Painful Realization

It's no surprise to those who know me to say I am a very picky dater. There once was a guy that was interested in me a few years back who was very nice and solid in his faith. After weeks of talking to each other, he showed up at a church service to meet me for the first time. Immediately I was turned off simply because he wore boots and tucked his t-shirt into his jeans and after that night we never spoke again. It became a joke about how harsh my judgement was but the severity of that problem wasn't clear until now.

For the past few months there has been someone pursing a relationship with me that I have kept at an arms distance. To be honest he's got a wonderful heart, a great job, makes me laugh every day, communicates and would do just about anything for me. All of those things are great characteristics, but until this past week I have never allowed him a chance. Why? All because of superficial things. This guy has a passion for life by making others laugh and not caring how people see him. This equates to being the jokester or 'center of attention' at times. I realize today that I get embarrassed because I am afraid of what people will think of me when I'm with him. A majority of his outfits are awful. He does not care to have a sense of style. And it doesn't bother him to make sure he's always presentable. I was forced to grow up and be professional at a young age, so I was always taught to care about what others see. What does that say about me when I'm seen with him?

Being my age and single it's very hard to find someone that fits the bill. But when I find someone with minor flaws that are changeable, I think to myself, is it worth it? The potential embarrassment, the patience needed while old habits are broken, and the humility I would need to be able to act like a kid again...do I have it in me?

I want others to see me as the fun-loving, genuine, giving, caring person that does not pass judgement. But as I sit there with someone who is just that, I am embarrassed. Shame on me.