goodbye Sarah Fabulous

The past two days have been really hard. On Sunday morning there was a freak accident and my friend Sarah died at the age of 22. Her last name really isn't fabulous, but if you had ever met her, you would have no doubt in your heart that she truely was, 'fabulous'. I met her my freshman year of college. We rushed the same sorority. Now a lot of people who don't understand the whole sorority/fraternity thing don't realize how much it bonds you together. You go through so much with each other and it builds relationships for life. Every one who knew her has had some great story to tell, whether it was her love for Brittany Spears, the color pink, or her drunken tendancies. But the reality of it all hasn't set in.

I try to pride myself on being strong in faith. I know God has a plan and I have submitted myself to his will. But the past few days I have had such a heavy, doubting heart. Why would God take Sarah right before she was going to start her life? She had so much going for her and had so many plans for her future. (Probably the only girl I knew who was serious about her goals of being a trophy wife.) I know that any man who was lucky enough to snag her would realize the beautiful trophy that Sarah was! It makes me so angry because I feel as though she was robbed of her glory. I've been in a constant battle with God to try to understand. Nothing anyone has said to me has made me feel better. I still want to know WHY!

Whenever I worry about my future people think I'm crazy. "You are so young" they say, this goes to show you can never be certain you'll live till 100. What I don't understand is why does God put desires in our hearts for future and then take us Home? What if I have these desires for something so much more and never get to fulfill them? Yeah you are saying, "God has a plan for your life" but then why do bad things happen to amazing people? Sarah has touched so many people's hearts but she had just begun! Her life was about to start. It scares me to death that any day my life could be over. The people I love will never know how much I love them. I may never be a wife or a parent. I don't think I am okay with that. I know its not my choice and there is nothing I can do to guarentee it, but its still something I am struggling with. In the past 9 months I have been working with God on my patience. I felt confident in knowing when He was ready I would get the person I was meant to be with. I have been doing fairly well with patience in God's plan lately but now this makes me question everything. I hate that!

Since I have become a Christian I have only dealt with two deaths that really touch home. My grandfather, who died of cancer in June, and Sarah. I don't think I'm strong enough to deal with them correctly. My thoughts have been consumed and my heart has been heavy. With Gramps I knew he was in a better place and it was his time because God took him home and took away the pain. I don't have that peace about Sarah's death. I know she's in Heaven, but the why question isn't answered. I hope one day it will be.

Sarah I love you. I thank God for giving me the wonderful opportunity to get to know you over the last 3 years. I am glad I can call you not only a friend, but a sister. You will forever be in my heart.


POG.