Tonight before Nexus I really wasn't feeling myself. Maybe a little tired, just not right. All during the service I felt as though God was tugging at my heart about something. Kind of like anxiety but I wasn't worried about anything. It suddenly hit me and I realized what was bothering me. I have hate in my heart.
It takes a lot for me to judge other people to the point of making a 'feeling' about them. I generally give everyone the benefit of the doubt and remind myself we are all equals with different personalities. What kills me is having the feeling of a heavy heart and having nothing be able to fix it. I pray about it, and for the subject of my negativity, but I haven't been able to shake it. I've been reading this book by Donald Miller and also the book of James and they both have been speaking right to me. I find myself struggling with negative feelings toward something but yet I say I'm a Christian? Christians are supposed to love everyone as Jesus did. Thats what was causing me to reflect tonight. (and plus Charlie was talking about the difference between good intentions and actually following through). Of course I want to let this weight on my heart go...but I find myself holding on by a string.
After Nexus a group of us went and ate the amazing pizza at Aggatucci's. I haven't had it in months and it really hit the spot! Of course with a group its always hard to come up with a plan for the evening. I decided we should all go downtown on the riverfront. What a great idea that was! The weather was beautiful, there was a band playing at the center stage and we all just walked along the docks on the river. It was so peaceful and beautiful anybody could have enjoyed it! After awhile 6 of us took a carriage ride around downtown. (Perfect date someday...hint hint) It gave us a chance to realize places we've never seen before. We hung out for a bit more, had some helpful conversation and then decided to head our own ways.
All through this wonderful night I still had a little bit of reservation. Being with these wonderful people helped me forget it a bit. It wasn't until the bike ride back to my car that I felt relief. We had to ride all across town (so we took the back roads) and it was my time to let go. The wind blowing in my hair, the songs I was singing, and my arms stretched out wide.....exactly what I needed. I know I need to work on my heart, but tonight was perfect in my book. I hope my good intentions will actually turn into good actions. ;o)
POG to you!!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment