Amazing Grace. How sweet that sounds. This past weekend my friends and I have been talking about grace, especially God's grace. When I was on work crew and summer staff our camp director (it was the same amazing man each time) would tell us that every time it rained, God was washing away our sins. I have been thinking a lot about grace as well as other things, and ironically it rained this weekend.
The hardest part about being renewed in Christ, is when people have seen the 'before' half of you. Its like you are constantly under the microscope. And when you fall, you are so afraid they will rub it in your face and say 'HA, I KNEW IT'. I worry that when I make a mistake, people will think its a struggle. I worry I will burn all bridges to amazing things in my future. I worry so much about so much. On my journey I have come to appreciate God's forgiveness and forgetfulness. But if it's so easy for God to forgive us why is it so hard for me to forgive myself, or others to forgive me. My friend told me today, and I have never claimed this as true until today, the amazing thing about sin is the desparate desire you have for God afterward.
I never really thought much about grace, it was just sort of there. When I used to make mistakes I always got a feeling that no one will understand and I try to avoid the subject like the plague until people would forget about it, or long enough that they didn't even care to bring it up again. Now that I'm farther on in my walk I find it necessary to get things on the table so nothing gets bottled up inside. As I was needing grace from a few friends this weekend I started thinking about people that I haven't granted that to. Not outwardly known, but deep inside I was holding onto a few things that really didn't matter. I expected people to let things go for me when I hadn't done that for others. I have never felt so selfish. (I'm sure I have but not in a long time!!)
I can honestly say that I don't think I'd be anywhere near where I am today if people didn't have grace towards me. I now will strive to give it to others.
Today's reason to smile: (I have two) Knowing that although we may let people down in our lives, by grace alone we still have our number one fan cheering us on!! and Young Life starts tomorrow!!!! ;o)
1 comment:
I think that grace is by far one of the most incredible, yet one of the most difficult concepts to understand about God. The idea is just so foreign to us- no grudges, just complete forgiveness and open arms calling us back in to Him.
As far as the fear of people judging you for your past and mistakes that you've made, well, honestly...we all have areas to improve in our life. I think that people who judge and point fingers at others is so often done to avoid having to stare their own issues in the face. Don't worry about it... You are an amazing woman of God and I see God molding and working in your life all the time. You rock, love ya!:)
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