Why I love my Church

A friend of mine sent me and a few others an e-mail asking about Christmas Eve services and recommendations for churches. Immediately I said 'Imago Dei, it's awesome' and gave the website. Ironically earlier that same night I was having a discussion with someone whom I know would really enjoy Imago, but he won't go because the name happened to be one of a certain author's churches. Anyways...

After I quickly shot that e-mail, I was laying in bed coming up with a case to present as to why I love my church and why my friend would like it to. This is what I came up with:

1. When you walk in the door, you come as you are. No pretending, no need to be perfect, just walk in and you'll feel welcome. Chances are you will always see a smiling face even if you aren't feeling like smiling yourself.
2. The messages are directed as growing personally as a church. We work through scripture together and it's not just a self help type of service. We don't have 4 steps to a better life or an outline that tells how you should handle one situation or another. Through historical research and comparison to Scripture, we dig through topics that are relevant and important and work through them together. It's not about you have to live this way, and don't do this, it's about how can we better ourselves to better this world. Loving God and loving others.
3. You don't just hear one person behind a lecturne every Sunday. Various community members have the opportunity of sharing their story and it gives a sense of family, a church family.
4. If you have a servant's heart, Imago Dei would be the right fit. The amount of work the church body is doing around the community is why I love my church. Serving breakfast to the homeless, building lasting relationships with families at RiverWest, and Adopt-A-Block. But it's not a bragging point. It is very important that it stays that way. Serve because you want to, not because you feel like you'll be a better Christian.
5. Honest discussion. I've never felt as open and un-judged as when I'd have discussions with any one at Imago. People always ask you, "How are you?" And there are sometimes one just can't lie. But even if I'm not feeling at my best I know I can say that and they will love me and pray for me as I would for them. It's called being real in a community.

There are so many other reasons why I love Imago Dei but this is the start. And to think I felt God was calling me to a different church and backed out of helping lead this great church plant. All I know is I've never been back to that other church since Imago started and I'm excited to volunteer in any way I can to help this place grow.

Advent Conspiracy

A theme around our church lately has been about Advent Conspiracy. Combating consumerism around the holidays and doing more with our giving. We are deciding to read the book as a small group and since it was a quick read I decided to give the entire thing a go before our gathering on Wednesday.

My thoughts:
1. My first impression that ended up lasting throughout the 7 chapters was that it was a call to join a mission that has been set out by a group of pastors. In my opinion I'd say it was similar to an altar call. I am not discounting their mission by any means it's just what it felt as I was reading it. Informational pamphlet.
2. I got some really good ideas after reading of how I can give gifts relationally without feeling guilty about spending money.
3. My eyes were opened up to face the truth that I am ass backwards. Around the holidays my consumerism is not as evident as the other 11 months of the year. I think particularly because it's always so awkward to tell people what you want them to buy you. If there's something I want, I save up and buy it. If anything I think I purposely avoid going shopping for myself or others during that month. (The crazies come out.)

All in all, some good thoughts. I can't imagine myself making any drastic changes around Christmas spending just because there aren't really any I can take away? BUT a good reminder for the rest of the year that there are projects that could use funding instead of my habits or desires.

Family..

Call it the Christmas Spirit seeping it's way into my heart or maybe the Holy Spirit opening up my eyes, but this week I've had quite a different perspective on my family.

I know I bitch and moan about how stressful family situations are, and by this post I'm not discounting them at all. I do not enjoy feeling the way I feel about circumstances out of my control but when the day is done you can't choose who has the same DNA as you.

I was driving home yesterday feeling very safe and secure in my car with 4 new tires and 2 new brakes. Partially due to my Grandma and Grandpa and my mother giving me some Christmas & birthday money in advance. Gifts are such a sore subject in my family, but when they all heard I was going to have to spend a considerable amount of money I did not have to ask for it. That warms my heart. My mom knows how I stress about finances and has never said no if I've ever asked, but the thing about it this time was that I didn't even have to ask. I can remember last Christmas my dad and grandma helped me out with some trips I was taking also.

I purposely don't ask for help because either I'm too stubborn or too independent, but as I look back my family has been willing to help. When I ask and they can't, I just know I'm supposed to go through the struggle to make me a better, more responsible person. Weird, I think I'm growing up.

Power of Prayer

I'm in the middle of reading this book that was recommended to me and it has gotten me to start thinking about prayer and the role it has on our lives. As a Christian it is expected that you pray, in order to get closer to God, to have conversation with Him daily. In other religions prayer has more structure and it's more of a ritual then a tool for communication. I have had answered prayers in the past so I do know there is power in praying. More often then not I believe in praying for other people more then praying for myself.

We are told to pray to Him with all your wants and expect them to happen. In the Bible it says to come to him, "Ask, Seek, Knock" "You will be delivered all the desires of your heart" etc. But almost in the same breath we are told to not look at God as a Genie that will deliver any gift but as someone who will always be there with you through the tough times.

If God is always there, and God has a plan for all of our lives and God knows the deepest desires of our heart, what does prayer do? Remind us of what we are wanting that we may or may not have? Test our faith? State the obvious to the person who already knows? If we didn't pray during/for/about situations would the same outcome occur?

Thanksgiving Update

Well the first Holiday of anticipation has come and gone and I have to admit it wasn't as awful as I thought it would be. We had a nice day at my aunt and uncles. Roeder Bowl usually consists of breakfast, golfing, lunch, flag football, dinner and then games. This is the first holiday in years that all 3 of my sisters and I were together. It really surprised me that my mom elected to stay home alone on Thankgiving but went over to their house the day after for dinner.

As Advent starts today the message was Hope. Being able to not get distracted and worship fully during the Holiday season really gives me hope. I am still not sure my Christmas plans but I will cross that bridge when it comes.

Holidays = Anxiety

My friends play it off as a joke, but if you know me at all you will understand that I truly get anxiety when it comes to holidays. I never dress up for Halloween, (this year was the 1st time in 6 years) I never have a Valentine, I don't really get into the whole New Years thing, partially because nothing too exciting ever happens and my birthday hasn't really brought much joy either. Thanksgiving and Christmas probably are the two holidays that give me the most anxiety.

Growing up in a split household, holidays were always court-ordered. Thanksgiving at Dads, Christmas with mom, and the next year would be opposite. The anxiety started when I had a choice. The worst part was choosing who to spend each holiday with because no matter if it was equal you always felt as if you were letting someone down. The older I got the issue changed from attendance to buying gifts. It became a huge deal and the conversations usually started mid-June/July.

Last year I made a concerted effort to enjoy the holidays. I bought my first artificial Christmas tree and it was the first tree I've had since 6th grade. I feel very proud of my efforts in 2008.

This year, the anxiety has started already. In the past few months I have been reminded at least twice about the amount of wine I consumed at Christmas- if you knew the situations you wouldn't have blamed me, I swear-. (Nothing like being reminded of your faults by family to put you in the Holiday Spirit.) Since last Christmas there have been two separations in my immediate family, my mother has told me she wants to stay home alone instead of joining the rest of us at my aunt & uncles, and I have no idea where I will be for Christmas, let alone who I am expected to buy gifts for. Gifts are another can of worms, going from not exchanging gifts to then exchanging them because you were feeling guilty, etc. UGH. I will have to say that for the past two years Thanksgiving has gotten progressively better.

I will vow to try and make the best of things, but it's not looking so promising. Summaries of both events will follow. All of this to say I already have Holiday anxiety.

3 year olds

I decided to pick up my neice and nephews this weekend for a sleepover. They've never spent the night with me at my apartment, so I thought it'd be fun. One thing I realized over the weekend is that that I am not prepared to be a single caretaker of 3 at the age of 24. There's another realization that I came up with, but not until tonight.

My 3 year old nephew Ethan is at the stage of asking "Why?" after EVERYTHING. Even if it doesn't even make sense, he asks. Me: Ethan, put your clothes back on. Ethan: Why. Me: Because you can't run around naked. It was cute on occasion but by the time I took him back if I heard that simple question one more time I was going to freak.

Tonight as I sit here to mentally prepare for the week ahead and recap the past week I find myself asking the same question. The embarrassing part is I am that 3 year old. I would imagine the question started at a very young age and twenty some odd years it still remains unanswered. Why do things happen? Why don't they happen?

I can't wait to find out one day so I can finally stop asking.

Here you are.

The last few years have been a journey for me to say the least. It got to the point where I was rock bottom and needed help. I turned to everyone that I knew would support me and have grown so much personally that I can't not repay them.

I get very reflective around this time of year. Partially because it means a new year for new blessings and mistakes is about to start. I for sure thought 2009 would be "My Year", whatever that meant. Chances are I will consider every year until I'm in the ground "My Year".

God has blessed me lately with the ability to see things for the reality that they are. I look at people who were in my life and the route they have chosen for themselves and every time I do, I thank God for unanswered prayers. I can't imagine what my life would be like if they were still in the picture. I'm beginning to realize that about myself. We all look at situations as if they are the most important thing in life to us at that moment. When they are out of the picture or over with it's as if the feelings that existed were mere figments of my imagination, or false satisfaction for personal desires.

The good, the bad, the ugly. They are all a part of what makes our story. I now look at those people as just that, fuel to my story of life. So thank you to the people (I really wanted to put assholes- not because I'm bitter or angry but because it's a fun word to say) for being just a part of my story.

The ugly truth

My mom is probably the most independent woman I have ever met. She was forced into this position a little over 20 years ago and dedicated to raising my sisters and I to count on ourselves and only ourselves. If there was anything we wanted growing up we worked hard to get it.

I see this affecting how I live my life today. Perfect example: the other day I went into Verizon to look into purchasing a new phone. The internet told me it'd be cheaper then the sales guy was, and he definitely wasn't giving me the answer I wanted. I got upset and left. Big whoop. I don't NEED a new phone, it would just be a luxury. But it made me realize how I honestly don't like when things don't pan out the way I imagine.

How can we constantly remind ourselves that unfortunately life is not all about us? It needs to be how we love others and how we can change/impact lives around us.

Strawberry Surprise

So I was laying in bed last night when I hear my door start to make noise, it made me realize two things. 1. My door for sure needs some WD-40 2. MY ROOMMATE IS HOME FROM HONDURAS. It's been a really challenging week and I have missed her more then she can imagine. Plus, she doesn't read my blog, and I told her I'd only speak of it one time.

She is giddy for me to open my gift that she brought back from Honduras. She was telling me the story of some nativity scenes without Baby Jesus, Mary, Wisemen, etc. Then she came to this row of fruit and as she lifted it up, she knew she had found my gift. Maybe it's because she knew I'd get a good laugh out of it, or maybe she thinks I'm just a freak, but just know that the Strawberry Surprise is ready for any curious visitors we will have.

Thank you, my perverted minded friend. I love my gift.

Crazy Sexy Cool

So I haven't been feeling quite 'myself' lately. As I have talked to other people about it, I can only classify it as a type of crazy. It's like when you know who you are, know how you typically react to circumstances and all of a sudden your mind flips a switch.

I was talkin with a friend of mine last night and he just seemed to put everything in perspective. After our phone conversation I felt clarity. I read a book later that night that seemed to be speaking my language and woke up with a slap-happy attitude. Of course in retrospect I feel just as crazy to be able to go from one extreme to the other so quickly. I can imagine this feeling of clarity won't always be this strong, but hell, I'll take it!

The title of this blog doesn't really mean anything, just wanted to bring by TLC. :)

It's not easy

We are all faced with challenges in life and unfortunately no matter how much we'd want them to end, they aren't going to.

I've been thinking a lot about the idea of Story due to my recent obsession of Donald Miller and his new book "A Million Miles in a Million Years". It gives me hope to know that even if the challenges won't stop taking an outsiders view of what has happened helps get me out of the mud for awhile.

One of my many challenges lately has been causing my heart a lot of anguish. The hardest part about it is that I have brought this all on myself. Choosing to stand up for what I should know is in my best interest, yet at the same time doubting my every decision. It's not easy to stop something that made me laugh a lot, feel cared about and forget all the crap that has been going on all at the same time. But I know in the long run all of that would eventually stop and I'd be stuck alone at square one.

Life's not made to be easy...for anyone.

Traveling Showers

One of my favorite things is when I go out of town and I shower as a guest. I enjoy observing the shampoo/conditioner choices that one would make as well as the various body washes in the showers. I get in a routine when I'm at the grocery store buying the same facewash, soap, etc. I like the opportunity to try new things and I feel cleaner when I shower in someone else's shower.

As strange as this guilty pleasure is, I relate it to the fact that we go through life envious of what other people have. Showering in someone else's shower allows us to have a taste of what they have in life, even if it's just their fragrance of Dove :)

Alive

Where/When do you feel most alive?

I think we've all been stuck waking up, going to work, coming home, and the next day doing the same thing. Yet there are people who wake up and they never feel as though they've worked a day in their life. How are we supposed to switch gears to from the one to the latter?

I gave a presentation to local businesses on how to utilize social media in their own businesses to build awareness and connect to others. I walked away feeling alive. Like if I had to do that everyday I don't think I'd feel like I'd be 'working'. I love helping people. Showing and teaching them how to better their businesses. Feeling a sense of accomplishment.

Only if I could do that everyday. Hmmmm.

Plans

Whenever anyone asks how things are going the easiest replies are typically 'Good' and 'Busy'. I like to use the word busy because it gives me an excuse if I drop the ball on a phone call or event that I didn't go to. But I was thinking about my schedule and I honestly am "busy".

Every weekend from now until November, and I think that month I have two weekends open I have plans. But if I am honest with myself if something better came up I'd change those plans. So how busy is 'busy'. :)

Disclaimer: I like things in my schedule that I want to do, it helps the week go by fast. So I can imagine the month of October will FLY by!

The Boiling Point

There used to be a show on MTV called “The Boiling Point”. The purpose was to see how long an unsuspecting person could keep their cool while having one thing after another go wrong. Every minute they last under pressure is worth $1.00. I think we have these instances outside of television, but unfortunately neither we nor our unsuspecting victims get paid any money.

For me, last week was the culmination of mercury in my sanity thermometer. Every day brought on a new challenge and frustration and there wasn’t opportunity for resolution after every situation so it added up. Getting stopped at a ridiculous stoplight that has no rhyme or reason when you are running late to a meeting, you don’t feel relief what yelling at it to change. Approaching an awkward situation to resolve internal conflict, only to have it tabled and avoided, doesn’t give relief.

Unfortunately unless conflicts are handled correctly we get to a point where enough is enough. There’s going to be someone that gets the grunt of all of your anger because they are going to be the first person you can verbally tell how angry you are at whatever they have done to upset you. The disappointment can be just, but the person will be getting 100% of your emotions instead of the 10% they may deserve.

It’s a tough situation because you want to be able to be vulnerable with those in your life, but you also want to keep your dignity about you. Even though I feel like a huge weight has been lifting off of my shoulders by letting everything out, I still will feel bad for my Boiling Point victim.

It’s time to remind myself to take things one day at a time.

All in the same.

Unfortunately I have never been able to compartmentalize what's going on in my life. I deal with everything all at once. As humiliating as it is, I wear my heart on my sleeve and when life's good everyone knows it. The same thing happens when life is tough only I blog more to get the thoughts out of my head. My mom always told me that things usually happen in sets of three, especially death. I like the saying, "When it rains it pours". Here's my melting pot.

I am so angry that I never seem to be able to just 'be'. Why are things always such a battle? Give me contentment, give me peace, give me some sort of tangible happiness that covers all of my anger.

I hate how I push everyone away when life gets tough. It's my way of dealing with things because honestly if no one is around there is no chance that they will let you down. I'd rather deal with it alone. I hate how I've let myself get vulernable in a situation that's going no where. I am better than that. I deserve better than that.

I hate how I never feel appreciated in the workplace. I devote my heart into what I do, but when my talents are tested the value is not there anymore.

I am so angry that marriage doesn't hold the importance to people in my life that it should. Marriage is a choice to love someone when you don't feel like loving them sometimes. I worry I will be like them. Maybe I'll see marriage as a lifelong vow but my husband won't. Then there will be nothing I can do.

I am tired of fighting for everything. I look at people who seem to have all the blessings in the world. They aren't fighting financially. Give me security for once in my life.

Give me the desire to serve others when I really feel my world is a mess. That's the only way I can get through. You are the only way I can get through.

Psalm 13.

No Expectations = No Letdowns

I have this theory that if you don't expect anything to happen either good or bad you won't be dissapointed in the end result. I have tried to convince myself that this is the way to go in life because then you don't have to come to the awful realization that the people you think so highly of will let you down. If you don't expect them to do things then when they don't there is no conflict.

Unfortunately I have realized that even if I voice outloud that I don't expect anything from anyone, in my heart of hearts I really do. I have hidden agendas or secret expectations. I have hope that the people in my life want to follow through or do things without me expecting them to. But truth be told I get let down when I don't feel like a priority, when plans change, or when things like that don't happen.

I give people the benefit of the doubt. I put trust in them even when they have not shown me they have earned it. I see the person they are meant to be instead of the person they are now.

I just don't think its possible anymore to live life with no expectations or without any letdowns.

Character Development

Do you ever take a bird’s eye view on what is going on in your life? Until recently I’ve allowed myself to be buried in the crap that is my life. Worrying about the random junk in life that takes away from the enjoyment of living every day. I started reading this book that discusses character development in a story. I’m not finished with the book yet so I’m sure there will be more posts about it as I continue. I’ve already got the wheels starting and it has helped me step out of the crap and see the bigger picture.

The author, Donald Miller, starts out talking about the idea of “Story”. In my own words it’s explained as character development, dealing with adversity, and character change/end result. I get frustrated when I don’t understand why things happen in my life. Why am I the only one that seems to be dealing with this situation or another? Why do I feel discontent in life? Why are my bills so ridiculously high? Why do I get frustrated when other people let me down? When I’m stuck in the mess and crap of life this is what I see.

Just like any other American I have dealt with my share of crap. But taking an author’s perspective on the story that is my life, the crap that goes on is developing me into the person I am meant to be. Instead of just seeing every bad situation or tragedy as a bad situation or tragedy I’m being challenged to look at it as a learning experience. What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger, and in the end I will be one strong as hell woman. I see my character being developed every day. When you look at it from this view, it feels a lot better to go through the stuff then when you are stuck in the middle of it.

Once it hits your lips

Over the past few weeks I have been participating in Old Chicago's Oktoberfest Beer Tour, at Oktoberfest in Lincoln Park, and enjoying watching football for 3 weeks with an ice cold beer.

It's Wednesday, middle of the week, no reason to celebrate, and what's on my mind? Sam Adam's Oktoberfest. Why is it that fall and beer go so nicely together?