Holiday Cheer

If you've kept up on my blog posts (they aren't as frequent recently) but you'll know how I have felt about Christmas. The unnecessary MONTH of Christmas songs on WCIC and even spreading to the country stations as well, was the icing to the cake. If it weren't the time we celebrated the birth of our Lord and Savior, I could do without Christmas. This year my holiday was a bit different.

I went up to my dad's side of the family for the first time in about 10 years. Due to work and my sister's family it was just easier to stay here. Well this year I realized how much I appreciate my family. The Christmas dinner was so amazing, partially due to the company. My only regret was that I had to leave before dinner was over so I could make it to work by 7pm Christmas night. (So I left around 4:45 from the north suburbs and clocked in at 7:05pm.) Thankfully there were no police out that night. We still celebrated Christmas with my mom's side of the family, and even that was better then years past. I think it's because my family is growing up. The grandkids are almost all 21 and its like we WANTED to be there.

I think this year was the change in my heart. I'm excited for next Christmas. ;o)

Relationships

I'm not a pro at this...and the past few weeks my mind has been a battlefield. By personal experience and watching Christian relationships first hand I have seen a lot of crap go on and be justified just because its a "Christian relationship". I am struggling. Let me digress:

I was in a Christian relationship and we would push the envelope regarding our boundaries (not just physical) but I never felt convicted. I think it was because we both had God in our hearts. We talked about everything; our struggles and our desires. We would both fall into temptation but I think there was a peace about it because typically we would both ask for forgiveness. Now being in a relationship with a non-Christian I struggle a lot internally. I watch my actions closer and the second I begin justifying things the battle begins. I don't feel okay with things. I am holding myself to a higher standard but the frustrating part about it, and what I don't understand is..why am I doing it now that he doesn't follow Christ? I didn't seem to care much about it until after the fact when I was in a Christian relationship, but now its all thats on my mind.

I don't get it.

Day #1.

I have noticed the past few weeks how much I eat out. I use the excuses that I'm always on the run, or that I have nothing in my house to eat..but I was adding up how much money I'm blowing on eating out. The convienence of having someone else prepare the food and clean up the mess is definately worth the cost I will admit. But as I complain about being broke I must make changes to my lifestyle. Therefor I am setting new guidelines for my eating habits.

1. I can eat out once maybe twice a week.
2. It doesn't count if I don't pay for the meal. (ie. lunch at work, hot dates..you know)
3. The minute I win the lottery I can eat whatever I want.

I have noticed eating out does it's part in helping pack on the pounds. (not my favorite thing either.) Let's see how long this challenge can last!!

My reason to smile: the macaroni and cheese and chicken nuggets I had for lunch. the macaroni was actually really good...but I felt like a 1st grader.

Reason #94- Why Holidays suck.

Okay so I'm not THAT big of a scrooge and I have not made a list up to almost a hundred reasons why the holidays aren't my favorite...but this reason is up there.

Ever since I was little it has been a huge deal of having Christmas either at my mom's or dad's. We used to have a schedule in which we followed Thanksgiving here, Christmas there and the next year it switched. But it was never okay. Someone always had a problem every holiday. I got to thinking today when I had to make a tough phone call, that maybe this is why my holidays have been so commercialized. Worrying about presents, who was going to bring what to the Thanksgiving and not about the fact of being together. As I grew older and began working I have spent holidays around Peoria. Then it has become a ritual to go celebrate Christmas at my dads at the end of January. This has been ritual for about 8+ years. I have decided to go to my dad's family's for Christmas.

Preparing to make the call that could twerk off some people the only thing I could do was pray. I'm not good at conflict anymore. I prepared myself for the dissapointment from my grandma but in my heart I knew I had to be with the Schultz's this Christmas. I know this will be an emotional holiday...I just hate being torn. I have made the decision and will be leaving for Chicago on Sunday morning. This is a prime example of why I do not agree with divorce.

My reason to smile: The work christmas party is tomorrow and my sister is coming into town for it!!!! I can't wait!!!

Memory Lane

Maybe it's the holidays, or the fact that everyone I've grown up with is starting their lives...but I feel old. Many of my friends are already married, getting married, having children, and graduating college. I have been blessed with two friendships that no matter what happens in our lives we will always spring back together. We know each other's strengths, and understand the weaknesses. I had lunch with my two best friends the other day and thats when I really felt old. I decided to do the memory lane trip and got all of my photos from my mom's house. HOW HILARIOUS! I wish I had a scanner to post some of the pictures because you would never believe its me.

With all of this said...I graduate in one semester. That means real world. Today I started to understand how scary that really is. I have all of these hopes and wishes but I just pray that God prepares me for what will come.

PS: Sorry my blogs have been kind of lame, my fire is a little low lately. I need a reconfiguration of my heart.

Wonderfully Challenged

I've been thinking lately about challenges that God places in people's lives. It is so easy to get overwhelmed with everyday life. Trying to be a Christ follower, when times get tough I look at people who seem to have it pretty easy...non-Christians. There isn't that standard...or feeling that everyone is watching you just waiting for you to fail. It blows my mind how easy it was to swear and drink when I was a non-Christian...I didn't even think twice. Now that I have commited myself and have started living my life out loud I notice everytime. There are times when life just seems to bog down everything good....it hasn't been that way for me in a while, but I can relate when it happens to others. It's so easy to go the route of not caring. But when you care the most, its the hardest.

I feel God is challenging me. Not in a bad way. But I've prayed for certain doors to be closed if they are not good for me, and even when I have tried to close these doors...it hasn't worked. Maybe this is it? Maybe I am supposed to be challenged and have my spirituality stretched. I have never felt closer to God then I do right now, even dating a non-Christian. I see something different....and my faith in knowing the miracles God has performed in my heart makes me okay with it...I just pray I can be His light and not lose sight. What a wonderful challenge.

My reason to smile: Life ;o)

Good Convo..Great friend.

You know its a good friendship when you can talk for 45 minutes, not realize where the time has gone AND not have to search for anything to talk about. For her protection, and her husbands lack of knowledge regarding the 45 minute cell phone chat, I will leave all names out. If anyone heard our whole conversation they would think we were some strange people!! I love it! I am truely blessed to have someone like her in my life.

When I was little I had a dream I had to carry my sister's baby..when I was still in high school. Now the story has changed and she's had three beautiful babies, and we'll see if its God's plan for me to have children...but anyway...my thought: (and I'd love feedback) I wonder what God would think about being a surrogate parent. For example: If my married couple friends asked me to carry their baby for them, with me single and not doing the deed to get the seed, what would God think about that? Is it a sin?

My blog shout-out of the day: This goes out to the stay at home mom's who get frustrated when no one posts anything!!! ;o) Thats you Summer and Vicki!