Moody Monday

So this blog has been a work in progress since Monday. (Which for me wasn't the best day...) Work was going well and all of a sudden I got sick. I don't know why, but food wouldn't stay down, and my head was spinning. My brother sent me home to rest but I knew I had my 4th treatment appointment...which luckily I could move up. With everything I had planned there was no way I could pencil in time to get sick!! A little old lady told me that day, "Getting sick is God's way of telling us to slow down."

I was thinking about what this little land-lady (or landlord woman) said to me and she was completely right. I have been constantly on the go! My focus on God has started to go elsewhere and I don't like it. On Monday night I went to worship at full volume. First and foremost worship is my favorite part of any service. It's a time to open your heart and pray through song. But then Charlie Dean gave a talk comparing our lives to old Oak tress. Of course I don't feel hollow on the inside but I feel as though when things aren't lined up with God's plan that there becomes a weakness in your middle. And that opens a door to every other thing to go wrong.

There are two particular weaknesses I have been struggling with lately. 1. I love to get to know people. Not just on a superficial level, but deep questions. I am blunt and ask things that other people may not. I feel as though you can tell so much about a person by their answers to the questions. But the negative part of this is people tend to take it the wrong way. It's my weakness because I get so excited to know people that I don't let time take its course. I need to be patient with God's will in my life.

Second weakness is that I am horrible at calling people back. I can think of at least 3 calls that need to be made, and of course I think of these while I'm at work. By the time I'm off my mind is elsewhere and I forget YET AGAIN. And these aren't calls that will take just a few minutes each..I'd like to talk and actually catch up. So to anyone that I have forgotten to call back, I'm sorry. I am going to try and complete all the calls this afternoon. I promise!! ;o) My goal is to get better with my correspondence.

45 minutes left of work!! YEA!!!

POG.

Work-a-holic

So my life pretty much consists of eat, sleep, school, and work. Lets just give my day for an example. I woke up at 6:15 and was at work by 7am. Got off from the hotel at 3:00 (in which I had two great visitors!!!!!!) and was showered and at Kellehers by 4:30. As luck has it I ended up staying until 2:00am. So thats roughly 18+ hours in one day. (I'm not looking for sympathy....I'm actually giving thanks)

I wanted to say thank you to all of my amazing friends who came in to see me tonight at work. I don't think I would have made it through the night without you. With your presense time seemed to fly by. So thank you Alyssa, Brandon, Ryan, Abbie, Dan, Jake, Abel, Matt, Jessica (i hope thats her name!!), Bethany, and Chris. You all were gifts from God tonight and I love you!!!!!

18 1/2 hours and I"m pooped. Good night ya'll!!

Oh back to school..

When I wrote that title I had the song from Billy Madison ringing in my head. I have read quite a few blogs regarding the beginning of the semester so I thought I would write one of my own. It seems as though my schedule is the same as a few of my friends, although I doubt I'll see them much this year.

I don't know if I posted this before, but my job at the hotel is going to count as an internship. And as Alyssa knows from her visit today, its as easy as pie. So I get 3 credit hours at Bradley for facebooking, myspacing, eating, and blogging. Thanks Bradley University! I do have to do some work here and there, but its customer service oriented and I love it.

The rest of my courses are on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I walked into my first class yesterday and found myself baffled. I need university hours so I just signed up for any 100 level course to get me through. Well this course was called "Computer Programming". I should have known it wasn't for me when I walked in and my friend looked at me awkwardly and said, "What are YOU doing in here?" The teacher started talking about O's and 1's and binary digits and the use of Java...I thought it was great we would be provided with coffee during class... ;o) I was going to stick it out and try the lab which was later on in the day but I ran into a friend of mine who convinced me to drop the course. I went and talked to his mom and got hooked up with "Crime and Society" instead. Everyone in the registrar's office told me if I was a good 'BS'er then I'd be great in this class. Other than that minor issue I think my schedule will be nice and boring, which I agree with the people who say that Senior year is full of boring classes.

With each new year comes great anticipation. I love the first few weeks of class because I always feel so organized. I get in this mindset that THIS is going to be the semester where I put forth 110% and never get behind. I can't wait to see what great things unfold for me this semester.

Hmmmmmm so now that my blog is done, what shall I do for the 3 hours and 15 minutes I have left of work???

POG to you.

Inspiration

Lately I've been thinking about the people in my life and how they inspire me. My friends probably think they do nothing of the sort, but from their everyday life, I learn.

On my drive home tonight from an eventful evening, I thought about my inspirations. I was on my way home from the Sletten's house and they are two people who are most influencial on my life. Not only do I value their opinions, suggestions, but I love them like my family. (Especially that cute little baby of theirs!) I pray that one day my husband can be like Kevin, and I can be as great of a mom as Summer.

Then there are my Christian friends. I feel as though there are a few that I can really dive in deep conversations with, and talk about my struggles. They know me, my strengths, my frustrations and can even talk about personal things with (Alyssa you should know what I'm talking about.) I just think that my friends lift me up and hold me to a higher standard and it makes me work hard. I love that. I have to be on my toes and maintain my spiritual journey.

Relationships are something that I think are so important and can really shape a person. I was thinking of past and possible future relationships and I think I have realized something I can not be without. My past relationships have always been self-centered and not God-centered no matter how much I tried or pretended. Obviously they have never worked out. I know that in my next relationship I want to be tested and pushed to keep strong on my path. Just thinking about having someone who makes me want to be a better person brightens my day. I have faith, stronger than I have had before.

Ahhhh I love life. ;o)

Loungin in the POG

My grab bag.

Today for some reason I have had many things to think about. A few, I think, are blog worthy. Because I have the time (work is kinda slow tonight) and to minimize blog numbers, I am giving them all to you here...in my grab bag.

First off I have been so blessed the past few days. I feel as if God has cleared a lot of garbage from my head and heart and now I can focus on the important things.

This past week has really been a challenge for me health-wise. For the first time since the time of my surgery I had to take my pain medicine. I HATE that! It does weird things to my system for days. I get my 4th treatment next week (2 to go!) and I can't wait for it to be overwith! My schedule has not left a lot of room for rest and relaxation, or much of a social life. I think once I catch up on my sleep I'll start to feel better, but with school starting Wednesday I don't know if thats possible.

Unfortunately the car trade-in didn't work out. Not only do I not want my truck, the dealers don't want it either. I'm still looking, and having high hopes. If anyone knows any dealers or friends that want a 2002 Ford Explorer for $12,000...LET ME KNOW!! One of the guests at the hotel (he is here for months at a time) told me to put an ad on an Indian website. Supposedly people coming into the states from India who are looking for things immediately go to that website? It's free so what the heck.

As some of you know I am a recruitment counselor this fall. What I do: disaffiliate from my sorority until rush is over with, go to the welcome events for new students and get girls to sign up for recruitment. I also will be taking a group of girls around to each house during rush and when the whole process is over I get to re-affiliate with my sorority! But what is also a part of this whole 'recruitment counselor' thing is to make sure affiliated sorority girls or fraternity guys aren't persuading the girls to a specific house. This entails a 'party patrol'. Groups of us go around to the fraternity houses and 'party'. Last night was my first night going around and honestly it brought back flashes of my freshman year. Things were so new, guys loved us and gave us free beer as long as we came to their houses. Girls getting hopped up and making some bad decisions because their parents just left hours before. Freedom. It broke my heart to watch them...keep following me on this...

About a year ago I sat in the kitchen of a couple that have served as my mentors (for a lack of a better word). They cooked me dinner and we discussed my struggle with the fact that I didn't get conviction. I lived a double life and didn't feel bad about it. I wasn't sure if I should do leadership anymore. Well by God's amazing grace I was eventually slapped into reality and with a long story have grown closer to Him then I have ever been before. Along with being serious about my Christian walk came conviction. Last night and today I have felt conviction. I wasn't drunk, but with my presense I was supporting everything I have been trying to get rid of in my life. (Does that even make sense?) Let me clarify. I don't want people to think I judge them because I don't want to get drunk and they do...I guess I am feeling convicted watching these girls start down the same path I did.

One last thing...lately a lot of my friends and family members have been experiencing great life changes. Marriages, cross country moves, babies, big financial purchases and I honestly am excited for the day when I can go through this stuff too! I'm no longer looking for things to make me happy now, I am rest-assured in the future! ;o)

Pog.

Red Flags

Last night a few of my girl friends and I were talking about relationships. We had grown up being taught to watch for red flags. And how it seemed so common that no matter if we saw red flags, we held on tightly to the idea...or hope I should say that one day the person will change. I never will understand why it is so hard to let go of someone when you know there are things you don't want in a future. After thinking long and hard last night and a majority of today I know that red flags are there for a reason. I feel as though people can change, but most of the time it happens in the exact opposite way you'd hope. I've learned that in order to completely move on you have to just let go.

Soooo on a different topic, about a year ago I bought a new car. *I should have seen the red flags when the price of gas went up immediately* I traded in a '94 Honda Accord for a '02 Ford Explorer XLT (fully loaded) v8. Needless to say I am poor. Still am poor. And bust my butt to make my car payments and afford an average of $65.00 A WEEK in gas. So I was tired of 'holding on' to my baby and went to the dealership today. I test drove a '03 Honda Accord, black, black leather interior, sunroof, 2 door blah blah blah. I won't find out until tomorrow how much I will get for my Explorer, but I would LOVE a prayer request. The sooner I get this trade in, I'm hoping the sooner I can actually breath financially. I haven't seen any red flags on this Honda...So if you have time I'd love a shout up to God.

I hope that any one of you who have seen the red flags can have faith in God's plan and let go too. My favorite bible verse, (that I carry everywhere on me)

"Trust in the Lord with all your might, and lean not on your own understanding, in ALL your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your path straight." -Prov 3:5-6


POG to you!

My disconnect.

First and foremost I'd like to shout out to Alyssa Yoder and tell her how excited I am to have her back! She's been in NY all summer and as of this afternoon she is back and ready for action. For those of you who don't know Alyssa she has the best personality and truely has a Christian heart. I love you girl and I can't explain how glad I am to have you back!

Secondly, I'd like to tell you that today I was at work, go figure, and I get a call from my mom. She proceded to tell me that one of the dressers I use is going to be a part of my nephews new bedroom set. Well thats all fine and dandy except for the small fact that I already have clothes that don't fit in the dressers and are still in boxes. I get home from work today and my clothes are in a pile on the floor. ;o( I know its going to a good cause, he's really cute...but it's like all of a sudden I don't need that dresser anymore? No one even said anything to me....talk about frustrating. It wasn't my dresser set, I know I was borrowing..but still. That was my vent for the day.

Now for the meat and potatoes of my disconnect. Lately I've been feeling really not into what I do. If that makes sense. I go to work, I eat, I sleep, and do the same thing over again. I hardly feel the desire to be around people. I've been frustrated with God on things that haven't happened, or that have happened. I feel as though my prayers are so repetative, I haven't had the desire to finish my book (yea the one I've been reading for months), I just have felt disconnected. I was riding home from work and put on the Christian station..and then it hit. "About You" by Zoe Girl came on and I realized that everything I was upset about, or concentrating on was about me. I have had totally the wrong focus, and its no wonder everything has been so crappy!!! I definately have something to work on this week to strive to get back!

This upcoming week is going to be the death of me!!! (EXTREMELY BUSY!!!!)


Peace of God to you (POG) Thats for you Chris and Bethany!!! PS: The picture was what came up when I Yahoo'd the word "disconnected"?!? Kinda creepy!

Unanswered Prayers

"Sometimes I thank god for unanswered prayers
Remember when you're talkin' to the man upstairs
That just because he doesn't answer doesn't mean he don't care
Some of god's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers"
-Garth Brooks

I find that one of the things I question the most in my relationship with God is why do my prayers go unanswered. I pray for answers, for feelings to go away, or just to make common sense out of anything...and I find myself still waiting. Today I feel as though life makes a little more sense, either that or I'm just telling myself it does to move myself along.

The song "Unanswered Prayers" talks about a guy who is with his wife and they run into his ex. When they were younger he felt as though the couple would have been perfect together forever, he even prayed to God to make it happen. But afterward he realized if God would have put them together then he wouldn't have met his beautiful wife, and then realized God's greatest gifts, are unanswered prayers.

I am friends with all of my ex's. I don't see a point in avoiding someone just because they were a part of your life. Some I see are extremely happy in where they are and it makes me happy. What bothers me the most is when I see people who are too good for the situation they put themselves in. Maybe I have high expectations for relationships, or maybe just optomistic in when I find 'the one' it won't be a work in progress. It makes me sad to think that the people who once were happy now have to concentrate on having a good day. I'd rather be happy and alone, then in a relationship struggling. I guess I have to thank God for my unanswered prayers.

I have been in such a great mood lately!!! I LOVE IT!!!

POG to you!!

After every storm..

COMES A RAINBOW!!!!!!!!!! So this past week I have had a week from hell. Everything that could have gone wrong, went wrong. I didn't want to be around anyone, it was like a permanent 'funk'. Nothing in my life seemed to make sense. I was frustrated and questioning God and praying for answers.

But today I have felt amazing. I had the chance to sleep in, and even though I woke up early, I laid down for a bit and it felt like time went so slowly (which in any tired person's case thats amazing!!) and then I ran some errands and went to work. The job tonight when by super fast and I just felt at peace with everything. I came home and cleaned....with a little help. After dying on Round 8 of old school Nintendo I decided to Blog. God has been sooo good to me today and I totally feel Him!! California has been on my mind a few times today and I feel as though this is something I could acutally do. One thing I question..

Lately I've been getting consistant thoughts and or feelings about somethings...is it God or is it me? I know it could just be my wishful thinking, or imagination, but I am confused how to tell the difference. Any help?

I'm off to bed...but I definately am POG'd right now and I hope you are too!!!!

I am a country girl..

Well not technically..I'm a city girl at heart with a little country in me..but I'm talking about music. I have a few friends that absolutely DESPISE the sound of country music. I was at work tonight listening to the radio and I realized that I truely love country music. I beg to differ with everyone who says country is all about getting drunk, breaking up and man's best friends.

In the span of my radio experience tonight I felt as though there were songs with lyrics that related to almost every aspect of my life. I was going through hell last week but as the song says, "just keep on going you might get out without the devil knowing you're there." Another song with lyrics declaring, "God gave us mountains so we learn how to climb."

The thing I love about country music now from what it was in the olden days (sorry if I offended anyone) is that it is easier to sing along to. It also serves as a great source of subliminal (spelling check ben?) lyrics. ;o) I must admit I am a music lover of all genre's....but country ranks in my top preferences.


POG to ya'll (my country twang)

Champaign tastes on a beer budget..

Ever since I was younger my mom had always told me thats what I had. It's ringing true now a days. It seems like I work all the time but I can never get ahead. I bust my butt to work, exhaust myself to death only to get a paycheck that doesn't even dent my bills. ITS SOOOO FRUSTRATING!!

I have been praying about my finances for quite some time now. I don't ever seem to get a sigh of relief. I have tried coming up with spending plans, its just that sometimes I don't quite make it to the bank so I have money in my wallet and I spend it!! I have tried a $20.00 a week budget. HA! I need to make a budjet up and stick to it! But its hard because whenever I'm out with people I will do crazy things like buy them dinner or a drink or anything just to be nice. I figure God will provide, right? Then it comes to the end of the two weeks and I'm STARVING for my paycheck. I want to sell my truck and buy a car, I think that'll help also!!!

If anyone has any get rich quick tips or has time to shout a prayer up for some budjeting knowledge, I'd be greatful!!!

POG to you!!

California Dreaming

The past few days I've been thinking a lot about where I am. Peoria, DUH! But I feel as though I could use a change of scenery. While I've been in my thinking trances I feel as though I should get outta this town. All signs have been pointing to sunny old California. Think of it this way...

I am a beach and sunny weather girl, California is FULL of beaches and fairly warm temperatures!! I plan on doing hair for a living. How many salons do you think are on one street corner in Cali? How cool would that be? So until I'm done with school I'm thinking I'll be California dreaming...

OH!! And how cool is it that some guest who was staying at the hotel happened to say to me, "Hey if you ever make it to California sometime and need anything call me," and he gave me his business card. Little did he know that I was actually thinking about going there....it was really kinda creepy!!!


POG to you!

goodbye Sarah Fabulous

The past two days have been really hard. On Sunday morning there was a freak accident and my friend Sarah died at the age of 22. Her last name really isn't fabulous, but if you had ever met her, you would have no doubt in your heart that she truely was, 'fabulous'. I met her my freshman year of college. We rushed the same sorority. Now a lot of people who don't understand the whole sorority/fraternity thing don't realize how much it bonds you together. You go through so much with each other and it builds relationships for life. Every one who knew her has had some great story to tell, whether it was her love for Brittany Spears, the color pink, or her drunken tendancies. But the reality of it all hasn't set in.

I try to pride myself on being strong in faith. I know God has a plan and I have submitted myself to his will. But the past few days I have had such a heavy, doubting heart. Why would God take Sarah right before she was going to start her life? She had so much going for her and had so many plans for her future. (Probably the only girl I knew who was serious about her goals of being a trophy wife.) I know that any man who was lucky enough to snag her would realize the beautiful trophy that Sarah was! It makes me so angry because I feel as though she was robbed of her glory. I've been in a constant battle with God to try to understand. Nothing anyone has said to me has made me feel better. I still want to know WHY!

Whenever I worry about my future people think I'm crazy. "You are so young" they say, this goes to show you can never be certain you'll live till 100. What I don't understand is why does God put desires in our hearts for future and then take us Home? What if I have these desires for something so much more and never get to fulfill them? Yeah you are saying, "God has a plan for your life" but then why do bad things happen to amazing people? Sarah has touched so many people's hearts but she had just begun! Her life was about to start. It scares me to death that any day my life could be over. The people I love will never know how much I love them. I may never be a wife or a parent. I don't think I am okay with that. I know its not my choice and there is nothing I can do to guarentee it, but its still something I am struggling with. In the past 9 months I have been working with God on my patience. I felt confident in knowing when He was ready I would get the person I was meant to be with. I have been doing fairly well with patience in God's plan lately but now this makes me question everything. I hate that!

Since I have become a Christian I have only dealt with two deaths that really touch home. My grandfather, who died of cancer in June, and Sarah. I don't think I'm strong enough to deal with them correctly. My thoughts have been consumed and my heart has been heavy. With Gramps I knew he was in a better place and it was his time because God took him home and took away the pain. I don't have that peace about Sarah's death. I know she's in Heaven, but the why question isn't answered. I hope one day it will be.

Sarah I love you. I thank God for giving me the wonderful opportunity to get to know you over the last 3 years. I am glad I can call you not only a friend, but a sister. You will forever be in my heart.


POG.