I sat here tonight with a good friend talking about the strength God is giving me in my heart. I'm facing challenges with confidence and really feel the need to be alone. I really feel I am in a place that I shouldn't be dating, no matter what my heart desires. God is blessing me with a lot of 'new' opportunities.
It was then I was going through my Bible and I found a list of things I was praying for a year ago. It's bittersweet.
2/19/07
-my bills paid
-my car fixed (don't remember what was wrong then)
-a new computer/computer fixed
-I want to love & be needed as well as to love and need in return
-to be comfortable with giving all control to God
-financial peace/security
-to love people unconditionally
-patience for my future
For those of you who have been keeping up with my blogs or my life in general, almost a year later I'm still praying for every single one of those things. I remember exactly where I was when I laid all of that in front of God, and it hits home today. I'm not sure what to think. God has blessed me in different ways and this past year a lot of these prayers have been answered. But how strange that they ALL fall true again.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Too tired for God.
The Holy Spirit has been present in my heart these past few weeks. I've had a desire to worship at various times throughout the day but I find my heart mostly prepared for learning at night. I read a chapter in a book, or the Bible, and I go to bed.
Now, I've gotten back into my 'grandma' routine of going to bed at 9:30ish. I can't seem to wake up in the morning. I've skipped the gym all last week and I have yet to go this week. I can't seem to find the energy. My workout plan had a solid focus of taking care of the body God gave me. Yet I can't drag myself out of bed in the mornings to do so?
Besides my personal growth with God at night, during the day I seem bogged down. My energy level is shot and I find this prevents me from genuinely caring for others. I think about being quite and reserved instead of starting conversations that could lead to an explanation of my faith or a deep conversation with my co-workers. I drink coffee in the morning and some sort of caffeine in the afternoon but nothing seems to help. I'm exhausted.
Any advice on what could perk me up? I don't want to be too tired for God's work.
Now, I've gotten back into my 'grandma' routine of going to bed at 9:30ish. I can't seem to wake up in the morning. I've skipped the gym all last week and I have yet to go this week. I can't seem to find the energy. My workout plan had a solid focus of taking care of the body God gave me. Yet I can't drag myself out of bed in the mornings to do so?
Besides my personal growth with God at night, during the day I seem bogged down. My energy level is shot and I find this prevents me from genuinely caring for others. I think about being quite and reserved instead of starting conversations that could lead to an explanation of my faith or a deep conversation with my co-workers. I drink coffee in the morning and some sort of caffeine in the afternoon but nothing seems to help. I'm exhausted.
Any advice on what could perk me up? I don't want to be too tired for God's work.
Friday, January 25, 2008
Duh.
It's been a long time coming. I've earnestly prayed on my face before God for peace, and only temporarily received it. Trust me, I don't have it yet. But God has pointed me in the direction I'm supposed to take to gain it. Regardless of what my friends have suggested, I'm taking direction into my own hands.
With humility comes obedience.
PS: I needed to blog, sorry so vague.
With humility comes obedience.
PS: I needed to blog, sorry so vague.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
The Moment of Truth
Last night I decided to keep FOX tuned in after American Idol to catch a bit of the premier of "The Moment of Truth". Talk about a horrible show.
The theme of this show is the more questions you answer truthfully, the more money you get. A lie-detector test proves a truth or a lie. The clincher about this show is that your family and friends are sitting in the front row. The questions get more personal, and more detrimental to your relationships. Last night a former pro-football player got asked the following questions, "If your wife started to get a flabby stomach would you recommend liposuction?" and "Are you waiting to having children with your wife because you doubt she's your life partner?" He answered yes to both questions. Can you imagine being his wife?
There have been many times where I have faced that moment of truth in my life. Luckily I have the opportunity to explain myself. I have a feeling that this TV show will be the death of a lot of relationships.
The theme of this show is the more questions you answer truthfully, the more money you get. A lie-detector test proves a truth or a lie. The clincher about this show is that your family and friends are sitting in the front row. The questions get more personal, and more detrimental to your relationships. Last night a former pro-football player got asked the following questions, "If your wife started to get a flabby stomach would you recommend liposuction?" and "Are you waiting to having children with your wife because you doubt she's your life partner?" He answered yes to both questions. Can you imagine being his wife?
There have been many times where I have faced that moment of truth in my life. Luckily I have the opportunity to explain myself. I have a feeling that this TV show will be the death of a lot of relationships.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Steamboat Springs, Colorado.
My legs are bruised, my rear end hurts to sit, and my neck strains to keep upright. All in all, I think my trip to Colorado was a success.
Most of you may know me, and may wonder to yourself, "Does Leslie even ski?" Well folks, I'd like to say that I've spent the last few days snowboarding, or pretending to. I had to admit the sad reality to my friends last night though, I doubt I will be able to be the hot snowboarding wife anytime soon. :(
I love taking trips with Young Life because not only do I get to spend time with my highschool friends, but it's also time for me to get away from my life and for God to speak to me. I needed Him. Oh, did I need Him. The wipeouts, the muscle exhaustion, the frustration, and just the plain confusion of life, I called on God alot. My rough language was only used on the first day. And, no there were no YL kids around-I asked him to leave. :) I decided to go off on my own the second and third day. That way I was able to enjoy God's creation instead of pushing myself down the hill. How beautiful.
I've realized some things on this trip, which I'm sure I'll post about later. Thankfully, after a 42 hour combined bus ride, a trip to the hospital, 3 days of full snow exposure, fast food for 4 days straight, and a relaxing hot springs excursion, I'm glad to be back.
PS: I had my initial interview with Northwestern Mutual today. Yes, an hour after I got home. I'm on to phase 2.
Most of you may know me, and may wonder to yourself, "Does Leslie even ski?" Well folks, I'd like to say that I've spent the last few days snowboarding, or pretending to. I had to admit the sad reality to my friends last night though, I doubt I will be able to be the hot snowboarding wife anytime soon. :(
I love taking trips with Young Life because not only do I get to spend time with my highschool friends, but it's also time for me to get away from my life and for God to speak to me. I needed Him. Oh, did I need Him. The wipeouts, the muscle exhaustion, the frustration, and just the plain confusion of life, I called on God alot. My rough language was only used on the first day. And, no there were no YL kids around-I asked him to leave. :) I decided to go off on my own the second and third day. That way I was able to enjoy God's creation instead of pushing myself down the hill. How beautiful.
I've realized some things on this trip, which I'm sure I'll post about later. Thankfully, after a 42 hour combined bus ride, a trip to the hospital, 3 days of full snow exposure, fast food for 4 days straight, and a relaxing hot springs excursion, I'm glad to be back.
PS: I had my initial interview with Northwestern Mutual today. Yes, an hour after I got home. I'm on to phase 2.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Hi God.
So I've been absolutely exhausted the past two weeks. It's different starting a job that my every minute is consumed with work. Chasing after little kids, straining to keep them happy, and then when things calm down getting thrown into pre-school to keep me on my toes. This weekend I got to watch Lyza, which I always love, but kept me in the 'work mode'.
Monday I had a melt down. I am okay with saying that, because I look at it as a growing experience. My faith was strong, but I was so exhausted. I was looking at my finances to fix my car, I literally did NOT know where it would come from. I would have to use a credit card, and it's taken me SO long to get where I am (On my way out of debt that is.) I am mentally preparing myself for the Young Life ski-trip this weekend. I have been fighting a sickness since before Christmas. I was just not okay.
Then God stepped in. I was on my way to the Brown's to borrow their car that night, which they have so graciously let me have a majority of this past month. Something happened. Typically, with my car stuck in 4x4 low, I had to drive under 15mph (even on the highway-with hazards on) to prevent shaking and loud noises. I looked down and I was going 45mph. My car is out of 4-wheel drive! For the first time since December 23rd! I didn't fix it, and it's not like a body that can fix itself, it was God. I decided to forge the river and drive to Morton! It was the smoothest ride I've had.
I am so thankful for my working car and I am also thankful for a 16-hour bus ride to CO this weekend to catch up on my sleep!
Monday I had a melt down. I am okay with saying that, because I look at it as a growing experience. My faith was strong, but I was so exhausted. I was looking at my finances to fix my car, I literally did NOT know where it would come from. I would have to use a credit card, and it's taken me SO long to get where I am (On my way out of debt that is.) I am mentally preparing myself for the Young Life ski-trip this weekend. I have been fighting a sickness since before Christmas. I was just not okay.
Then God stepped in. I was on my way to the Brown's to borrow their car that night, which they have so graciously let me have a majority of this past month. Something happened. Typically, with my car stuck in 4x4 low, I had to drive under 15mph (even on the highway-with hazards on) to prevent shaking and loud noises. I looked down and I was going 45mph. My car is out of 4-wheel drive! For the first time since December 23rd! I didn't fix it, and it's not like a body that can fix itself, it was God. I decided to forge the river and drive to Morton! It was the smoothest ride I've had.
I am so thankful for my working car and I am also thankful for a 16-hour bus ride to CO this weekend to catch up on my sleep!
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Old Balls.
Whenever you have a birthday, there is ALWAYS that person who asks the cliche question, "Do you feel any older?" I have yet to feel older, until today. (Sorry if the title of this post offends anyone)
There was a group of girls that I got really close with the 4 years of college. We are all doing our own thing now, and it's actually an effort to get together. Whether its teaching, working, studying, our lives are on different schedules. I was talking with my friend Emily (who recently got engaged and is building a house with her fiance in Florida which will be done in September) and I got excited. Her life seems to be moving into the 'next stage'. She's a teacher with a fabulous ring (trust me, I'm saving the picture on my phone for my future hubby) and she's in the process of building her home. It was then through saying the typical "We really need to get together sometime soon, all of us" that great news was broken to me. One of our other college friends MOVED TO PEORIA yesterday.
Katie McGurn was the girl freshman year that didn't waste anytime getting to know anyone. She's the country club girl from the suburbs that liked to have fun. She was actually the one who taught me to walk correctly in stiletto heels. It's funny because Katie was the girl who thought Peoria smelled and thought townies were trashy. Throughout the years my appreciation for Katie has grown immensely and our relationship has blossomed. She attended my baptism and I took a pit-stop over Christmas to the McGurn household. Our conversations make it seem like no time was spent apart. And come to find out she took a job with CAT and lives 2 minutes away from me! My heart was racing and words can't describe how excited I am. She told me tonight, "I've been crying for days, I mean who knew I'd actually come back to Peoria"
Our lives are all changing, but regardless of where we are, these 6 girls always have my heart. Time will only tell where God will have each of us, but I am so excited to start "girls retreat weekends", bridal showers, baby showers, and just continue to grow with one another.
God-thank you for amazing friends.
There was a group of girls that I got really close with the 4 years of college. We are all doing our own thing now, and it's actually an effort to get together. Whether its teaching, working, studying, our lives are on different schedules. I was talking with my friend Emily (who recently got engaged and is building a house with her fiance in Florida which will be done in September) and I got excited. Her life seems to be moving into the 'next stage'. She's a teacher with a fabulous ring (trust me, I'm saving the picture on my phone for my future hubby) and she's in the process of building her home. It was then through saying the typical "We really need to get together sometime soon, all of us" that great news was broken to me. One of our other college friends MOVED TO PEORIA yesterday.
Katie McGurn was the girl freshman year that didn't waste anytime getting to know anyone. She's the country club girl from the suburbs that liked to have fun. She was actually the one who taught me to walk correctly in stiletto heels. It's funny because Katie was the girl who thought Peoria smelled and thought townies were trashy. Throughout the years my appreciation for Katie has grown immensely and our relationship has blossomed. She attended my baptism and I took a pit-stop over Christmas to the McGurn household. Our conversations make it seem like no time was spent apart. And come to find out she took a job with CAT and lives 2 minutes away from me! My heart was racing and words can't describe how excited I am. She told me tonight, "I've been crying for days, I mean who knew I'd actually come back to Peoria"
Our lives are all changing, but regardless of where we are, these 6 girls always have my heart. Time will only tell where God will have each of us, but I am so excited to start "girls retreat weekends", bridal showers, baby showers, and just continue to grow with one another.
God-thank you for amazing friends.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Ethan Michael
My heart is heavy. My poor little nephew was admitted to the hospital yesterday.If you can remember about a year ago in October my sister had to deliver Ethan 2 months early due to complications. Ethan has been a fighter his whole life. Overcoming the premature lungs he was born with, the various colds, tests, allergies, bronchitis, pneumonia, and also tubes in his ears. Although still skinny as a twig, he is growing and developing like he should with a personality just like his aunt!
Ethan has had a fever the past few days and regardless of anything they give him, it won't break. Turns out he has pneumonia again and is short of breath.
As I was driving home last night I broke into tears. I know God is in control, but for some reason it doesn't give me peace. Ethan is a strong little baby, he's made it this far. He is an answer to much prayer and a crucial turning point in my life. Ethan's saved life is a huge impact on my strong faith. It worries me because if he were to stop fighting through all this sickness, my life would be forever changed.
I just ask that all of you please pray for strength for Ethan and my sister's family. He could be just fine in a few days, I just feel extremely heavy-hearted right now. Nothing matters more to me then my little baby (ies).
CLARIFICATION-I just wanted to clear up something from my previous post. When I said I expect money in cards, I didn't mean ALL cards, just from family. :) And only because it seemed like growing up whenever I got a card, it had something in it.
Ethan has had a fever the past few days and regardless of anything they give him, it won't break. Turns out he has pneumonia again and is short of breath.
As I was driving home last night I broke into tears. I know God is in control, but for some reason it doesn't give me peace. Ethan is a strong little baby, he's made it this far. He is an answer to much prayer and a crucial turning point in my life. Ethan's saved life is a huge impact on my strong faith. It worries me because if he were to stop fighting through all this sickness, my life would be forever changed.
I just ask that all of you please pray for strength for Ethan and my sister's family. He could be just fine in a few days, I just feel extremely heavy-hearted right now. Nothing matters more to me then my little baby (ies).
CLARIFICATION-I just wanted to clear up something from my previous post. When I said I expect money in cards, I didn't mean ALL cards, just from family. :) And only because it seemed like growing up whenever I got a card, it had something in it.
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
Who I am..
God's been showing me who I should be. Today I've really evaluated who I am and it saddens me.
I'm the person who is trained to expect money in birthday cards.
I am ungrateful for gifts, although lame at times, still not ok.
I cry when my plans get changed all because a restaurant is closed on Tuesdays.
I act like I'm better than others.
I don't show appreciation very well to others.
I'm selfish.
I've learned tonight that although I like the image of the person I want to become, I don't like who I am. I'm 23 years old, it's time to start thinking of people BESIDES myself.
I want to thank my friends from the bottom of my heart for coming out to celebrate my birthday tonight. I promise, at 24 I'll be less bitter, I hope.
Lots of love.
I'm the person who is trained to expect money in birthday cards.
I am ungrateful for gifts, although lame at times, still not ok.
I cry when my plans get changed all because a restaurant is closed on Tuesdays.
I act like I'm better than others.
I don't show appreciation very well to others.
I'm selfish.
I've learned tonight that although I like the image of the person I want to become, I don't like who I am. I'm 23 years old, it's time to start thinking of people BESIDES myself.
I want to thank my friends from the bottom of my heart for coming out to celebrate my birthday tonight. I promise, at 24 I'll be less bitter, I hope.
Lots of love.
Monday, January 07, 2008
New Start
Today is the day where my life gets back on track. I have had a wonderful month of nothing but being on my face in front of God. Completely humbled. I strive daily to shape my heart to reflect God. A verse I have been reflecting on is Phil 4:2 "Be humble and gentle. Be patient. Bear onto others the gift of love."
I was able to begin my routine back again. Life was interrupted the second half of 2007, but it is now back on schedule and it feels great! I went to the gym at 6am, came home made coffee and breakfast and was able to sit and watch the news before going to work at 8am. My day went by so quickly because I did not have to find things to do to bide my time. Hours of training and playing with little babies took over my first day. Plus, I got to go home early! It was so nice to come home, cook dinner and just relax. My social life will be changing and I will yet again be the grandma, but I'm okay with that. I don't need to be a social butterfly, thats what college was for. Time to grow up.
God is going to do great things in 2008. I have a peace about my life and am so excited for what is in store. I am continually being faithful and daily working on being selfless.
Amen!
I was able to begin my routine back again. Life was interrupted the second half of 2007, but it is now back on schedule and it feels great! I went to the gym at 6am, came home made coffee and breakfast and was able to sit and watch the news before going to work at 8am. My day went by so quickly because I did not have to find things to do to bide my time. Hours of training and playing with little babies took over my first day. Plus, I got to go home early! It was so nice to come home, cook dinner and just relax. My social life will be changing and I will yet again be the grandma, but I'm okay with that. I don't need to be a social butterfly, thats what college was for. Time to grow up.
God is going to do great things in 2008. I have a peace about my life and am so excited for what is in store. I am continually being faithful and daily working on being selfless.
Amen!
Wednesday, January 02, 2008
A year in review...
Tears of gratitude and amazement fill my eyes when I think of my walk this past year. Justin I'm copying your 'strategy' of reflection...
January-
I was in a relationship that was not God centering, this was the month where conviction sank in. I started following God and took a leap of faith to quit my job to start Independence Media.
February-
The relationship ended and I got into my first car accident. As I emptied out my heart to make a new home for God depression sank in.
March-
The old had gone and I started whole-heartily towards God. I started working out and released the depression I had held onto. Life was beginning.
April-
Just busy with finishing up my senior service project for PARC. What an amazing experience of service.
May-
GRADUATION! It was something I'd be waiting for 4 long years. What a great transition to close a destructive chapter and begin a fruitful journey.
June-
Young Life camp. Wonderful yet again.
July-
California. The trip that changed my life. I found God's true beauty not only in California, but in my heart.
August-
I started my full-time job and took a wonderful trip to Florida with Gina, Summer and Molly.
September-
I had a great baptism ceremony. Work began to get rocky.
October-
Pretty lame month. Same struggles just more self development.
November-
I was in my first Christian relationship. God used this for my heart and I'm so grateful. Work sucked so I quit my job. I took a huge leap of faith in pretty much every area of my life. I found a church that speaks to me and I have a desire to be apart of more.
December-
I have had the opportunity in unemployment to grow new and old friendships. Search myself and grow in ways that I never knew.
The major theme I have found over the past year is that regardless of what goes on in my life God uses each situation to create me into the woman of God I need to be. I've been so blessed beyond belief! I'm excited to what God has in store for 2008. New year = New beginnings. The change I've seen in just a year causes much anticipation for 2008.
January-
I was in a relationship that was not God centering, this was the month where conviction sank in. I started following God and took a leap of faith to quit my job to start Independence Media.
February-
The relationship ended and I got into my first car accident. As I emptied out my heart to make a new home for God depression sank in.
March-
The old had gone and I started whole-heartily towards God. I started working out and released the depression I had held onto. Life was beginning.
April-
Just busy with finishing up my senior service project for PARC. What an amazing experience of service.
May-
GRADUATION! It was something I'd be waiting for 4 long years. What a great transition to close a destructive chapter and begin a fruitful journey.
June-
Young Life camp. Wonderful yet again.
July-
California. The trip that changed my life. I found God's true beauty not only in California, but in my heart.
August-
I started my full-time job and took a wonderful trip to Florida with Gina, Summer and Molly.
September-
I had a great baptism ceremony. Work began to get rocky.
October-
Pretty lame month. Same struggles just more self development.
November-
I was in my first Christian relationship. God used this for my heart and I'm so grateful. Work sucked so I quit my job. I took a huge leap of faith in pretty much every area of my life. I found a church that speaks to me and I have a desire to be apart of more.
December-
I have had the opportunity in unemployment to grow new and old friendships. Search myself and grow in ways that I never knew.
The major theme I have found over the past year is that regardless of what goes on in my life God uses each situation to create me into the woman of God I need to be. I've been so blessed beyond belief! I'm excited to what God has in store for 2008. New year = New beginnings. The change I've seen in just a year causes much anticipation for 2008.
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