So when I was in highschool, and not a Christian I might add, I was a little jerk. I was stubborn (still am) and boy did I have an attitude. When people would have something to say regarding me or any other issue I was right there getting in their face. Some would even say I was a 'hard ass'. I had no problem jumping the gun and sticking up for what I believed was right and you better believe that if any of my friends had beef with anyone, they would call on me. I wasn't scared to fight and I had a mouth that could tear anybody down.
When I became a Christian my junior year of highschool things changed. My heart softened and I actually gave people a chance. My life has been pretty drama free since then and it's been really nice. Of course I keep up on the gossip thanks to my best friend Nancy and my COM 300 study group ;o) but I like to keep myself out of things. Another reason is lately stress takes a toll on my body in a bad way. Anyways thats besides the point.
Lately I've been struggling with some conflict and I find myself jumping back into fighter mode. It would be completely inappropriate I know to throw punches at the library but I found myself with my adrenaline racing and ready to throw down. Words were not said thankfully or else I don't know what I would have done. But my problem and what I don't understand is how can I let myself get so worked up about something or someone who doesn't even matter in my life. I've been consistantly praying for a calm heart but it seems as though everytime a new piece of information is exposed I immediately jump into defense. I wonder if its possible to completely lose that nature that I was so proud of. At my age I don't think its normal to be prepared to fight..that was highschool stuff.
The weird thing about this whole thing is I cherish my friends and I know God puts people into my life at times for good reason. But I can't figure out what lesson God is trying to teach me in this situation. Oh well.
POG to you.
WAS? Leslie you are a hard ass. Ha, just kidding. Lately I've been feeling the same way. Some people just rub me the wrong way and I get totally bent out of shape.
ReplyDeleteI look at it like God is putting me in these situations and letting me struggle so that I'll learn patience and understanding, and so that I can grow to be a better person.
Dear Leslie,
ReplyDeleteYou still have my COM300 book. Give it back you jerk! haha. j/k... except for the part about the book. I need that back.
Love Always,
Blinks