Christian Competition

I've been talking to a lot of my friends about what Imago Dei is doing during Lent. Partially because I feel the need to explain at times why my language is more 'pure' than it usually is. The other day I met up with some friends that I haven't seen in a while and I was explaining what Imago was doing, thinking they'd understand since they are fellow believers.

Immediately my friend seemed to get defensive claiming he enjoyed the fact that his church never participates in traditions that were created by man, ie: lent. Whether it was his intention or not but he spurred me to get defensive of my faith. I felt after I had just gone through some things I was learning through our process and he immediately began talking about how his church just continues with messages and doesn't touch on subjects that aren't Biblically created.

Why is it that we get competitive when it comes to church vs church? Isn't the body of Christ supposed to be one no matter where you worship? I know Imago isn't a perfect church, sorry if I offend any readers, but for the past few years it's been there to grow me as a person just as I've needed. Isn't that what a church is supposed to do? Not spur differences among believers just because you worship at different locations.

Life Lesson

I am now a firm believer that we go through lessons in life that grow us personally, spiritually and sometimes professionally. I have gone through my share of mistakes and rough bouts in life that I have definitely grown from. The lessons may not be crystal clear but at least the trials that I have gone through to get to the purpose have been short enough where I don't feel as though I was drowning.

Lately I have been wondering what lesson I am supposed to be learning. Marriages around me are falling apart, infidelity seems to be a common practice, people are getting second and third chances at marriage and my mind gets lost in possibilities that are always dead-ended. It feels as though it's me against the world.

My prayer life has strengthened immensely and I believe now more than ever what my priorities of relationships have to be. As I am gaining confidence I keep get hitting with another test. One after another.

I was reading the book of Jonah the other day and it was talking about God giving Jonah a gourd for protection that he was so excited about yet he didn't tend to it or take care of it so it withered. That spoke to me although I am not sure what I am supposed to get from it. What else can I do besides pray when life gets hard, because it doesn't seem as though I'm getting a breath of fresh air for very long. I am molding and shaping my heart to be prepared to handle whatever "gourd' sends my way, but I still feel stuck in waiting, waiting for whatever I am supposed to learn from all of this.

Too Preachy?

I have been dealing with a lot of adversity lately. Surprisingly it's not with me, but it's affecting the ones I care about the most. I have never been a person who is able to hide their feelings well, and so when dealing with these particular issues I don't know what to do.

I have two similar situations going on with loved ones and I don't know how to act. In both cases I have offered an outsiders perspective to the potential choices and consequences and unfortunately it has done nothing but cause rifts in both relationships. My comments are made out of love and are intended to help lead to a wise choice. But I was told today that I wouldn't be informed anymore of what goes on because she doesn't want to get scolded by me.

It got me thinking. How can we help the ones we care about most see the potential damage they can do to their lives and other's without sounding too preachy? I will be the first to admit I am in no position to judge or condemn anyone for the choices they make. If anything I have been flat on my face before because of life changing decisions and I know what it feels like. If I can prevent anyone from feeling how I felt then I will do whatever it takes. With these two relationships in particular I have lost the connection that I once had with both of them. At night my heart just cries out in prayer for them. Yet there is nothing I can do to make it better because I won't concede my beliefs.

For some reason, I was given a compassionate yet strong willed heart. I am just afraid that I will push away the people that could need my help the most because I can't turn a blind eye to what's really going on.

Lent

For the past few weeks I have tossed around quite a few ideas of what I should give up for lent this year. No, I'm not Catholic, I think it's a great practice of sacrifice as we gear up for the true meaning of Easter. Last year I gave up sweets which I never really thought controlled me, but now to this day I no longer crave sweets. I want the same type of lifestyle impact this year. I thought of becoming a vegetarian for 40 days and as much as I admire my friends who do it, I can not imagine giving up meat completely, maybe next year. It wasn't until Sunday that I landed on my vice that I will condition myself to live without. Starting with 40 days but this vice I could probably do better without for a lifetime.

My friends joke around that I have a mouth of a sailor. I always have the funny "borderline appropriate" jokes and sometimes when I tell stories I may throw a swear word in for emphasis. I never thought anything was wrong with it because I know when to control it and my heart loves the Lord so why stop? The past few weeks I've notice my impact on a few of my close friends' lives. I've noticed one of them swearing more in conversation and she never really used to swear. The icing to the cake was a friend of mine making an inappropriate joke and as we were all laughing she said "Geez, I've been hanging around you too much." Even though she was joking that is what solidified my vice.

I will make a conscious effort to avoid inappropriate conversation and sacrifice a good joke to support my pure language. I know it won't be completely unavoidable due to some of my surroundings, but at that time of awkwardness for me I will be deep in prayer. I am counting on God to give me the feeling of "right and wrong" during this time because I know that will be a difficult filter to all of a sudden add to my life.

My meditation for this Lenten season is Luke 6:45
"Good people bring good things out of the good stored up in their heart, and evil people bring evil things out of the evil stored up in their heart. For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks."

Two of the things I am passionate about are serving others and children. At our church we have a very young congregation that keeps getting married and having children. I decided when multiple births were happening around the same time that I wanted to give a gift to those couples. I decided to offer to watch their kids as a gift for them to have a ‘date night’ when they are ready to leave the house.

I had the opportunity to serve a couple in which I see and know from church but on a personal level we really don’t know much about each other. I was a little nervous that the oldest (2 years.) would not take to me and the parents would feel guilt for leaving their children under my care. I was not prepared for what was in store.

Contrary to my belief the sweet little girl and I became instant best friends. She wanted to play with me and even wanted me to carry her around the house. As her parents left and we waved and blew kisses and the comfort seemed to stay around. We played a little and then as soon as she started crashing it was time to rock and read books.

Being new to this girl and not knowing her 2 year old ‘lingo’ I couldn’t figure out what she was wanting. The tears came and I could see her frustration because I wasn’t getting it. I tried to sound out the toddler gibberish but it just wasn’t making any sense. In her frustration she kept crying out for “mommy”. After a few minutes of decoding and toddler negotiations I realized that her blanket was downstairs. We got the blanket, read her books and rocked. As she was falling asleep she would check just to make sure I was there. I sat there rocking her and listening to her breath and began to think.

Once in a while I have times in my life where no one seems to understand me. I feel lost, confused by people around and frustration when nothing seems to be going my way. I feel a lot like that sweet little baby. She knew what would make her feel better, I just couldn’t understand. Everything finally clicked and she got her blanket and just laid close to my chest as I rocked her to sleep. She felt peace and comfort in my arms, even if I wasn’t her ‘mommy’.

Sometimes we don’t always need things to be worked out. We just need to feel the comfort of what is there even if it’s not exactly what we are wanting.

Absurd Guilt

I know I am not alone when I say that my mind is my own worst enemy. When something happens I can turn a situation completely upside down and blame myself until I start to lose sleep. I never used to feel this sort of guilt when I'd live my life. I was living for myself, didn't know the life that was available, you know the drill. But now it seems as though when I experience a glimpse of the lifestyle I used to live I will beat myself up for days thinking not only how I have let God down but myself as well.

Lately I've been really focused and disciplined to go to the gym, eat healthy and have an all around better lifestyle. Since I have been working out everyday and eating healthier my outlook on life has definitely become more positive. The funny thing is that I was always the person who would say, "Screw how much you weigh, are you happy?". So back to my new regime..

I started eating healthy about a month ago. Since working out I have noticed myself buying organic food, soy products and counting calories. It's just a fact that I love cheese. Since my new mindset I have eaten dairy maybe 3 times in the past three weeks. Yes, it's that intense. (Bread maybe 4 times..) Today I had a dilemma. What do I eat for lunch that is quick and healthy and that does not include a sandwich. I wrestled with this decision and even had the audacity to look online at the various nearby restaurants for their nutrition facts. What have I become? To make matters worse I was at a friends for dinner and decided to have a beer. First beer in 3 weeks. GUILT CITY!

Why do we do this to ourselves? I feel as though I have let myself down because I slacked on my regime. But in hindsight, I am the one who wanted to do this healthy lifestyle and yet I chose to have carbs, dairy and beer for dinner during the week. Isn't it my right to enjoy a meal that was prepared by friends?

I think Satan takes advantage of our pride. When we have felt accomplishment for the hard work of being disciplined he gets us. I have been more disciplined in my diet and workouts then I have been in over a year. It's not going to kill me to have a meal that's out of the ordinary, yet he makes me feel awful about it. Makes me feel as though I will go back to the exact same way I was. Just like when I slip and I'm threatened with thoughts of my former way of living.

The motivation inside us is what has to keep us going. We are passionate for the change of life otherwise we would never have started it in the first place. God is bigger than all of this guilt.