Day"

Yesterday was an amazing day for realizations. I don't want people to be under the impression that I was sad or depressed, that simply wasn't the case. I needed to take some time to myself to re-evaluate what I had going on in my life, and God showed up to help.

It was such a great day to do whatever I wanted. It has been a long time since I have been able to take a day for myself. I needed a fresh start. I moved some stuff around in my room and deep cleaned what hasn't been reachable since I moved in. I recommed every one take a day like that to 'get your heart right'.

Today has been an amazing reflection of the time I spent yesterday. My heart is at peace even with the stresses of the world, but I am confident that God will get me through like He always has. I read a quote last night in a book I was given about "Time Bandits". It said, Worry about how you can live for God and He will take care of the things that worry you. (not a direct quote, but you get the jist)

That's exactly what I need to do.

On bended knee...

The past week has been filled with rough but necessary realization. While I was traveling to California my spiritual relationship was in full blossom. I have never felt as close to God outside of a retreat then I did while I was there. I believe I was growing in ways I needed in order to fully dedicate my heart to God and surrender my life to Him. When I got back home, it's been nothing but challenges.

After church this morning, it took all I had not to break down into tears. I'm not depressed and playing my own violin's of sorrows, I'm explaining God's works and I need to be brutally honest even if it does cause me embarrassment. I was standing in the hallway with some of the most humanly influential people in my life. These including the people who introduced me to Christ, and also the people who inspire me to be more Christlike everyday. I stepped out to walk to my car and my heart was bursting. My whole way home I was putting together pieces of the challenges I have faced the past week and was uncontrollably broken.

Last week I had visions of what I was really facing in my life. Today, put it together. I have desires of surrendering myself to Christ, fully. That is something I don't believe I have ever done, but in times like these I have to, God is really all I have here. My job produces nothing but anxiety and frustration. I dread going into work because I get sucked into the gossip and anger everyday. My finances are literally causing me to consider a second job which would sacrifice my sanity and lack of 'me' time I already miss. My phone constantly rings by people in which I owe money to and every time it causes me to cringe because I would give anything to just be able to pay them and not worry about it anymore. I see everyone around me moving into that next phase of life and it creates such a desire in my heart. There is not even a lead to that part in my future. (Disclaimer: this just adds to the list, and is actually the least of my worries) The things I valued are broken. I dropped my brand new phone and shattered the screen, no insurance. My camera in which I enjoy broke the second day I was in California. My friends (including myself) are all so busy starting our lives that we don't really have time for each other.

All of this has caused me to really evaluate what I have in life. I have come to realize that when it seems you have nothing it makes you realize the one thing that you will always have; unfortunately it takes your whole life falling apart in order to realize that.

I know it's been awhile. A lot has gone on in my life since my last post. I will take the time to explain in more detail later, but I just have a prayer request. Something that always seems to get me down, even after such a great spiritual few weeks is my finances. I just ask if you have a second, to please pray that things work out. I know God has ALWAYS provided, and I believe he will, it's just until it happens my heart races and I have anxiety for the amount of loaded up debt. The hardest part is through the past month I have cancelled ALL of my credit cards, so what I would use to get gas or food is not there. I need financial peace.

Fireworks...

Last night Tara and I had a very relaxing evening. We both cleaned our separate quarters and decided to watch a movie. It was during the middle of the stupid movie, "Must Love Dogs" I got up to get a drink. I was standing by the sink when all of a sudden I heard a BANG. Typically when I would hear that sound, I would think someone had just gotten 'capped'. Not in the Ravenwoods.

Tara and I quickly ran outside to find my neighbors shooting off fireworks. It was a good minute and a half show, and afterwards all of the neighbors who were standing on their porches started clapping and shouting. "Thanks Jeff" "You ROCK!" Kids were running all over the streets laughing and singing. What a way to celebrate the summer together.

I love my house.

Culture Shock

Last Saturday my friends Summer and Molly convinced me to go to the Elmwood Strawberry Festival with them. I decided to attend the festivities to culture myself in small town interaction. The whole day kept reminding me of such movies like "Sweet Home Alabama" and "Steel Magnolias".


It took about 20 minutes to absorb the whole 'experience'. That including: a band singing patriotic songs while the crowd stood at attention, a craft display consisting of booths only selling homemade jewlerly, woodwork and light covers, a center for prominades, and the best of all the FAIR STORE that sold only items that were made 20+ years ago. It blew my mind how they could still have them there. I just wanted to touch everything, and make sure I wasn't dreaming. We decided that in order to enrich our cultured experience we will be traveling to various festivals around the area.





Here are a few pictures for your viewing pleasure.





This was the Strawberry Jam that was sold. I like to take note to the mason jars. You know your in the country if you use mason jars.
































Please note not the horrible look on Summer's face, but the clogger in the background. Summer did not get the memo that she would actually still be IN the picture, although the main focus was to take a picture of this horribly embarrassing outfit without being obvious. This was taken after lunch as we were enjoying Strawberry Pizza and a fabulous Strawberry Shortcake.





This was the cheesy band playing. They all had matching pale yellow shirts on. They were singing God Bless America while the crowd stood at attention with their hands over their hearts. Touching.























What a better way to get into the Elmwood spirit then to get face paint. Although we had to pummel some little kids because they didn't think we were in line and kept cutting us.




Yes, this was all of us with our Strawberry Fest Strawberry on our face. Molly was the only one whose strawberry didn't look 'booty'.

I am happy to say that I survived my first small town Festival. Thanks Molly and Summer for dragging me to it!



*Sorry if this publishes wrong, I haven't posted pics in a long time!

My life..

Life after college has been great. I've had a chance to relax and re-evaluate who I want to be 'when I grow up' which I guess is now.

Work has been keeping me busy, and I still enjoy what I do. However I still do not have benefits, and I am typing this with a headache I have had for days beating behind my left eye. I have been miserable sleeping, probably havent slept through the night for a week and a half. Maybe I should look into the benefits thing..

I have really been blessed with my friendships. Thats all for now.

Motherhood Moment...

For those of you who know me, you know my intense passion for kids. I dream of the day I can start a family. Well this past weekend, yesterday included was a definate 'motherhood experience' for me.

It was a beautiful Saturday afternoon and my wonderful friends and I were outside enjoying the weather (and celebrating my graduation) when I was holding someone that I love dearly! All of a sudden I feel warm drench my legs and lap. Lyza Gray was feeling under the weather and decided to empty her stomach- which was just fed- all over me. Projectile vomit that missed her clothing entirely but managed to drench me. But it wasn't just one tiny little puke. It was 3 sepearate sections of projectile vomit. The whole group was in shock, especially her parents. I didn't know what to do, I just kept her on my lap until she finished puking. The comments from the peanut gallery didn't help either, "Oh Sick," "Thats gross!" "Look at all that puke." Needless to say on a day of celebration, everyone wants to look their best, and I was covered in puke. So much I needed to get hosed off before entering my house to shower.

Last night I had the pleasure of picking my niece and two nephews up from their school in Bloomington. Sydney is 5, Alex is 3, and Ethan is 7 months. I carted the three to Buffalo Wild Wings (where I definately got looks, being a 'single mother and all'.) We bath and get ready for bed. All was going perfect until I hear the monitor starting to go off at 3 am. Ethan was crying. Of course he didn't want a bottle, he didn't need to be changed, he just wanted to be held. So for an hour and 45 minutes, I held him, and eventually layed him in bed with me. Of course I didn't sleep well because I was terrified of rolling onto him. - I'm not a big roller I just hear people talking about it.-

Needless to say I have had motherly experiences lately, and although I still love kids dearly...I'll wait.

My awesome house..

I've lived in my house for 6 months now, and it wasn't until this month I realized how beautiful it actually is. Our house has so many spots that we never used, mostly because all of the tenants would just retreat to the bedrooms and thats it.

The other night it was beautiful outside so I went and spent 45 minutes with God. The stars in the sky, and the breeze were just enough to make me never want to go inside. I've been a really big advocate for staying at home lately.

I am having a graduation party on Saturday so tonight it's clean clean clean, but with my amazing roomates I know it'll be turned into fun instead of a chore!


(Lame post...sorry)

My stupid mouth..

So I've always been a big cusser. It's a nasty unattractive habit, I know. I typically do it in a joking manner or when I am alone, except when I get all riled up.

My young life girls know they can swear around me, I feel it provides for a 'safe enviornment' where if they swear and I don't flinch then they can talk about other things and the same peaceful reaction will occur. I try not to swear around them, until my stupid mouth slipped tonight. I think/hope only a few of my closest friends, one YL girl heard me. Immediately after I felt remorse.

I have been constantly nagged about my 'language' by my friend Ryan, but tonight I felt so convicted immediately after, it was embarrassing. I don't want those words to come out of my mouth and people look at me to see a religious leader. I know it says in the Bible that my words should only be pure and of God...my challenge for myself this week is that I clean up my mouth. (If you ever hear me, feel free to call me out on it!)


Only one more day of class and 3 finals to go!

My wonderful friends...

Yesterday I couldn't help but let joy fill my heart all day long. God has blessed me with a great group of friends. It's like they understand me. Their kind words and prayers helped me get through my tough week.

It's good friends like that who help me not get offended when I get called, "Bible Study" from others.


Thank you, to all my friends.

Freedom!

My week is over! Only finals now and I will be a college graduate.

Last Horrah..

It hit me on Sunday that the girls I have grown with the past 4 years, are all leaving town and getting into the real world in a few weeks. Granted, I moved away because I needed to get out of that lifestyle, but I never wanted to get away from them.

This week has been extremely busy for me. With work, school, Chi Omega senior week. I have been trying to spend as much time with my best friends as possible. This prevents me from getting home before 2:30am. I figure this is my last college horrah! (I'm sure I'll elaborate on this more later...)

My Week

I didn't sleep last night. Do you ever have those nights where all you can do is think about the stuff that lies undone so if you HAPPEN to fall asleep you dream about those things, and it's such a light sleep that a cricket wakes you up..that was me last night.

When I get stressed, my body shuts down. The past two weeks I have been sick, fighting fevers, sinus infections and losing and finding my voice daily.

Today I have a semester long campaign presentation. It's a high percentage of our grade, like 3/4. A lot of weight is on today. We were up until 2:30am working on it, averaging 9 hours of work each day the past weekend. (We met everyday last week also..) Tomorrow I have a presentation that had to be pushed back to tomorrow because last week I had no voice. I am finished with the presentation, but after watching everyone else go I need to re-vamp my approach. Then Thursday is the next presentation.

Keep in mind, this whole time my boss is out of town this week so I am at the office everyday. It is also Senior week for my sorority so we have something everynight this week at 9pm.

I know it's bad to quote the prior post..but this week: "Lord beer me strength"

The Office

I never do this...... but I couldn't resist.

Jim: "Lord, beer me strength."

Distractions

Lately I have been realizing, that I fill my life with distractions, on purpose. With graduation coming up, I will have a lot of time on my hands. I think it will seriously drive me crazy! I strive at keeping myself busy so when I accomplish tasks, I actually FEEL accomplished.

What I have found is that my distractions I choose to fill my mind with cause me to lose focus on God. Things I know I have no control over. I should be turning them over to Him, but I still let them roam in my mind. This could explain my God dry spell.

I don't know how to stop.

"Take Me Out to the BALLPARC"

On Monday, April 23rd my senior project group is hosting a baseball game at O'Brien Field in recognition and celebration of PARC, a local not-for-profit organization. PARC has been serving developmentally disabled participants in the Peoria area for 55 years.

Gates open at 5:30 and the first pitch is at 6:30. The Peoria Chiefs will be playing the Kane County Cougars. Tickets are only $5.00

The PARC "Dream Team" consisting of 9 PARC participants will be announced along with the Chief players during the National Anthem.

A raffle with prizes donated from local businesses will be held and all the proceeds will go to benefit PARC.

On Monday, April 23rd, bring the family to cheer on your Peoria Chiefs and celebrate PARC. We'll see you at the ballPARC!

*If anyone is interested in donating a monetary gift or a raffle item, please let me know! All items are tax deductible and PARC is a 501 (c)3.

Who I am..

This morning God has put on my heart for me to analyze who I am. More importantly, who I portray I am to others. I have never really thought about it much, but I can imagine countless times where I don't portray on the outside, who I really am on the inside.

Once I figure it all out, I'll post more.