I know I am not alone when I say that my mind is my own worst enemy. When something happens I can turn a situation completely upside down and blame myself until I start to lose sleep. I never used to feel this sort of guilt when I'd live my life. I was living for myself, didn't know the life that was available, you know the drill. But now it seems as though when I experience a glimpse of the lifestyle I used to live I will beat myself up for days thinking not only how I have let God down but myself as well.
Lately I've been really focused and disciplined to go to the gym, eat healthy and have an all around better lifestyle. Since I have been working out everyday and eating healthier my outlook on life has definitely become more positive. The funny thing is that I was always the person who would say, "Screw how much you weigh, are you happy?". So back to my new regime..
I started eating healthy about a month ago. Since working out I have noticed myself buying organic food, soy products and counting calories. It's just a fact that I love cheese. Since my new mindset I have eaten dairy maybe 3 times in the past three weeks. Yes, it's that intense. (Bread maybe 4 times..) Today I had a dilemma. What do I eat for lunch that is quick and healthy and that does not include a sandwich. I wrestled with this decision and even had the audacity to look online at the various nearby restaurants for their nutrition facts. What have I become? To make matters worse I was at a friends for dinner and decided to have a beer. First beer in 3 weeks. GUILT CITY!
Why do we do this to ourselves? I feel as though I have let myself down because I slacked on my regime. But in hindsight, I am the one who wanted to do this healthy lifestyle and yet I chose to have carbs, dairy and beer for dinner during the week. Isn't it my right to enjoy a meal that was prepared by friends?
I think Satan takes advantage of our pride. When we have felt accomplishment for the hard work of being disciplined he gets us. I have been more disciplined in my diet and workouts then I have been in over a year. It's not going to kill me to have a meal that's out of the ordinary, yet he makes me feel awful about it. Makes me feel as though I will go back to the exact same way I was. Just like when I slip and I'm threatened with thoughts of my former way of living.
The motivation inside us is what has to keep us going. We are passionate for the change of life otherwise we would never have started it in the first place. God is bigger than all of this guilt.
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1 comment:
Leslie, I love this post! I, too, have been trying to do some things differently lately and this week those got all screwed up since my family has been sick. I have to remind myself that my desire to change is still there even if this week was "off." I also have to remind myself that this week does not negate all the hard work I have been doing. Good luck with your new "regime!"
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