Thoughts...

God is great. I don't know what it has been the past few days but my life is at peace. Here is why..

Great friends. I can't stress it enough how blessed I am to have the people in my life that I do. Wonderful conversations and growing deeper with new friends has changed my life.

I got a job at Little Friends daycare in Peoria. I start January 7th. I'm excited because I will be a teacher for a 6 weeks-12 months classroom. This means I get to love on little ones all day. :) My feeling is this will either tide my baby-jones phase until later or make it even worse, but I'm willing.

Although I found out that my transmission didn't go out but my transfer case was stuck in neutral in my car, I will still need a new shift motor for my 4x4 and a new module to control it. To fix it will cost a little under $1,000. I should be upset or worried or something, but I'm not. Tomorrow will be judgement day when I figure out what to do, either get it fixed or continue working on the plan I started two weeks ago to trade in my car.

I've released burdens, found peace, and today's message at Harvest really related to me. Jeff Donaldson from Chicago's Harvest spoke about really trusting God. He made a clarification between suffering (what Jesus went through) and life disappointments (mostly what we disguise as suffering). A busted computer, a broke down car, crappy job, etc etc has nothing on the price and true suffering that Jesus went through.

Thoughts...

God is great. I don't know what it has been the past few days but my life is at peace. Here is why..

Great friends. I can't stress it enough how blessed I am to have the people in my life that I do. Wonderful conversations and growing deeper with new friends has changed my life.

I got a job at Little Friends daycare in Peoria. I start January 7th. I'm excited because I will be a teacher for a 6 weeks-12 months classroom. This means I get to love on little ones all day. :) My feeling is this will either tide my baby-jones phase until later or make it even worse, but I'm willing.

Although I found out that my transmission didn't go out but my transfer case was stuck in neutral in my car, I will still need a new shift motor for my 4x4 and a new module to control it. To fix it will cost a little under $1,000. I should be upset or worried or something, but I'm not. Tomorrow will be judgement day when I figure out what to do, either get it fixed or continue working on the plan I started two weeks ago to trade in my car.

I've released burdens, found peace, and today's message at Harvest really related to me. Jeff Donaldson from Chicago's Harvest spoke about really trusting God. He made a clarification between suffering (what Jesus went through) and life disappointments (mostly what we disguise as suffering).

Shout outs..

Okay so the past few days I have realized the importance of friendship. When you fall flat on your face for God, friends are what get you back on your feet. I have had too many friends to mention that have been here for me offering support, breakfast, or prayers, but there are a few that need to be thanked.

1. Kevin Sletten. I don't know anyone else who would let me drive their 2006 Audi A4 quattro (I think that means really fast in Spanish). I will admit that I did feel cool/hot driving it. So not only was it a source of transportation for me but a boost in self confidence.

2. My mom. Not only did she drive to Bloomington on Sunday to pick me up, but she let me borrow her car after I returned the Sletten mobile. I did have to run an errand for her, but for the sake of her sacrifice of staying at home, I did it without a problem.

3. Cory Brown. Thanks for letting me drive your sweet ride. I just would like to say how impressed I was when starting the car and having Power 92.3 blaring some rap. But the best experience I have had so far in the Accord is the flashback I had to 2002 when I heard the Avril Lavigne CD in slot #3. Taking me back to Junior year when I had my Honda and was pissed off at the world and would sing Avril at the top of my lungs. Thanks for that sweet memory Cory Brown.

4. Dan Bobbitt and Brandon Cruse are probably my heroes right now. In the rain, and freezing cold these two men of God hand-cranked my Ford Explorer onto a flatbed. They towed my car from Blooomington to East Peoria. It took longer than expected causing Brandon to be two hours late for work. I appreciate you boys and your muscles.

For everyone who has offered support, words of kindness, your cars, your prayers or even just your company, I thank you. It is because of the great people I have surrounding me that I am somewhat sane. God has me exactly where He wants me, and I look forward to what I'm in store for.

Broken.

So the past few days it's been getting harder and harder to hear the fact that I am unemployed. I don't know where God wants to use me, and I feel useless. I know I wasn't supposed to be at Independence, so I'm faithful in following, I just feel irresponsible.

Well although we joked about me being 'single and unemployed' the other night, we can add something else in the mix. I am staring out the window at my car that is parked crooked in front of my sisters house. It technically wasn't parked there, but we had to push it there this morning because my transmission went out.

Good thing I have a well-paying job that can pay for the tow truck back to Peoria, a new transmission, Christmas gifts for my niece and nephew, rent, cell phone bills, credit cards, car payment, and gas that have to be bought/paid for this week :)

God, I'm broken. So is my car.

Feminine Beauty..

I've decided to start reading "Captivating" again. I read it in highschool, but I have found that it means so much more to me now. My heart resonates with desire. About a month ago I felt desired... even beautiful.

Typically I'm the girl you can have a beer with and watch the game, the girl with a foul mouth, the one who will get competitive in sports, plain and simple..the girl that gets treated like one of the guys. I have never been the girl that guys seek. Maybe it's because I'm so assertive that I push people away. Who knows, but whatever it is I feel it changing.

(Disclaimer to all of my guy friends: I will still be the one who'd prefer to watch football then do the dishes)

God is preparing me for something. Just not sure what.

To be domestic, I decided to bake cookies from scratch today for a shin-dig tonight. Well, let's just say Strike 1. I used cold butter instead of soft, the consistency was too dry. The dough was too sticky to use the cute snowman cookie cutter, so I made balls. The cookies tasted alright, but looked like hockey-pucks. I was embarrassed, and threw them away. Looks like I'll be swinging by Kroger today. :)

My sincerest apologies

I just would like to make a public apology to all my loyal blog readers. Due to a broken computer I get electrocuted everytime I try to turn my computer on. It has lasted throughout college and I know it's time to upgrade. But I will have to make due until I can afford that expense. Therefor I have to get online at friends houses in order to keep updated on my 'internet involvement.'

I apologize to all you stay-at-home mothers or workers that escape their day by reading and checking blogs. I hope to get my computer fixed soon and be back in action.

Trust me, God's been doing a lot and I could post for days!

Evan Almighty.

Last night the roommates and I settled in and watched Evan Almighty. I've never seen it, but have heard good things about it.

The story was about Noah building the Arc, and how "Evan Almighty" had to leave everything to follow God and build this Arc. This was weird to his family, co-workers, community, etc. Everyone watched him and when God appeared to not be around, Evan stuck to his faith knowing God would provide.

Sounds a little like my journey right now. I can imagine everyone around me thinking I'm ridiculous for quitting my professional job for nothing. But I will be like Noah, and build my Arc regardless of what people think. God will be there.

The Right to be Right...

Some of you may know this about me, but I am very prideful when it comes to knowing things. I have experienced a lot, which allows me to know,or think I know answers to questions or situations that some may not. When searching my heart on Sunday at Harvest to find what I really need to surrender to God, this didn't come up. Although it was a choice in a list of issues many struggle with, I didn't think it was me. Control, yes. Job, haha YES. Relationship, you get the picture. But not the right to be right.

I have to be right on a lot of things. Maybe it's from my childhood always being in competition with my sisters, but if I know the answer to something you better believe I will stick to my guns to prove I'm right. Heck, I even correct my grammar in group prayers just to be right. That one time a year when I'm wrong (thats a joke..) I will admit it hesitantly. But even if someone backs down, I will still prove I'm right.

Pride is an awful thing. As I think about surrendering my right to be right I relate it to current issues I'm clinging to. As foolish as it may sound, I thought for once I was in a "real" relationship. I even told people just how real I thought it was. My heart was changing and there was no shred of doubt in my mind that it wouldn't last. As it has clearly been overwith for 3 weeks I have been clinging to that ounce of hope...why?

Maybe it's because I'm too prideful to admit I was wrong.

Vacation..

So as of yesterday, I am no longer required to go to Independence Media. I was told "Today is your last day." It was a very emotional discharge - on my managers part not mine. There was something he asked me to do, I did it, but not the way he wanted, and in his exact words, "I am making the executive decision that today is your last day." I said, "Okay."

I think he thought it would be an awkward situation for me. In reality, the only akward thing was him sitting there staring at me while I packed my stuff. (which he awkwardly suggested I do) Went around and gave hugs, said thanks to the other manager, and took my box and left. It felt like I was getting fired. But then I remembered I quit first.

Long story short, I get paid until next Friday. Thanks Independence Media for a week and a half paid vacation as a parting gift, thats nice.

Peace.

Yesterday I was talking with a friend about some theological issues. I love being challenged to search deep in my heart why I believe things or why I do what I do. Last night I was searching for clarity in one of my many situations.

Recognizing the huge leap of faith I am taking when it comes to my work situation, I was wondering why my life in other areas wasn't reflecting that faith. Why was work good enough to give to God but not relationships? I seemed to NEED clarity on that issue.

So what it all boils down to, is that regardless of where I am in life, how stupid my friends think I am, my whole life has jumped. :)

and i have peace.

I'm a follower...

So I did it, I decide to jump not knowing where God would have me land. I gave my two weeks notice this morning at Independence Media. I know God wants me to be in a different, not so hostile environment.

The past 6 months God has been doing amazing things in my life. I feel 100% confident that this is what I am supposed to do. I don't necessarily have anything planned after the 2 weeks, but I will continue to be diligent and obedient.

It's funny, after the individual one-on-one meetings this morning, everyone has walked out and given me a hug, or said "I envy you". When I have been asked what my reasoning was, or what I will be doing, I have the opportunity to witness to all I work with. Taking a leap and admitting that I really don't know what I'm doing afterwards, but that "God will provide" or "I need to be in an environment that supports my faith" really puts peace in my heart.

God, I jumped.