My Own Self

Over the past few months everything in my life has changed. Stability is now uncertainty, dead relationships are now bursting with life, dating has become 'serious relationship', independence is now a goal and comfort has only been around with drug induced assistance.

I pray to a God that I know in my heart is there, yet most of the time I feel numb to where He is. I act like everything my boyfriend does affects me, when in reality I am just lonely and worried he's leaving me behind. My responsiblities and clout I once had at the workplace are now not needed. In all of these moments I have lost myself in being the victim. My heart has not been focusing on the proper things and therefore I have lost my sense of self.

The past week or so my mind saw the glimmer of hope it once had. Hope in being independent again, hope in what God will do in my life and hope that through my misery someone can find peace. I am glad that I am starting to get back to my own sense of self where I don't need work, a boyfriend or money to make me happy. These things all add to joy of life, but I need to be okay alone, where I am at, or else I won't be okay anywhere else.

It's been 16 weeks so far and I know I have such a long journey to go. I pray I am reminded of this joy that comes when it's me with God and the rest is just icing to my cake.