Today was my last day at Little Friends daycare. I can't begin to tell you my thoughts or feelings at about 3pm. I'd spent the morning in pre-school and then the afternoon with crying, miserable children. We had 3 babies teething (mind you, we can't give Tylenol unless the parent brings it) one whose mother only brought 3 bottles for the day, and she's too young for anything else, one who has an ear infection and one who got sent home with a fever. I was literally counting down the minutes until the end of the day. I started at 180 minutes.
I'm looking forward to this week for clarity and a fresh start before I begin at Northwestern Mutual.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Captivated by the Wild at Heart
The past two months I decided to read both "Captivating" and "Wild at Heart". My desire is to grow as a woman of God, but how does that relate to the opposite sex. I know that these ideas in "Wild at Heart" are simply just that, ideas from a simple man of God. But some of them got me thinking...Here are my thoughts while reading "Wild at Heart" by John Eldridge.
1. "Women are viewed as the 'beauty' to be fought for." This is a hard concept for me to grasp. Can we as women do nothing but wait for men to get their act together and fight for us? Are men supposed to be the only pursuers in a relationship?
2. "Men back away from commitment or adventure because they feel they aren't good enough, or that they don't have what it takes." If this is true what can I do as a woman to show my future man (or current men in my life) that he is not a failure or good enough? Everything in this world will constantly challenge a man, how can I be the 'light' in their lives to validate them?
3. Women are attracted to the adventurous side of a man, but as soon as he is hers, she tries to tame him. (Interesting idea...I've seen this happen)
4. "We've come to believe deep in our hearts that needing anyone for anything is a weakness or handicap." (pg 122) How true this is for my life. I've been so independent that I feel ashamed when I need to ask for help or I always believe I will be let down if I trust anyone. I wonder how this will change when I 'NEED' to rely on my significant other.
5. "Satan doesn't just throw thoughts at us, he also can throw feelings." I never really thought that before. I always believed what I felt was from God. Whether it was joy or conviction.
I have learned the past few months that I love to read. I enjoy being constantly challenged by new ideas, but what I've found is that I have a lot to learn.
1. "Women are viewed as the 'beauty' to be fought for." This is a hard concept for me to grasp. Can we as women do nothing but wait for men to get their act together and fight for us? Are men supposed to be the only pursuers in a relationship?
2. "Men back away from commitment or adventure because they feel they aren't good enough, or that they don't have what it takes." If this is true what can I do as a woman to show my future man (or current men in my life) that he is not a failure or good enough? Everything in this world will constantly challenge a man, how can I be the 'light' in their lives to validate them?
3. Women are attracted to the adventurous side of a man, but as soon as he is hers, she tries to tame him. (Interesting idea...I've seen this happen)
4. "We've come to believe deep in our hearts that needing anyone for anything is a weakness or handicap." (pg 122) How true this is for my life. I've been so independent that I feel ashamed when I need to ask for help or I always believe I will be let down if I trust anyone. I wonder how this will change when I 'NEED' to rely on my significant other.
5. "Satan doesn't just throw thoughts at us, he also can throw feelings." I never really thought that before. I always believed what I felt was from God. Whether it was joy or conviction.
I have learned the past few months that I love to read. I enjoy being constantly challenged by new ideas, but what I've found is that I have a lot to learn.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
My God questions...
Ever since I was little I have always thought my uncle Mike was in Heaven with God. I would talk to him, tell him things about me, but obviously didn't get any response..you know typical little girl stuff that I didn't know any better. Lately I've found myself talking to my Grandpa. People always say, "Oh so and so is looking down on us from Heaven." Which got me thinking... Can people who are in Heaven hear our prayers? Or hear when we talk to/about them?
My second God question that has been on my mind this past week is this...how can we seek God when there is an earthly time sensitivity? For instance, this week I have been actively seeking a new car. Not because it's flashy, but because the wheels on my explorer have been grinding so hard when I break that I fear they will fall off. (Especially the front left.) So in searching for an economically friendly (I mostly mean gas), safe car that I can invest in I have found a Mazda3. Figuring it out, it won't cost too much more than my explorer but on the other hand I will save so much on gas. I want to do this in a way that glorifies God. But if I hold off much longer I won't have a vehicle to trade in if you catch my drift. I have been seeking counsel, and working through all the questions they have and I really don't feel like I shouldn't buy this car. I have spent many mind hours and lots of time in prayer and I don't have a bad feeling. Fasting to get answers is another way. Is that all I can do to 'seek God'? How do I know if this is okay with God. He hasn't given me a clear YeS, but he hasn't given me any NO....
Those are my God thoughts this week.
My second God question that has been on my mind this past week is this...how can we seek God when there is an earthly time sensitivity? For instance, this week I have been actively seeking a new car. Not because it's flashy, but because the wheels on my explorer have been grinding so hard when I break that I fear they will fall off. (Especially the front left.) So in searching for an economically friendly (I mostly mean gas), safe car that I can invest in I have found a Mazda3. Figuring it out, it won't cost too much more than my explorer but on the other hand I will save so much on gas. I want to do this in a way that glorifies God. But if I hold off much longer I won't have a vehicle to trade in if you catch my drift. I have been seeking counsel, and working through all the questions they have and I really don't feel like I shouldn't buy this car. I have spent many mind hours and lots of time in prayer and I don't have a bad feeling. Fasting to get answers is another way. Is that all I can do to 'seek God'? How do I know if this is okay with God. He hasn't given me a clear YeS, but he hasn't given me any NO....
Those are my God thoughts this week.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Praise God.
Life has been so busy for me! Typically that would be more of a stress than a praise, but I can't help it, God's been opening so many doors for me that the hectic schedule does nothing to me but wear me out.
First is first. I got offered a Director of Recruitment position at Northwestern Mutual on Monday afternoon. This would be a great opportunity for me to use my skills in networking and the money isn't bad either. I have great feelings about the people I will be working for, my interviews are a minimum of 1 1/2 hours simply because we get sidetracked talking about church and our faith. :) I feel a peace about this position, so today I will be calling and accepting the offer. God hasn't shown me a reason not to. So Friday will be the two week notice to Poopy Friends (Little Friends for those of you who don't know my humor)
Last night was the first night I went to an all women's small group that a few of us are starting. It will be small and simple, we are going to be reading a devotional and I can't tell you how exicited I am. I've been praying about an opportunity like this to come along for a while (seeing as I'm not married or seeing anyone seriously I knew the only small group I was interested in wouldn't work out.)
I've been delivered from so many things in my life but mainly old feelings and old temptations. God has opened my eyes to let me see the truth in situations and I feel very blessed. It's interesting I read that Satan not only produces thoughts, but he can produce feelings as well. Another deliverance would be from the 'party scene'. I had no desire to be there. It was fun being with the people I love this weekend, but as the night grew later I grew more disgusted. Guys coming to hit on me when I was clearly sober...it was just gross. For those of you who ask, I did have one glass of wine this weekend. I prayed about it and justified it and through it all have no conviction. I don't feel the need to explain it through blogging, but if you wonder how, you can ask in person. :)
My car is still working (keeping it always in my prayers to continue), as of February 22 my second credit card will be paid off. That leaves one left! The list goes on and on about how God has been working in my life. I hope this is the uphill climb that never faces down.
PS: This is my 200'th blogpost. Happy 200 to me.
First is first. I got offered a Director of Recruitment position at Northwestern Mutual on Monday afternoon. This would be a great opportunity for me to use my skills in networking and the money isn't bad either. I have great feelings about the people I will be working for, my interviews are a minimum of 1 1/2 hours simply because we get sidetracked talking about church and our faith. :) I feel a peace about this position, so today I will be calling and accepting the offer. God hasn't shown me a reason not to. So Friday will be the two week notice to Poopy Friends (Little Friends for those of you who don't know my humor)
Last night was the first night I went to an all women's small group that a few of us are starting. It will be small and simple, we are going to be reading a devotional and I can't tell you how exicited I am. I've been praying about an opportunity like this to come along for a while (seeing as I'm not married or seeing anyone seriously I knew the only small group I was interested in wouldn't work out.)
I've been delivered from so many things in my life but mainly old feelings and old temptations. God has opened my eyes to let me see the truth in situations and I feel very blessed. It's interesting I read that Satan not only produces thoughts, but he can produce feelings as well. Another deliverance would be from the 'party scene'. I had no desire to be there. It was fun being with the people I love this weekend, but as the night grew later I grew more disgusted. Guys coming to hit on me when I was clearly sober...it was just gross. For those of you who ask, I did have one glass of wine this weekend. I prayed about it and justified it and through it all have no conviction. I don't feel the need to explain it through blogging, but if you wonder how, you can ask in person. :)
My car is still working (keeping it always in my prayers to continue), as of February 22 my second credit card will be paid off. That leaves one left! The list goes on and on about how God has been working in my life. I hope this is the uphill climb that never faces down.
PS: This is my 200'th blogpost. Happy 200 to me.
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
A Booze-free Me
This year I'm participating in Lent. I've never done it before, and for some reason it was easy for me to decide what to sacrifice. Not that drinking is a problem for me, because it's not. I felt that in any social situation there is always the temptation to have a beer, or glass of wine if it's with my lady friends. As of tomorrow I will have the strength to turn down that drink, because I'm giving up alcohol for Lent.
Yes, I was disappointed when I found out Lent starts tomorrow. Simply because my sorority sisters are coming into down for a reunion, and I know there would have been social drinking. I originally thought it was the second week of February. I could skip a drink on Valentine's Day (contrary to how depressed you probably think I would be) :) Just kidding side note: I'm actually extremely happy.
The thought to change my sacrifice quickly ran through my mind only because I know how hard this weekend will be for me. But then I thought about all the temptations Jesus experienced and He could do it. So, starting tomorrow there will be a booze-free Leslie.
Life is good.
Yes, I was disappointed when I found out Lent starts tomorrow. Simply because my sorority sisters are coming into down for a reunion, and I know there would have been social drinking. I originally thought it was the second week of February. I could skip a drink on Valentine's Day (contrary to how depressed you probably think I would be) :) Just kidding side note: I'm actually extremely happy.
The thought to change my sacrifice quickly ran through my mind only because I know how hard this weekend will be for me. But then I thought about all the temptations Jesus experienced and He could do it. So, starting tomorrow there will be a booze-free Leslie.
Life is good.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
One year...bittersweet
I sat here tonight with a good friend talking about the strength God is giving me in my heart. I'm facing challenges with confidence and really feel the need to be alone. I really feel I am in a place that I shouldn't be dating, no matter what my heart desires. God is blessing me with a lot of 'new' opportunities.
It was then I was going through my Bible and I found a list of things I was praying for a year ago. It's bittersweet.
2/19/07
-my bills paid
-my car fixed (don't remember what was wrong then)
-a new computer/computer fixed
-I want to love & be needed as well as to love and need in return
-to be comfortable with giving all control to God
-financial peace/security
-to love people unconditionally
-patience for my future
For those of you who have been keeping up with my blogs or my life in general, almost a year later I'm still praying for every single one of those things. I remember exactly where I was when I laid all of that in front of God, and it hits home today. I'm not sure what to think. God has blessed me in different ways and this past year a lot of these prayers have been answered. But how strange that they ALL fall true again.
It was then I was going through my Bible and I found a list of things I was praying for a year ago. It's bittersweet.
2/19/07
-my bills paid
-my car fixed (don't remember what was wrong then)
-a new computer/computer fixed
-I want to love & be needed as well as to love and need in return
-to be comfortable with giving all control to God
-financial peace/security
-to love people unconditionally
-patience for my future
For those of you who have been keeping up with my blogs or my life in general, almost a year later I'm still praying for every single one of those things. I remember exactly where I was when I laid all of that in front of God, and it hits home today. I'm not sure what to think. God has blessed me in different ways and this past year a lot of these prayers have been answered. But how strange that they ALL fall true again.
Too tired for God.
The Holy Spirit has been present in my heart these past few weeks. I've had a desire to worship at various times throughout the day but I find my heart mostly prepared for learning at night. I read a chapter in a book, or the Bible, and I go to bed.
Now, I've gotten back into my 'grandma' routine of going to bed at 9:30ish. I can't seem to wake up in the morning. I've skipped the gym all last week and I have yet to go this week. I can't seem to find the energy. My workout plan had a solid focus of taking care of the body God gave me. Yet I can't drag myself out of bed in the mornings to do so?
Besides my personal growth with God at night, during the day I seem bogged down. My energy level is shot and I find this prevents me from genuinely caring for others. I think about being quite and reserved instead of starting conversations that could lead to an explanation of my faith or a deep conversation with my co-workers. I drink coffee in the morning and some sort of caffeine in the afternoon but nothing seems to help. I'm exhausted.
Any advice on what could perk me up? I don't want to be too tired for God's work.
Now, I've gotten back into my 'grandma' routine of going to bed at 9:30ish. I can't seem to wake up in the morning. I've skipped the gym all last week and I have yet to go this week. I can't seem to find the energy. My workout plan had a solid focus of taking care of the body God gave me. Yet I can't drag myself out of bed in the mornings to do so?
Besides my personal growth with God at night, during the day I seem bogged down. My energy level is shot and I find this prevents me from genuinely caring for others. I think about being quite and reserved instead of starting conversations that could lead to an explanation of my faith or a deep conversation with my co-workers. I drink coffee in the morning and some sort of caffeine in the afternoon but nothing seems to help. I'm exhausted.
Any advice on what could perk me up? I don't want to be too tired for God's work.
Friday, January 25, 2008
Duh.
It's been a long time coming. I've earnestly prayed on my face before God for peace, and only temporarily received it. Trust me, I don't have it yet. But God has pointed me in the direction I'm supposed to take to gain it. Regardless of what my friends have suggested, I'm taking direction into my own hands.
With humility comes obedience.
PS: I needed to blog, sorry so vague.
With humility comes obedience.
PS: I needed to blog, sorry so vague.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
The Moment of Truth
Last night I decided to keep FOX tuned in after American Idol to catch a bit of the premier of "The Moment of Truth". Talk about a horrible show.
The theme of this show is the more questions you answer truthfully, the more money you get. A lie-detector test proves a truth or a lie. The clincher about this show is that your family and friends are sitting in the front row. The questions get more personal, and more detrimental to your relationships. Last night a former pro-football player got asked the following questions, "If your wife started to get a flabby stomach would you recommend liposuction?" and "Are you waiting to having children with your wife because you doubt she's your life partner?" He answered yes to both questions. Can you imagine being his wife?
There have been many times where I have faced that moment of truth in my life. Luckily I have the opportunity to explain myself. I have a feeling that this TV show will be the death of a lot of relationships.
The theme of this show is the more questions you answer truthfully, the more money you get. A lie-detector test proves a truth or a lie. The clincher about this show is that your family and friends are sitting in the front row. The questions get more personal, and more detrimental to your relationships. Last night a former pro-football player got asked the following questions, "If your wife started to get a flabby stomach would you recommend liposuction?" and "Are you waiting to having children with your wife because you doubt she's your life partner?" He answered yes to both questions. Can you imagine being his wife?
There have been many times where I have faced that moment of truth in my life. Luckily I have the opportunity to explain myself. I have a feeling that this TV show will be the death of a lot of relationships.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Steamboat Springs, Colorado.
My legs are bruised, my rear end hurts to sit, and my neck strains to keep upright. All in all, I think my trip to Colorado was a success.
Most of you may know me, and may wonder to yourself, "Does Leslie even ski?" Well folks, I'd like to say that I've spent the last few days snowboarding, or pretending to. I had to admit the sad reality to my friends last night though, I doubt I will be able to be the hot snowboarding wife anytime soon. :(
I love taking trips with Young Life because not only do I get to spend time with my highschool friends, but it's also time for me to get away from my life and for God to speak to me. I needed Him. Oh, did I need Him. The wipeouts, the muscle exhaustion, the frustration, and just the plain confusion of life, I called on God alot. My rough language was only used on the first day. And, no there were no YL kids around-I asked him to leave. :) I decided to go off on my own the second and third day. That way I was able to enjoy God's creation instead of pushing myself down the hill. How beautiful.
I've realized some things on this trip, which I'm sure I'll post about later. Thankfully, after a 42 hour combined bus ride, a trip to the hospital, 3 days of full snow exposure, fast food for 4 days straight, and a relaxing hot springs excursion, I'm glad to be back.
PS: I had my initial interview with Northwestern Mutual today. Yes, an hour after I got home. I'm on to phase 2.
Most of you may know me, and may wonder to yourself, "Does Leslie even ski?" Well folks, I'd like to say that I've spent the last few days snowboarding, or pretending to. I had to admit the sad reality to my friends last night though, I doubt I will be able to be the hot snowboarding wife anytime soon. :(
I love taking trips with Young Life because not only do I get to spend time with my highschool friends, but it's also time for me to get away from my life and for God to speak to me. I needed Him. Oh, did I need Him. The wipeouts, the muscle exhaustion, the frustration, and just the plain confusion of life, I called on God alot. My rough language was only used on the first day. And, no there were no YL kids around-I asked him to leave. :) I decided to go off on my own the second and third day. That way I was able to enjoy God's creation instead of pushing myself down the hill. How beautiful.
I've realized some things on this trip, which I'm sure I'll post about later. Thankfully, after a 42 hour combined bus ride, a trip to the hospital, 3 days of full snow exposure, fast food for 4 days straight, and a relaxing hot springs excursion, I'm glad to be back.
PS: I had my initial interview with Northwestern Mutual today. Yes, an hour after I got home. I'm on to phase 2.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Hi God.
So I've been absolutely exhausted the past two weeks. It's different starting a job that my every minute is consumed with work. Chasing after little kids, straining to keep them happy, and then when things calm down getting thrown into pre-school to keep me on my toes. This weekend I got to watch Lyza, which I always love, but kept me in the 'work mode'.
Monday I had a melt down. I am okay with saying that, because I look at it as a growing experience. My faith was strong, but I was so exhausted. I was looking at my finances to fix my car, I literally did NOT know where it would come from. I would have to use a credit card, and it's taken me SO long to get where I am (On my way out of debt that is.) I am mentally preparing myself for the Young Life ski-trip this weekend. I have been fighting a sickness since before Christmas. I was just not okay.
Then God stepped in. I was on my way to the Brown's to borrow their car that night, which they have so graciously let me have a majority of this past month. Something happened. Typically, with my car stuck in 4x4 low, I had to drive under 15mph (even on the highway-with hazards on) to prevent shaking and loud noises. I looked down and I was going 45mph. My car is out of 4-wheel drive! For the first time since December 23rd! I didn't fix it, and it's not like a body that can fix itself, it was God. I decided to forge the river and drive to Morton! It was the smoothest ride I've had.
I am so thankful for my working car and I am also thankful for a 16-hour bus ride to CO this weekend to catch up on my sleep!
Monday I had a melt down. I am okay with saying that, because I look at it as a growing experience. My faith was strong, but I was so exhausted. I was looking at my finances to fix my car, I literally did NOT know where it would come from. I would have to use a credit card, and it's taken me SO long to get where I am (On my way out of debt that is.) I am mentally preparing myself for the Young Life ski-trip this weekend. I have been fighting a sickness since before Christmas. I was just not okay.
Then God stepped in. I was on my way to the Brown's to borrow their car that night, which they have so graciously let me have a majority of this past month. Something happened. Typically, with my car stuck in 4x4 low, I had to drive under 15mph (even on the highway-with hazards on) to prevent shaking and loud noises. I looked down and I was going 45mph. My car is out of 4-wheel drive! For the first time since December 23rd! I didn't fix it, and it's not like a body that can fix itself, it was God. I decided to forge the river and drive to Morton! It was the smoothest ride I've had.
I am so thankful for my working car and I am also thankful for a 16-hour bus ride to CO this weekend to catch up on my sleep!
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Old Balls.
Whenever you have a birthday, there is ALWAYS that person who asks the cliche question, "Do you feel any older?" I have yet to feel older, until today. (Sorry if the title of this post offends anyone)
There was a group of girls that I got really close with the 4 years of college. We are all doing our own thing now, and it's actually an effort to get together. Whether its teaching, working, studying, our lives are on different schedules. I was talking with my friend Emily (who recently got engaged and is building a house with her fiance in Florida which will be done in September) and I got excited. Her life seems to be moving into the 'next stage'. She's a teacher with a fabulous ring (trust me, I'm saving the picture on my phone for my future hubby) and she's in the process of building her home. It was then through saying the typical "We really need to get together sometime soon, all of us" that great news was broken to me. One of our other college friends MOVED TO PEORIA yesterday.
Katie McGurn was the girl freshman year that didn't waste anytime getting to know anyone. She's the country club girl from the suburbs that liked to have fun. She was actually the one who taught me to walk correctly in stiletto heels. It's funny because Katie was the girl who thought Peoria smelled and thought townies were trashy. Throughout the years my appreciation for Katie has grown immensely and our relationship has blossomed. She attended my baptism and I took a pit-stop over Christmas to the McGurn household. Our conversations make it seem like no time was spent apart. And come to find out she took a job with CAT and lives 2 minutes away from me! My heart was racing and words can't describe how excited I am. She told me tonight, "I've been crying for days, I mean who knew I'd actually come back to Peoria"
Our lives are all changing, but regardless of where we are, these 6 girls always have my heart. Time will only tell where God will have each of us, but I am so excited to start "girls retreat weekends", bridal showers, baby showers, and just continue to grow with one another.
God-thank you for amazing friends.
There was a group of girls that I got really close with the 4 years of college. We are all doing our own thing now, and it's actually an effort to get together. Whether its teaching, working, studying, our lives are on different schedules. I was talking with my friend Emily (who recently got engaged and is building a house with her fiance in Florida which will be done in September) and I got excited. Her life seems to be moving into the 'next stage'. She's a teacher with a fabulous ring (trust me, I'm saving the picture on my phone for my future hubby) and she's in the process of building her home. It was then through saying the typical "We really need to get together sometime soon, all of us" that great news was broken to me. One of our other college friends MOVED TO PEORIA yesterday.
Katie McGurn was the girl freshman year that didn't waste anytime getting to know anyone. She's the country club girl from the suburbs that liked to have fun. She was actually the one who taught me to walk correctly in stiletto heels. It's funny because Katie was the girl who thought Peoria smelled and thought townies were trashy. Throughout the years my appreciation for Katie has grown immensely and our relationship has blossomed. She attended my baptism and I took a pit-stop over Christmas to the McGurn household. Our conversations make it seem like no time was spent apart. And come to find out she took a job with CAT and lives 2 minutes away from me! My heart was racing and words can't describe how excited I am. She told me tonight, "I've been crying for days, I mean who knew I'd actually come back to Peoria"
Our lives are all changing, but regardless of where we are, these 6 girls always have my heart. Time will only tell where God will have each of us, but I am so excited to start "girls retreat weekends", bridal showers, baby showers, and just continue to grow with one another.
God-thank you for amazing friends.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Ethan Michael
My heart is heavy. My poor little nephew was admitted to the hospital yesterday.If you can remember about a year ago in October my sister had to deliver Ethan 2 months early due to complications. Ethan has been a fighter his whole life. Overcoming the premature lungs he was born with, the various colds, tests, allergies, bronchitis, pneumonia, and also tubes in his ears. Although still skinny as a twig, he is growing and developing like he should with a personality just like his aunt!
Ethan has had a fever the past few days and regardless of anything they give him, it won't break. Turns out he has pneumonia again and is short of breath.
As I was driving home last night I broke into tears. I know God is in control, but for some reason it doesn't give me peace. Ethan is a strong little baby, he's made it this far. He is an answer to much prayer and a crucial turning point in my life. Ethan's saved life is a huge impact on my strong faith. It worries me because if he were to stop fighting through all this sickness, my life would be forever changed.
I just ask that all of you please pray for strength for Ethan and my sister's family. He could be just fine in a few days, I just feel extremely heavy-hearted right now. Nothing matters more to me then my little baby (ies).
CLARIFICATION-I just wanted to clear up something from my previous post. When I said I expect money in cards, I didn't mean ALL cards, just from family. :) And only because it seemed like growing up whenever I got a card, it had something in it.
Ethan has had a fever the past few days and regardless of anything they give him, it won't break. Turns out he has pneumonia again and is short of breath.
As I was driving home last night I broke into tears. I know God is in control, but for some reason it doesn't give me peace. Ethan is a strong little baby, he's made it this far. He is an answer to much prayer and a crucial turning point in my life. Ethan's saved life is a huge impact on my strong faith. It worries me because if he were to stop fighting through all this sickness, my life would be forever changed.
I just ask that all of you please pray for strength for Ethan and my sister's family. He could be just fine in a few days, I just feel extremely heavy-hearted right now. Nothing matters more to me then my little baby (ies).
CLARIFICATION-I just wanted to clear up something from my previous post. When I said I expect money in cards, I didn't mean ALL cards, just from family. :) And only because it seemed like growing up whenever I got a card, it had something in it.
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
Who I am..
God's been showing me who I should be. Today I've really evaluated who I am and it saddens me.
I'm the person who is trained to expect money in birthday cards.
I am ungrateful for gifts, although lame at times, still not ok.
I cry when my plans get changed all because a restaurant is closed on Tuesdays.
I act like I'm better than others.
I don't show appreciation very well to others.
I'm selfish.
I've learned tonight that although I like the image of the person I want to become, I don't like who I am. I'm 23 years old, it's time to start thinking of people BESIDES myself.
I want to thank my friends from the bottom of my heart for coming out to celebrate my birthday tonight. I promise, at 24 I'll be less bitter, I hope.
Lots of love.
I'm the person who is trained to expect money in birthday cards.
I am ungrateful for gifts, although lame at times, still not ok.
I cry when my plans get changed all because a restaurant is closed on Tuesdays.
I act like I'm better than others.
I don't show appreciation very well to others.
I'm selfish.
I've learned tonight that although I like the image of the person I want to become, I don't like who I am. I'm 23 years old, it's time to start thinking of people BESIDES myself.
I want to thank my friends from the bottom of my heart for coming out to celebrate my birthday tonight. I promise, at 24 I'll be less bitter, I hope.
Lots of love.
Monday, January 07, 2008
New Start
Today is the day where my life gets back on track. I have had a wonderful month of nothing but being on my face in front of God. Completely humbled. I strive daily to shape my heart to reflect God. A verse I have been reflecting on is Phil 4:2 "Be humble and gentle. Be patient. Bear onto others the gift of love."
I was able to begin my routine back again. Life was interrupted the second half of 2007, but it is now back on schedule and it feels great! I went to the gym at 6am, came home made coffee and breakfast and was able to sit and watch the news before going to work at 8am. My day went by so quickly because I did not have to find things to do to bide my time. Hours of training and playing with little babies took over my first day. Plus, I got to go home early! It was so nice to come home, cook dinner and just relax. My social life will be changing and I will yet again be the grandma, but I'm okay with that. I don't need to be a social butterfly, thats what college was for. Time to grow up.
God is going to do great things in 2008. I have a peace about my life and am so excited for what is in store. I am continually being faithful and daily working on being selfless.
Amen!
I was able to begin my routine back again. Life was interrupted the second half of 2007, but it is now back on schedule and it feels great! I went to the gym at 6am, came home made coffee and breakfast and was able to sit and watch the news before going to work at 8am. My day went by so quickly because I did not have to find things to do to bide my time. Hours of training and playing with little babies took over my first day. Plus, I got to go home early! It was so nice to come home, cook dinner and just relax. My social life will be changing and I will yet again be the grandma, but I'm okay with that. I don't need to be a social butterfly, thats what college was for. Time to grow up.
God is going to do great things in 2008. I have a peace about my life and am so excited for what is in store. I am continually being faithful and daily working on being selfless.
Amen!
Wednesday, January 02, 2008
A year in review...
Tears of gratitude and amazement fill my eyes when I think of my walk this past year. Justin I'm copying your 'strategy' of reflection...
January-
I was in a relationship that was not God centering, this was the month where conviction sank in. I started following God and took a leap of faith to quit my job to start Independence Media.
February-
The relationship ended and I got into my first car accident. As I emptied out my heart to make a new home for God depression sank in.
March-
The old had gone and I started whole-heartily towards God. I started working out and released the depression I had held onto. Life was beginning.
April-
Just busy with finishing up my senior service project for PARC. What an amazing experience of service.
May-
GRADUATION! It was something I'd be waiting for 4 long years. What a great transition to close a destructive chapter and begin a fruitful journey.
June-
Young Life camp. Wonderful yet again.
July-
California. The trip that changed my life. I found God's true beauty not only in California, but in my heart.
August-
I started my full-time job and took a wonderful trip to Florida with Gina, Summer and Molly.
September-
I had a great baptism ceremony. Work began to get rocky.
October-
Pretty lame month. Same struggles just more self development.
November-
I was in my first Christian relationship. God used this for my heart and I'm so grateful. Work sucked so I quit my job. I took a huge leap of faith in pretty much every area of my life. I found a church that speaks to me and I have a desire to be apart of more.
December-
I have had the opportunity in unemployment to grow new and old friendships. Search myself and grow in ways that I never knew.
The major theme I have found over the past year is that regardless of what goes on in my life God uses each situation to create me into the woman of God I need to be. I've been so blessed beyond belief! I'm excited to what God has in store for 2008. New year = New beginnings. The change I've seen in just a year causes much anticipation for 2008.
January-
I was in a relationship that was not God centering, this was the month where conviction sank in. I started following God and took a leap of faith to quit my job to start Independence Media.
February-
The relationship ended and I got into my first car accident. As I emptied out my heart to make a new home for God depression sank in.
March-
The old had gone and I started whole-heartily towards God. I started working out and released the depression I had held onto. Life was beginning.
April-
Just busy with finishing up my senior service project for PARC. What an amazing experience of service.
May-
GRADUATION! It was something I'd be waiting for 4 long years. What a great transition to close a destructive chapter and begin a fruitful journey.
June-
Young Life camp. Wonderful yet again.
July-
California. The trip that changed my life. I found God's true beauty not only in California, but in my heart.
August-
I started my full-time job and took a wonderful trip to Florida with Gina, Summer and Molly.
September-
I had a great baptism ceremony. Work began to get rocky.
October-
Pretty lame month. Same struggles just more self development.
November-
I was in my first Christian relationship. God used this for my heart and I'm so grateful. Work sucked so I quit my job. I took a huge leap of faith in pretty much every area of my life. I found a church that speaks to me and I have a desire to be apart of more.
December-
I have had the opportunity in unemployment to grow new and old friendships. Search myself and grow in ways that I never knew.
The major theme I have found over the past year is that regardless of what goes on in my life God uses each situation to create me into the woman of God I need to be. I've been so blessed beyond belief! I'm excited to what God has in store for 2008. New year = New beginnings. The change I've seen in just a year causes much anticipation for 2008.
Sunday, December 30, 2007
Thoughts...
God is great. I don't know what it has been the past few days but my life is at peace. Here is why..
Great friends. I can't stress it enough how blessed I am to have the people in my life that I do. Wonderful conversations and growing deeper with new friends has changed my life.
I got a job at Little Friends daycare in Peoria. I start January 7th. I'm excited because I will be a teacher for a 6 weeks-12 months classroom. This means I get to love on little ones all day. :) My feeling is this will either tide my baby-jones phase until later or make it even worse, but I'm willing.
Although I found out that my transmission didn't go out but my transfer case was stuck in neutral in my car, I will still need a new shift motor for my 4x4 and a new module to control it. To fix it will cost a little under $1,000. I should be upset or worried or something, but I'm not. Tomorrow will be judgement day when I figure out what to do, either get it fixed or continue working on the plan I started two weeks ago to trade in my car.
I've released burdens, found peace, and today's message at Harvest really related to me. Jeff Donaldson from Chicago's Harvest spoke about really trusting God. He made a clarification between suffering (what Jesus went through) and life disappointments (mostly what we disguise as suffering). A busted computer, a broke down car, crappy job, etc etc has nothing on the price and true suffering that Jesus went through.
Great friends. I can't stress it enough how blessed I am to have the people in my life that I do. Wonderful conversations and growing deeper with new friends has changed my life.
I got a job at Little Friends daycare in Peoria. I start January 7th. I'm excited because I will be a teacher for a 6 weeks-12 months classroom. This means I get to love on little ones all day. :) My feeling is this will either tide my baby-jones phase until later or make it even worse, but I'm willing.
Although I found out that my transmission didn't go out but my transfer case was stuck in neutral in my car, I will still need a new shift motor for my 4x4 and a new module to control it. To fix it will cost a little under $1,000. I should be upset or worried or something, but I'm not. Tomorrow will be judgement day when I figure out what to do, either get it fixed or continue working on the plan I started two weeks ago to trade in my car.
I've released burdens, found peace, and today's message at Harvest really related to me. Jeff Donaldson from Chicago's Harvest spoke about really trusting God. He made a clarification between suffering (what Jesus went through) and life disappointments (mostly what we disguise as suffering). A busted computer, a broke down car, crappy job, etc etc has nothing on the price and true suffering that Jesus went through.
Thoughts...
God is great. I don't know what it has been the past few days but my life is at peace. Here is why..
Great friends. I can't stress it enough how blessed I am to have the people in my life that I do. Wonderful conversations and growing deeper with new friends has changed my life.
I got a job at Little Friends daycare in Peoria. I start January 7th. I'm excited because I will be a teacher for a 6 weeks-12 months classroom. This means I get to love on little ones all day. :) My feeling is this will either tide my baby-jones phase until later or make it even worse, but I'm willing.
Although I found out that my transmission didn't go out but my transfer case was stuck in neutral in my car, I will still need a new shift motor for my 4x4 and a new module to control it. To fix it will cost a little under $1,000. I should be upset or worried or something, but I'm not. Tomorrow will be judgement day when I figure out what to do, either get it fixed or continue working on the plan I started two weeks ago to trade in my car.
I've released burdens, found peace, and today's message at Harvest really related to me. Jeff Donaldson from Chicago's Harvest spoke about really trusting God. He made a clarification between suffering (what Jesus went through) and life disappointments (mostly what we disguise as suffering).
Great friends. I can't stress it enough how blessed I am to have the people in my life that I do. Wonderful conversations and growing deeper with new friends has changed my life.
I got a job at Little Friends daycare in Peoria. I start January 7th. I'm excited because I will be a teacher for a 6 weeks-12 months classroom. This means I get to love on little ones all day. :) My feeling is this will either tide my baby-jones phase until later or make it even worse, but I'm willing.
Although I found out that my transmission didn't go out but my transfer case was stuck in neutral in my car, I will still need a new shift motor for my 4x4 and a new module to control it. To fix it will cost a little under $1,000. I should be upset or worried or something, but I'm not. Tomorrow will be judgement day when I figure out what to do, either get it fixed or continue working on the plan I started two weeks ago to trade in my car.
I've released burdens, found peace, and today's message at Harvest really related to me. Jeff Donaldson from Chicago's Harvest spoke about really trusting God. He made a clarification between suffering (what Jesus went through) and life disappointments (mostly what we disguise as suffering).
Friday, December 28, 2007
Shout outs..
Okay so the past few days I have realized the importance of friendship. When you fall flat on your face for God, friends are what get you back on your feet. I have had too many friends to mention that have been here for me offering support, breakfast, or prayers, but there are a few that need to be thanked.
1. Kevin Sletten. I don't know anyone else who would let me drive their 2006 Audi A4 quattro (I think that means really fast in Spanish). I will admit that I did feel cool/hot driving it. So not only was it a source of transportation for me but a boost in self confidence.
2. My mom. Not only did she drive to Bloomington on Sunday to pick me up, but she let me borrow her car after I returned the Sletten mobile. I did have to run an errand for her, but for the sake of her sacrifice of staying at home, I did it without a problem.
3. Cory Brown. Thanks for letting me drive your sweet ride. I just would like to say how impressed I was when starting the car and having Power 92.3 blaring some rap. But the best experience I have had so far in the Accord is the flashback I had to 2002 when I heard the Avril Lavigne CD in slot #3. Taking me back to Junior year when I had my Honda and was pissed off at the world and would sing Avril at the top of my lungs. Thanks for that sweet memory Cory Brown.
4. Dan Bobbitt and Brandon Cruse are probably my heroes right now. In the rain, and freezing cold these two men of God hand-cranked my Ford Explorer onto a flatbed. They towed my car from Blooomington to East Peoria. It took longer than expected causing Brandon to be two hours late for work. I appreciate you boys and your muscles.
For everyone who has offered support, words of kindness, your cars, your prayers or even just your company, I thank you. It is because of the great people I have surrounding me that I am somewhat sane. God has me exactly where He wants me, and I look forward to what I'm in store for.
1. Kevin Sletten. I don't know anyone else who would let me drive their 2006 Audi A4 quattro (I think that means really fast in Spanish). I will admit that I did feel cool/hot driving it. So not only was it a source of transportation for me but a boost in self confidence.
2. My mom. Not only did she drive to Bloomington on Sunday to pick me up, but she let me borrow her car after I returned the Sletten mobile. I did have to run an errand for her, but for the sake of her sacrifice of staying at home, I did it without a problem.
3. Cory Brown. Thanks for letting me drive your sweet ride. I just would like to say how impressed I was when starting the car and having Power 92.3 blaring some rap. But the best experience I have had so far in the Accord is the flashback I had to 2002 when I heard the Avril Lavigne CD in slot #3. Taking me back to Junior year when I had my Honda and was pissed off at the world and would sing Avril at the top of my lungs. Thanks for that sweet memory Cory Brown.
4. Dan Bobbitt and Brandon Cruse are probably my heroes right now. In the rain, and freezing cold these two men of God hand-cranked my Ford Explorer onto a flatbed. They towed my car from Blooomington to East Peoria. It took longer than expected causing Brandon to be two hours late for work. I appreciate you boys and your muscles.
For everyone who has offered support, words of kindness, your cars, your prayers or even just your company, I thank you. It is because of the great people I have surrounding me that I am somewhat sane. God has me exactly where He wants me, and I look forward to what I'm in store for.
Sunday, December 23, 2007
Broken.
So the past few days it's been getting harder and harder to hear the fact that I am unemployed. I don't know where God wants to use me, and I feel useless. I know I wasn't supposed to be at Independence, so I'm faithful in following, I just feel irresponsible.
Well although we joked about me being 'single and unemployed' the other night, we can add something else in the mix. I am staring out the window at my car that is parked crooked in front of my sisters house. It technically wasn't parked there, but we had to push it there this morning because my transmission went out.
Good thing I have a well-paying job that can pay for the tow truck back to Peoria, a new transmission, Christmas gifts for my niece and nephew, rent, cell phone bills, credit cards, car payment, and gas that have to be bought/paid for this week :)
God, I'm broken. So is my car.
Well although we joked about me being 'single and unemployed' the other night, we can add something else in the mix. I am staring out the window at my car that is parked crooked in front of my sisters house. It technically wasn't parked there, but we had to push it there this morning because my transmission went out.
Good thing I have a well-paying job that can pay for the tow truck back to Peoria, a new transmission, Christmas gifts for my niece and nephew, rent, cell phone bills, credit cards, car payment, and gas that have to be bought/paid for this week :)
God, I'm broken. So is my car.
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