To persevere

The past week of my life has been hard. I go through spurts where I have good weeks with what seems like a lot of progress and then I have set back weeks where I am reminded that I have a long way to go.

I went to the doctor last week because of some weird swelling and infections around a few of my pins. They have confirmed the infection and it's just a waiting game for the swelling to go down. In the meantime I have done something to jolt my knee muscles so badly that I have been on bed rest since Sunday. I sit around during odd hours of the night, because I can't sleep due to pain, and I wonder..

I have always been told that the Lord never gives us more than we can handle. But as I sit here feeling my heartbeat through my throbbing knee, wondering when it will stop, I kind of feel like I am at wits end. I honestly don't know how much I can handle. I pray for the end, I pray the days go by fast and the pain is removed, I pray for strength to endure all of this..but it never seems to lighten up. Just when I am starting to put pressure on my leg, boom. I'm on bed rest again. Just when I think financially I won't have to borrow money for the month, boom. I get screwed over on my prescriptions and have to fork out more than expected. Little things add up that just knock any sense of confidence in my 8 weeks of perseverance out of existence.

Sometimes I just want to shout about how frustrated I am. I want to put people straight when they complain about little things, I want to yell at them for not seeing their blessings. Because as I am sitting in my bed I have a hard time seeing mine right now but I see clearly what others can't. I resist all of those temptations because I know I don't have it as bad as some. And reminding myself that keeps all of my pain and frustration in check. That's how I will continue to persevere. Knowing that my situation isn't the worst it can be, that people are more pathetic than I, and it hurts and humbles me to say that. We all must persevere.