So I have learned within the past years that I put up a wall guarding my heart. I know it's not something to brag about, cause trust me it's been a topic of analization the past few weeks for me. Christians are supposed to be open hearted and loving and caring to everyone...what I can't seem to understand is I believe in God and I have a personal relationship with Him, but why can't I seem to allow my walls to be broken down.
Don't get me wrong there have been a few people that actually have conquered a big task and reached the guarded glory, my heart. I just seem to be proven correct everytime I let my guard down even the slightest I get hurt. People say they'll be there, but actions speak louder than words and I don't hear a thing. It's very hard for me to show my emotions to anyone else but my family. Once you see that side of me...you KNOW I'm struggling. (and if u see me admit that then you are lucky because I am as stubborn as a mule.)
Walls I have put up have been there for years, and just when I think someone is there to break them down, something changes and completely builds them higher. Or I purposely distract myself just to lose the passion I had about something. A part of me hates that about myself. But whats the worst during these times I feel as though there is a wall blocking God. It will take A LOT for me to let someone in again but one thing I want to strive to do is allow God to constantly work on my heart regardless of the challenge others face. Who knows maybe one day I'll be healed inside out. ;o) We'll see.
POG to you.
PS: I am now 'IN' for any of you Verizon people! (no thanks to Ryan Anderson)
No comments:
Post a Comment