On the Road

When I get in any car I have a period of time that I use to adjust. I get nervous, sometimes nauseous, all in all am scared for the possibility of another accident. Last Saturday I got so disturbed from the inside out I started crying.

I was in my friend's car on the way to pick up Jason for a birthday party. We were driving down Allen Rd when we hit the stop light on the bottom of the hill. To our right there was a guy, mid to late 20s on a crotch rocket. He had a helmet, that was attached to the side of his bike (good place for it, idiot) His hair reminded me of a Malibu Ken doll and he was clearly trying to be impressive on his bike. He kept revving his engine while we were stopped and he kept creeping up to the car ahead of him. Once the light turned green he sped in and out of the cars and eventually pulled in front of us. We hit the stoplight at Allen and War Memorial, and the twerp was in front of us. As he went to stop at the light, he did an inverted wheeley. His bike was horizontal and thats when my gut started to turn. This kid had no idea that as he was looking around at all the cars around him making sure they were watching him do his tricks that when he looked at me all I felt was disgust, not admiration.

I started processing the reality that there are people out there with death-wishes, doing flips being irresponsible and they get their life and maybe a little admiration from the ones who see them. While Jason and I were being as careful as can be minding our own business and had to fight for our lives. I wanted to drive by and lift up my leg and say, "Real impressive mother f**er but keep it up and this is what you're going to cause." I understand that would have been totally uncalled for, but at the same time the disgust inside wanted to do something to slap him into reality and have him understand that one day he won't be invincible and neither would the people he could injure. I wonder if I will always feel this way.

PS: Kid, Malibu Ken called and wants his haircut back. Douche.

Behind closed doors

So it's been awhile since my last blogpost for a few reasons. I will admit I've had a few ideas I wanted to write about but in all honesty it's tough to let the real come out. Since the accident I have tried to keep a positive attitude and grace throughout the weeks of agony. As the medication is dimishing and the reality of my life is sinking in, the days get tougher to get through.

Everyone around me has a life that is continuing while mine has been on hold for 6 weeks and will continue this way for about 6 more weeks. Every week I got strong enough to handle whatever surgery or procedure they did, the next week I had yet another to heal from. I started over every single week. As I have had two weeks since my last surgery the exhaustion is every day. I have never been at a point in life when I pray the days to go by quickly. When I do minimal activity I get exhausted and need to take a nap. I am no where near involved as much as I used to be and I do not feel I am contributing to society.

So let's just say that behind closed doors I am not as positive all the time as I am when I have company.