Long time coming...

It has been probably a month or two since I've felt this way. Down. Depressed. On the verge of tears. I layed in bed last night tossing and turning and my eyes filling up with tears. Yet I didn't know why. I went to church this morning, only to leave more depressed. (There is something about holiday sermons that make me feel like crap coming from a split household.) Today's sermon was how to make a house a home. Well most likely it will be years before I am able to create my own home, so during sermons like this morning I analyze my family.

I have finished my treatments, and in all honesty I think I am feeling this way because my body doesn't know what to do. This week was when I should have gotten another shot but since I'm not my body is throwing me into massive flashes and evidently mood swings. I'm starting to get nervous because throughout the treatment I never thought what I would be like after the 6 months. I decided to look it up online today...bad idea. I found negative feedback. Let me just tell you that when you are in a weird mood it is not the time to begin searching for health concerns. This situation is forcing me to turn to God. I guess all in all it will be worth it, whatever the outcome.

Tuesday is a huge day for me. I feel sometimes like I drop the ball in my academics. I don't have much desire but then when it comes to the end of the year I feel bad and try to make up for the whole semester. Big semester long projects are becoming due, and frankly I don't have much of a desire to do them. I know I have to and thats what kills me. I have one week left of this semester and I can't wait! Well...back to work. (It's sooooo slow but I guess it'll give me a chance to work on my thigns due on Tuesday)

My reason to smile: Watching the Bears game today at work in high def.